Do you really know Narcissistic Psychopathy?

Quote: Originally Posted by mayety View Post

Dec 15, 2001, he telephoned on his way home to say that because of the heavy snowstorm the timing would be off, so let’s go out for dinner. Fine!
At the restaurant he said if I ordered a second glass of wine, he would walk out on me. He had his beer and I had one glass of wine before we ordered. When we ordered he asked for another beer, but I was ‘not allowed’ another wine. I accepted the second glass, he shoved back his chair, threw down a $20 and walked out leaving me on my own. What? Nuts!
I ate my dinner and took my time, called a taxi and the driver took me to the rear of the house where there was a boardwalk leading to the ramp in. It was covered with snow, as was my car which we passed on the way, but the driver ploughed me through it and up to the door.
I went in and noticed first off that the Christmas decorations were gone from the fireplace. I was wiping the wheels of my chair, and finally reached the door to the living room and there he was, drinking a beer and “smoking in the house”. I asked what was going on, as I approached the fireplace to see everything neatly arranged on the hearth and he ‘lost it’. He said I had ruined Christmas!
He flung a toss (Aha! That’s where the name came from!) pillow at a big plant on the coffee table under the front window and sheared all the stems and leaves, then picked up the container and dumped all the earth on the carpet (I had watered that day, so was slightly muddy!) No point in stopping him, so I backed up and watched as he threw his portable phone at the stone fireplace. Shattered! Pulled off his wristwatch and threw it at the fireplace. Shattered! Picked up his beer, took another slug and upended it onto the carpet, then ground out a cigarette in the puddle. He pulled off his turtleneck sweater and ripped it to shreds, then his T-shirt and ripped it to shreds, the went for the wall hangings and broke over his knee all the ones his grandfather had done by hand.
I still said and did nothing. I sat in front of my computer which was to the right of the fireplace and he came toward me with a look in his eyes that meant me and /or my computer. I stared him down and he backed off. I asked him if he were finished and he threw himself onto the sofa, sobbing! I readied for bed, taking my time, then went for him and he was like a little boy needing a mother, as I took his hand and led him to bed, no longer dangerous.
I did no cleanup. The next morning it was all up to him to do, which he did and then said he was going to sell everything , go live under a bridge, then eventually climb up and jump off it. I told him to make sure the bridge was a high one.
Such a snowfall! The next day, after that, he said if I gave him my car keys he would back my car out and clean it off for me. My ! My! How nice!. A first! But why have to back it out?
I was at my computer when he came in and told me that my car was damaged. I was shocked. I went out and it was dented from stem to stern including the roof, but he had already called the police and was making up a story about who it likely was. Immediately I knew he had done that on the Friday evening after leaving the restaurant, then the continuing snowfall covered it up for those next 2 days. $1500.00 damage. He saw to it that my car was completely fixed, and I didn’t even have to pay the deductible. Yep had to be him! I was going to be out of there as soon as I found a decent place to live. He admired my finished car day after day after day and it was June/02 before I found an apartment.

We’re over and done and I know how many times he was in jail and the worst was a drunken car race when he was young, hitting a VW beetle and killing the 15 year old driver.

What he did, at the beginning when we met, was like hold up a mirror on his chest, facing me, and what I saw and heard was him, in agreement with my thoughts and interests, a person in tune with me, the two of us a matched set, never more than slight disagreements, and those were fixed in a moment.
But the mask cannot stay in place forever. It slips. It cracks. Those who are informed would have seen through him. I didn’t. I was an innocent about Narcissistic Psychopathy and to try to explain this to someone who has not experienced it, is like trying to define all the colours to a person blind from birth.

The above was only one of many incidents, after his mask slipped, but trying to leave is another matter. It takes careful planning!

Firstly, I must congratulate you for maintaining a neutral state during his dangerous temper tantrum. Had you given in to emotion he would have badly harmed you. What an incredible lessson. They are out there, everywhere, and not just men. Narcissistic persoanlity disorder is on par with characteristis of psychopathic/sociapathic behaviour. Not every psychopath is a serial killer as some folk tend to believe. Many are office managers, teachers, professors, lawyers, psychiatrists, political leaders, nurses, prison guards, CEOs, some are religious leaders, brothers, parents, sisters, doctors, homeless individuals and the list goes on as these demented folk exisit throughout society. The "mask" requires an enormous amount of energy to keep in place and it must slip eventually. However, it usually slips behind private doors so that no one else is aware of their icy cold selfishness and tremendous need to fed through the pain of others. In this way are they able to continue to, privately, torture their victims (spouses, children) and continue to present an affable, balanced persona to the world. They are incredible actors who manipulate the world to suit and serve themselves without thought or caring of how this affects others.
Were you able to press charges against him successfully for the damage incurred? Or were you satisfied with being free of him? thank you for sharing your story with us.
First the woman thinks it is a horrible challenge to change him because she loves the image of
what she thought he was. And that is the best game card the creep has. He is nice and sorry
he is violent and heartless, back to sorry. It is about control and breaking the woman down it is
not about love or caring. Then there is the, I will stay for the kids sake they need a father and she
is right. They need a father figure, not that particular father. If she stays, the kids are influenced
by his behaviour and the negative pattern starts or may be likely to start with the next generation.
No I have not been directly involved in such a relationship, but I have been the father of a young
lady that got caught up in the game for a number of years.
In the end, she had enough, and when she had enough he couldn't understand why she was being
so mean. I always took the view that it was her business but when she asked for advice I was
consistent, I always told her what he was, and that in the end she would regret waiting around for
a new day that wasn't coming. She finally got up the nerve to leave, in fact the boys were older and
took her side so the idiot had to leave and watching the sons told him they would not longer
tolerate his behaviour toward their mother. It took another two years before her daughter figured
out she was right.
Nope when you see the warning signs and they're always there get to hell out its a case of
Run Forest Run.
To Elder
Were you able to press charges against him successfully for the damage incurred? Or were you satisfied with being free of him? thank you for sharing your story with us .

Thank you for your response.
For that episode in question, he broke only his belongings in the house. (That is for people who believe that "such people" don't know what they are doing and there are those in denial for a reason to stay.) As far as my car, he was on the telephone as quickly as he was to the police, lining up someone to fix it, using 'Trade Dollars' even to cover my deductible. (Trade Dollars were, at the time, like barter, for a number of merchants in our city.)

Everything that was in my post obviously leads to believing that he was the guilty party, yet I had no proof. No one saw it happen, but his actions afterward belied his regular behaviour. I was satisfied to be free from him, and having my car repaired .....with everything arranged by him (which was SO against his nature that it was MY sign of guilt.) I also had that to "hold over his head'until I found an accessible placce to love. Not easy!

If you realized from my post that I am in a wheelchair, then you will know why I know that he never once would lay a hand on me, as the police where just a 9-1-1 away. Then the "behind closed door secrets' about him would be exposed.

I agree with everything you posted, damngrumpy, and many would agree with me that it is very difficut to have others believe when they do not see it happening, and cannot even envision anyone behaving that way.