At the restaurant he said if I ordered a second glass of wine, he would walk out on me. He had his beer and I had one glass of wine before we ordered. When we ordered he asked for another beer, but I was ‘not allowed’ another wine. I accepted the second glass, he shoved back his chair, threw down a $20 and walked out leaving me on my own. What? Nuts!
I ate my dinner and took my time, called a taxi and the driver took me to the rear of the house where there was a boardwalk leading to the ramp in. It was covered with snow, as was my car which we passed on the way, but the driver ploughed me through it and up to the door.
I went in and noticed first off that the Christmas decorations were gone from the fireplace. I was wiping the wheels of my chair, and finally reached the door to the living room and there he was, drinking a beer and “smoking in the house”. I asked what was going on, as I approached the fireplace to see everything neatly arranged on the hearth and he ‘lost it’. He said I had ruined Christmas!
He flung a toss (Aha! That’s where the name came from!) pillow at a big plant on the coffee table under the front window and sheared all the stems and leaves, then picked up the container and dumped all the earth on the carpet (I had watered that day, so was slightly muddy!) No point in stopping him, so I backed up and watched as he threw his portable phone at the stone fireplace. Shattered! Pulled off his wristwatch and threw it at the fireplace. Shattered! Picked up his beer, took another slug and upended it onto the carpet, then ground out a cigarette in the puddle. He pulled off his turtleneck sweater and ripped it to shreds, then his T-shirt and ripped it to shreds, the went for the wall hangings and broke over his knee all the ones his grandfather had done by hand.
I still said and did nothing. I sat in front of my computer which was to the right of the fireplace and he came toward me with a look in his eyes that meant me and /or my computer. I stared him down and he backed off. I asked him if he were finished and he threw himself onto the sofa, sobbing! I readied for bed, taking my time, then went for him and he was like a little boy needing a mother, as I took his hand and led him to bed, no longer dangerous.
I did no cleanup. The next morning it was all up to him to do, which he did and then said he was going to sell everything , go live under a bridge, then eventually climb up and jump off it. I told him to make sure the bridge was a high one.
Such a snowfall! The next day, after that, he said if I gave him my car keys he would back my car out and clean it off for me. My ! My! How nice!. A first! But why have to back it out?
I was at my computer when he came in and told me that my car was damaged. I was shocked. I went out and it was dented from stem to stern including the roof, but he had already called the police and was making up a story about who it likely was. Immediately I knew he had done that on the Friday evening after leaving the restaurant, then the continuing snowfall covered it up for those next 2 days. $1500.00 damage. He saw to it that my car was completely fixed, and I didn’t even have to pay the deductible. Yep had to be him! I was going to be out of there as soon as I found a decent place to live. He admired my finished car day after day after day and it was June/02 before I found an apartment.
We’re over and done and I know how many times he was in jail and the worst was a drunken car race when he was young, hitting a VW beetle and killing the 15 year old driver.
What he did, at the beginning when we met, was like hold up a mirror on his chest, facing me, and what I saw and heard was him, in agreement with my thoughts and interests, a person in tune with me, the two of us a matched set, never more than slight disagreements, and those were fixed in a moment.
But the mask cannot stay in place forever. It slips. It cracks. Those who are informed would have seen through him. I didn’t. I was an innocent about Narcissistic Psychopathy and to try to explain this to someone who has not experienced it, is like trying to define all the colours to a person blind from birth.
The above was only one of many incidents, after his mask slipped, but trying to leave is another matter. It takes careful planning!