Like many baby boomers I saw the folly of the great American dream; the hard sell jingles of the post war consumer machine. I decided to leave it all to Beaver and strike out in search of my own vision. Down the road from childhood Catholicism to present day Spiritual Anarchist, it has been an interesting, frightening, joyous, painful and, sometimes, insane journey.
I realize now that all the years I spent reading, talking, participating in all the various schools of thought, spiritual paths, teachings and rituals had little to do with where I am within myself today. I tried everything from tofu and grass clippings to tying myself in yogic knots; from sweat lodges to Psychic healing; from Christianity to Native Spirituality. Some have kindled the divine spark, which dwells in each of us, enough to cause me to ponder their significance.
The only thing any of it taught me was to listen to my own guidance - the little voice within. Looking back, I cannot chart the course of my journey by my studies but more by the inspiration and guidance I received from life itself. It may be divine clown or demonic madman to some but to me it is an accepted part of my reality - even though there are still times I chose not to listen to the message. The path I follow may seem strange and dangerous to the timid but as Allen Watts said, “Belief is holding to a rock and faith is learning how to swim.” Life is a act of faith. All of our beliefs about life are just rocks. Life is not static or constant. It has its own agenda and will never fit into any mold which we may try to stuff it in.
A common belief is that the truth is universal. The truth is the truth, right? Well is it? The truth to a middle class suburban house wife is not likely to mean much to an aborigine living on grubs in the desert of Australia. Have you ever tried to get five people to agree on something - anything?
What I have discovered is that the truth is relative to the beholder. I have come to the conclusion that if a truth needs defending, then it is probably not true and the defender is usually on shaky ground. A person who knows their truth will not need to convince anybody of its validity. They will just quietly become their truth.
Nobody can show you the way. Each of our lives is unique and the truth of it is unique to each of us. Nobody else can know your truth, your reality or your purpose for being here. All the spiritual teachers have only been able to tell us how they got to their understanding of their own truth.
You can use some of their methods, if you desire, but in the end you will have to set out on your own hero’s journey, fight your own demons, risk your own life to discover your own truth.
I once read a book about astral projection in which the author discussed the silver cord some say connects the astral body to the physical one. He said, “If you see the cord, cut it”. Freedom comes from letting go of rocks, teachers, leaders and beliefs. Jesus is reported to have said, “The Kingdom of God is within”. You will never find it looking outside yourself.
I don’t claim to know or believe in anything. I do, however, have faith that life - my life, all life - is unfolding as it should; that each and every one of us on this journey is doing our part in the great cosmic drama which is unfolding every minute - with or without our co-operation. We may complain about our part, or try to manipulate circumstances to suit ouselves but in the end, Life will unfold as it will. So it makes more sense to learn how to flow with it than to be bowled over by it.
As has been said before, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans”. Or as Ram Das put it, “Life is a school. Take the curriculum”.