Copyright 2017 - Murphy
Who could have imagined that the moon was not a natural celestial body, but rather, an alien space observatory and meat processing centre? Apparently, aliens like snacking on homo sapiens.
There are over six billion of us grazing on this rock. It’s as close to perfect as a cattle ranch gets. That is why the moon is where it is. It is a giant abattoir that collects, sorts and processes us into nice, flavourful bites. That's right. And I know that you don't believe me, but you better get used to it!
I wonder if the boxes we end up in have a Nutrition Facts label on them? Maybe the Martians, or whoever they are, don't have to worry about getting fat or having their extraterrestrial arteries clog up from ingesting human chunky chews. I’ll bet you never thought of yourself as being bad for the cholesterol of little green men!
Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin saw part of the operation when they landed on the moon in 1969. They didn't remember anything after returning to earth because they had their conscious memories sucked out of their heads by strange science. It wasn't until years later, when bits and pieces of their meeting with the sausage kings started coming back to them.
But things are changing. Before we had satellites and the Internet, aliens could harvest and chow down on humans pretty much at will. Now, technology is causing them grief. The Hubble telescope, radio waves, digital technology and annoying space shuttles are getting in the way of their eating habits.
All that human tech got me thinking. I remembered the reports of people being abducted by aliens when I was a kid. They would fly down and scoop up some unsuspecting people on a dark road, take them back to their ship and experiment on them for a while. Some had alien babies. Some got techno-implants put in, so they could be tracked. Still others got kidnapped over and over. But through it all, when the aliens were finished for the night, they would put them back where they found them. While it was probably scary, at least the spacemen were nice enough to return their lab experiments.
One of my friends says they are just going to come down and fast freeze us for consumption later on. That makes sense, given that humans are getting too advanced for our own good. Another friend says the aliens are the reason for all the world's unrest. He suggested that the aliens want us to kill ourselves off, so they can watch our civilization melt into nothingness.
Regardless, my buddies figure the end isn’t too far away. Whoever you believe, there is one thing that everybody can agree on.
It's all the aliens fault.