Today may well be the last day I post anything. I am tired. If I had known 50 years ago the true history of the United States I would never have stood in 'a rice patty' thousands of miles away involved in the killing of millions of people that I did not know and never met. I was the tool of a nation whose history is strewn with blood, lies, deceit and genocide from the very beginning. I was then what the Israeli Defense Force is now: a tool used by evil men. Yes. Evil. Some in power claim they did not know but they have never recanted and are still players in the same old game.
I am tired. My memory keeps me awake at night. The pain never goes away no matter how much I try. I can not wish it away, pretend it didn't happen or medicate so I live life in a stupor. I have tried to live differently but it does not work. 22 veterans commit suicide every day and others barely survive the night. Now I understand why.
I am tired. I have tried demonstrations in the early seventies after I returned home in 1970. To those who even today greet me with 'Welcome home' I tell them the truth: no one ever never really comes home. A precious part of every soldier is left behind and it is not possible to get it back. It is held by those I helped murder. To those who 'thank me for my service I want to ask what service. I did not serve them nor did I protect their freedom as they so foolishly believe. I was just another tool in the employ of banks, Wall Street and major corporations. They are in more danger of losing that freedom now more than ever and many have already lost the battle to be free.
I am tired. I had hope. Surely they will listen to millions of Americans in the streets. They did not and they will not. And now those million voices that once shouted loud and clear are now eerily silent. The Peace Movement is dead. I don't know when it died but it is dead. I had for a long time hoped it was in a coma and would awaken. I no longer have that hope. As Americans we are heavily medicated by the media, pretty words from the mouths of politicians and psychopaths, often one and the same, about how great we are, about how if we vote new guys in things will change, red side, blue side, green side but it never changes. It is the same as before each and every time. As a nation we are lulled by sports as entertainment. Sports is a corporate cash cow for many players and especially the owners. Hollywood keeps us in line, mostly with stupid movies about stupid issues.
I am tired. If you think this country is great you are delusional. If you think this country was ever good or great you are delusional. The things we have that make us believe such a lie was and is built on the backs of Native American peoples, the backs of slaves and immigrants from all over the world who were led to believe that the streets here were paved with gold. It was built on the poor so the rich could amass great fortunes. It was built on wars and bloodshed for a very small elite. They made us believe, It has not changed. The United States has invaded almost every country in the world, stolen their resources and heaven help them if they rejected the mighty power of the United States. We have more than 800 military bases around the world, more than 200,000 active duty personnel deployed and more being deployed every day. That does not include the military contractors and the mercenaries we employ and this in 150 nations! We are an empire and we are the deadliest the world has ever known. As empires are created war is the blood line but as empires fall their 'life support' is war.
I am tired. It is true that many are doing what they can but it is either not enough or the wrong thing. We continue because we don't know what else we can do. Many are at ropes end. I am at ropes end. So we post, and we post and facebook pages abound. Like the massive demonstrations of yore it is not working and I do not have a reason or a solution. I was once told about addiction that the addict has to reach 'rock bottom' before the difficult process of change can begin. Every excuse, every option is tried until one day you either wake up or you die. The United States will never wake up. It is deluded by the consumer mentality never realizing the real price of what we possess. Go to any mall, or online to perhaps Amazon and we are in a buying frenzy. More, more and more. I now understand the zombie craze. It is us. The earth, nor the peoples of the earth, can long survive our hunger. American Exceptionalism, as did Manifest Destiny before it, is speeding up the pace to our demise but not fast enough for the world as we know it to survive. We are breathing polluted air, the waters of the world are polluted and many toxic. The ocean is dying and our food is poison. How long can we survive?
I am tired of sitting here posting, and posting, and posting so much that people shut down getting my posts because they interrupt their day too much. The truth hurts. They ignore the tears for humanity and go about as if every thing is great and those of us who do post are just out of touch with the times. There are others like me that keep liking and sharing each others posts, posts that perhaps we are the only ones reading. I can no longer pat myself on the back for trying.
I am tired. I think the only way now is to not only let the empire and civilization (whatever that is) collapse under the weight of the ugly corpse it has become. The problem is that good people, or at least those who think themselves good, are doing nothing. They sip their Starbucks lattes, go to grocery stores filled with thousands and thousands of items yet up to 75% of all sales go to appropriately 4 grocery and food corporations.
I am tired. I have pared down to a minimum. I have little and I protest too much. The world is going in one direction and I want to go in the other but of course I am tied indirectly to the mass of people with power going the wrong way.
I don't know what else I can say. I don't know what else I can do. I am wasting my time. I hope, sincerely hope that I am wrong and that one day the sun will shine on every one equally. That is my dream but almost every night I wake up to nightmares.