Your 15 year old daughter commits suicide- You question - Why


Goober
+1
#1
Your 15 year old daughter commits suicide- You question - Why - Do you blame yourself for not being there- not seeing the so called warning signs that are supposed to be evident. You put yourself thru hell. This family went thru hell and are still going thru hell
Then you find out why - 8 months later when many knew why- You also find out how her friends turned on her and drove her to suicide.


May those that committed this, the friends that turned on her, the ones that covered it up I do hope that somehow life brings its revenge to you. Not someone you love but to you in some way.

Arrests made in sexual battery of Audrie Pott, who later hanged herself | World | News | National Post

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Eight days after being sexually assaulted by friends while passed out at a party, and then humiliated by online photos, 15-year-old Audrie Pott posted on Facebook that her life was ruined, “worst day ever,” and hanged herself, the family’s lawyer said.

For the next eight months, her family struggled to figure out what happened to their soccer-loving, artistic, horse-crazy daughter, whose gentle smile, long dark hair and shining eyes belied a struggling soul.

And then on Thursday, a California sheriff’s office arrested three 16-year-old boys on suspicion of sexual battery. The arrests “reopened a wound” for family members of Pott, and they have gone into seclusion, family attorney Robert Allard said.

“The family has been trying to understand why their loving daughter would have taken her life at such a young age and to make sure that those responsible would be held accountable,” Allard said.

Allard did not provide additional details about how she was assaulted but he said she had fallen asleep after drinking at a sleepover.

Family members of the girl said on Friday they suspect the attackers tried to destroy evidence. The family claim was posted on a Facebook page for a foundation set up in her name. It did not provide further details, and the Santa Clara County sheriff’s office did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Santa Clara County sheriff’s Lt. Jose Cardoza said the suspects were booked into juvenile hall and face two felonies and one misdemeanour each. Their names were not released because they are minors. Details about the assault were also not released.

Cardoza said the investigation is ongoing
.
 
bobnoorduyn
+1
#2
Tragic. Parents don't see the warning signs because children don't come with operator's manuals. They also have to make a living, and in many cases both parents work, and in far too may cases there is only one parent. Having suffered though two daughters' teenage years I can attest to never knowing what warning signs to look for. Fortunately we were, and are still a two parent family. My wife was a stay at home mom and I was on medical leave, so we were both home full time, and it was tough still. Kids are very good at hiding the emotions they don't want you to see. We went as far as taking the doors off their bedrooms so they couldn't be totaly secluded. That backfired when one went to the bathroom, snuck out and ran away, Their neocortexes are not developed and cannot connect cause and effect, which is why minors, depending on jurisdiction between 17 - 19, cannot be licenced to sign contracts. They can however be licenced to drive, join the armed forces, own firearms, etc.,go figure. Being minors, I dont think they should be allowed unsupervised internet access; camera phones and texting functions should be disabled, and the only cell phone numbers enabled shoulod be ones the parents allow.

Parenting is a 24 hour job, and it is tough with teens, and too many parents only do it part time.

Miscreants also have to stop being mollycoddled. The US system is far too harsh, but ours is far too weak. But there still has to be some accountability, I just don't know what.
 
karrie
+1
#3
It's scary what a common story this is becoming.
 
Goober
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

It's scary what a common story this is becoming.

It is- Married couple, teen doing well commits suicide- self blame, the possible accusations back and forth at each pother- coming from grief, the why, what did I miss- the pain. Theyb went thru hell and are still going thru it.
May these ffrs do adult time.
And the friends who emailed, texted etc, make their name public. I have no ffn sympathy for them. Live with their decisions.
 
gerryh
+1
#5
yup.... it's a bitch...... and really..... the parents should have been paying closer attention to who their friends were....where they were going..... who would be there to have each of their backs...... basic shyte..... shyte that I and my wife make sure of every fu cking day.
 
karrie
+2
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

yup.... it's a bitch...... and really..... the parents should have been paying closer attention to who their friends were....where they were going..... who would be there to have each of their backs...... basic shyte..... shyte that I and my wife make sure of every fu cking day.

It goes beyond what HER parents should have done. My kids know (and yes, this sparked renewed discussion), that they should come to me if they're worried for a friend too. My responsibility doesn't end with my kids, their friends may need help too. The parents of the kids who bullied, or ignored the bullying, surrounding this incident, all need to evaluate their parenting.

When a breakdown this large occurs, the whole community needs to take a look at what they need to fix.
 
gerryh
+1
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

It goes beyond what HER parents should have done. My kids know (and yes, this sparked renewed discussion), that they should come to me if they're worried for a friend too. My responsibility doesn't end with my kids, their friends may need help too. The parents of the kids who bullied, or ignored the bullying, surrounding this incident, all need to evaluate their parenting.

When a breakdown this large occurs, the whole community needs to take a look at what they need to fix.



agreed. I just can't wrap my head around how ANY parent could have allowed this to happen or did NOT teach their kids that this was wrong.
 
karrie
+1
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

agreed. I just can't wrap my head around how ANY parent could have allowed this to happen or did NOT teach their kids that this was wrong.

I can't even wrap my head around where the breakdown occurs, because I really honestly would never think to tell my kids 'don't encourage rape'. I don't know a single parent who would. How do you get the nuances of these moral issues across? No one had to tell me this stuff. And if it doesn't get across to your kids, what was the breakdown? I walk away from these news reports always more and more perplexed.
 
Sal
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

I can't even wrap my head around where the breakdown occurs, because I really honestly would never think to tell my kids 'don't encourage rape'. I don't know a single parent who would. How do you get the nuances of these moral issues across? No one had to tell me this stuff. And if it doesn't get across to your kids, what was the breakdown? I walk away from these news reports always more and more perplexed.

I think this happens when there is a disconnect. When people feel connected with each other they have the ability to (empathize). They don't wish to lash out and hurt they wish to connect and understand. As soon as someone cannot empathize with another it's like permission to torture. I don't think you can impart nuances. Someone is either able to delve down (depth of character) or things are black and white (shallow).

What is making these kids view the world as black and white? Us/them? They are disconnected somewhere.
 
Cliffy
+2
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by Sal View Post

I think this happens when there is a disconnect. When people feel connected with each other they have the ability to (empathize). They don't wish to lash out and hurt they wish to connect and understand. As soon as someone cannot empathize with another it's like permission to torture. I don't think you can impart nuances. Someone is either able to delve down (depth of character) or things are black and white (shallow).

What is making these kids view the world as black and white? Us/them? They are disconnected somewhere.

We have a culture that would rather text each other than talk to each other face to face, even when they are in the same room. It used to blow my mind when I was running the local computer access center when a bunch of girls (and some boys) would come in after school and sit there texting each other when they were sitting side by side. Or they would walk on either side of the road and cell phone each other. Now its Facebook. Reality has become virtual - pretty disconnected, I'd say.
 
Sal
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by Cliffy View Post

We have a culture that would rather text each other than talk to each other face to face, even when they are in the same room. It used to blow my mind when I was running the local computer access center when a bunch of girls (and some boys) would come in after school and sit there texting each other when they were sitting side by side. Or they would walk on either side of the road and cell phone each other. Now its Facebook. Reality has become virtual - pretty disconnected, I'd say.

I was going to venture there and then didn't. I think texting is a contributing factor to the distance. I don't think it "has" to be because as a form of communication, it is extremely valuable. Same with Facebook. Facebook has allowed me to connect with people on the other side of the world that I would not have met had I not had them as a "game neighbour". I have stayed in touch with these people long after I have quit the games. So the medium is not the problem. It is how we use it.

I think what we are missing is perhaps teaching youth the correct way to use texting and social media. It can distance us because we do not view the other person as human. Or it can connect us. They need to learn social media manners. I am not certain how one goes about that but I know there are studies happening they just can't keep up with the speed at which the medium evolves.

It's that distance thing again. Not good.

__________________________________________________ _______________

I don't know if this will post here or not. One man has made a huge difference with suicides and it began with a tragedy.

I have taken the course he speaks of. I think everyone should take it. It is just one weekend out of your life that could save another's whole world.

Segment: PostSecret
 
Goober
+1
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

yup.... it's a bitch...... and really..... the parents should have been paying closer attention to who their friends were....where they were going..... who would be there to have each of their backs...... basic shyte..... shyte that I and my wife make sure of every fu cking day.

Some parents have an excellent relationship with their kids- but if they do not want you to now something, probability is significant that you will not know. At times they will wait until having reached adulthood and tell you what happened.

As to friends - Once kids go out the door you have no idea at times of who is with them. Unless they are on a tight leash.

Some may assign blame to the parents, I do not know how they can arrive at that conclusion based upon the information available. Which is sparse to say the least.
 
gerryh
+1
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

Some parents have an excellent relationship with their kids- but if they do not want you to now something, probability is significant that you will not know. At times they will wait until having reached adulthood and tell you what happened.


riiiiiiiiight.....

Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

As to friends - Once kids go out the door you have no idea at times of who is with them. Unless they are on a tight leash.

of course, how stupid of me.


Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

Some may assign blame to the parents, I do not know how they can arrive at that conclusion based upon the information available. Which is sparse to say the least.

of course, you're right. Parents should shoulder none of the blame at all.



 
Goober
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

riiiiiiiiight.....



of course, how stupid of me.




of course, you're right. Parents should shoulder none of the blame at all.



It appeared you laid all blame at the feet of the parents.
 
petros
+1
#15
If you can't tell by the age of 2 when your kids is lieing, you've shown them your weaknesses and left yourself in the dark.
 
gerryh
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

It appeared you laid all blame at the feet of the parents.



ya...... aren't appearances wonderful?
 
Goober
+1
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

riiiiiiiiight.....



of course, how stupid of me.




of course, you're right. Parents should shoulder none of the blame at all.



Well Gerry as you have all the answers then rebut with something aside from rolling eyes.
 
gerryh
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

Well Gerry as you have all the answers then rebut with something aside from rolling eyes.


I refuse to "rebut" stupidity.
 
bobnoorduyn
+2
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

If you can't tell by the age of 2 when your kids is lieing, you've shown them your weaknesses and left yourself in the dark.

That's a mug's game, there are two indicators; their lips are moving and they are exhaling, with either voiced or unvoiced syllables, (unvoiced is usally the better indicator). Its the same way Judge Judy identifies a teenage liar.
 
petros
#20
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zExc6SK4kpA
 
Goober
+1
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

I refuse to "rebut" stupidity.

I would say you never talk to yourself.
 
gerryh
+4
#22  Top Rated Post
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

I can't even wrap my head around where the breakdown occurs, because I really honestly would never think to tell my kids 'don't encourage rape'. I don't know a single parent who would. How do you get the nuances of these moral issues across? No one had to tell me this stuff. And if it doesn't get across to your kids, what was the breakdown? I walk away from these news reports always more and more perplexed.


Ok...I never told my boys "rape is bad", what I did tell them was "no meant no" and I didn't care if she was spread eagle naked in the bed or if they were in mid stroke. If she said no, then that was the end of it. I let them know, in no uncertain terms, that if I ever heard of them doing more than "allowed", taking advantage of a situation or raising their hand against a female for ANY REASON they would be singing soprano for the rest of their lives. No excuses, no "ya but's".

When they started going to party's and then when they started dating, this was reiterated and they were told that if anything went down that they weren't comfortable with they were to call. They were told that whom ever they went to that party with or went out with that they were responsible for each other no matter what and they were to call if needed. They were to watch each others back, and they had damn well better do exactly that.

As teens, they didn't go to party's that did not have parents present and we verified that the parents would be there.


The above only touches on what a parent is responsible for ensuring. If any of it was missed then the parents were "remiss" in their duties.
 
karrie
+1
#23
I get what you're saying Gerry, but I was speaking less about the actual rapists, and more about the other kids who were involved in the resulting bullying. The kids who either participated in attacking her for it, or ignored it when they saw it happening. Did you ever think you needed to sit your sons down and point blank explain 'if a girl gets raped and you find out, you should try to get her help.'
 
WLDB
+2
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post

agreed. I just can't wrap my head around how ANY parent could have allowed this to happen or did NOT teach their kids that this was wrong.

Sometimes despite a parents best efforts the kid could wind up being a screwed up adult. Take Ted Bundy for example. I dont think what he did has anything to do with how he was raised. Even he admitted to that and said he had a great childhood and good parents. No parent can watch their kids 24 hours a day which is probably what it would take to keep them completely out of trouble.

As for the thread topic - I hope never to find out first hand. Ive known one person who committed suicide and had no idea anything was wrong with him. Though in hindsight the evidence was plain to see. As far as I know he didnt seek much help. This girl did seek help and put a lot of effort into trying to get some sort of normal life and it still wound up not being enough. That makes it that much worse.

Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

Some parents have an excellent relationship with their kids- but if they do not want you to now something, probability is significant that you will not know. At times they will wait until having reached adulthood and tell you what happened.

True. When I was in high school I got my girlfriend pregnant. She wound up having a miscarriage at 14 weeks. My parents had no idea. I didnt speak of it at all for nearly five years. I didnt really put any effort into hiding what was going on. I just never brought it up.

Quote: Originally Posted by gerryh View Post



The above only touches on what a parent is responsible for ensuring. If any of it was missed then the parents were "remiss" in their duties.

I imagine all are 'remiss' at one point or another. Parents are still human. I know of no one who is or was a perfect parent. I doubt such a person has ever existed.
 
Tecumsehsbones
+1
#25
Quote: Originally Posted by WLDB View Post

I imagine all are 'remiss' at one point or another. Parents are still human. I know of no one who is or was a perfect parent. I doubt such a person has ever existed.

Ahem!
 
gerryh
+2
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

I get what you're saying Gerry, but I was speaking less about the actual rapists, and more about the other kids who were involved in the resulting bullying. The kids who either participated in attacking her for it, or ignored it when they saw it happening. Did you ever think you needed to sit your sons down and point blank explain 'if a girl gets raped and you find out, you should try to get her help.'


Like I said Karrie

Quote:

The above only touches on what a parent is responsible for ensuring.


Sorry, I am not about to go into detail on here. Been there, done that, won't any more. I just touched on what I have discussed with my son's and daughters before ALLOWING them into the "world".

Let's just say that there are some people on here, you, Bear, SLM, petros, etc that I'm not concerned about hearing about their kids in the papers. There are a few that I would be concerned if I knew 100% that they did or did not have kids.

 
SLM
+1
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

I get what you're saying Gerry, but I was speaking less about the actual rapists, and more about the other kids who were involved in the resulting bullying. The kids who either participated in attacking her for it, or ignored it when they saw it happening. Did you ever think you needed to sit your sons down and point blank explain 'if a girl gets raped and you find out, you should try to get her help.'

What I end up wondering is, do parents not discuss these things with their kids when it's running rampant through the news? I can recall having discussions with my son (my daughter was too young at the time) about Columbine when it occurred. Not in the "sit you down and have a talk with you" kind of way, but as a relevant (to his age group) current event. And every time we would discuss these news stories, it would inevitably roll around to 'what the kids themselves are discussing'.

So what's most obvious to me is that, even if it wouldn't occur to anyone to sit their kids down and pointedly discuss what to do in these kind of circumstances before, it should really be a topic of conversation now between parents and their children. Because I can guarantee that kids are discussing it and what they need most right now is adult perspective and intervention.
 
petros
#28
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

So what's most obvious to me is that, even if it wouldn't occur to anyone to sit their kids down and pointedly discuss what to do in these kind of circumstances before, it should really be a topic of conversation now between parents and their children. Because I can guarantee that kids are discussing it and what they need most right now is adult perspective and intervention.

After 15 years of internet porn being the example of sexuality for kids, it's no wonder they are doing what they do.
 
Goober
+1
#29
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

After 15 years of internet porn being the example of sexuality for kids, it's no wonder they are doing what they do.

Question - When teens act as they have done in this case do you lay the fault at the parents feet?
 
Cobalt_Kid
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by karrie View Post

It goes beyond what HER parents should have done. My kids know (and yes, this sparked renewed discussion), that they should come to me if they're worried for a friend too. My responsibility doesn't end with my kids, their friends may need help too. The parents of the kids who bullied, or ignored the bullying, surrounding this incident, all need to evaluate their parenting.

When a breakdown this large occurs, the whole community needs to take a look at what they need to fix.

Violence and abuse seem to be such a mainstream part of society now when you look at popular culture, we should be surprised, shocked and disgusted by events like this but for too many people I think it's becoming almost normal behavior. There needs to be a change in how we treat violence and abuse across society, not just in "special" cases.