CASSELBERRY - In January, 1-year-old Joey Cosmillo wandered into the backyard and fell into the family pool. When his mother hauled him out, he wasn’t breathing. Rescuers were able to bring him back to life, but he suffered severe brain damage and cannot walk, talk or even swallow.His Majesty thinks that it’s safe to say that the Cosmillo family and young Joey have suffered more than enough.
Unfortunately, they haven’t, according to some 17th-tier, mono-cellular organisms in Florida. You see, when the Cosmillos were frantically hauling their little boy out of the pool, dragging him into the house and doing all they could to save his life while they waited for help to arrive, they criminally neglected to mop the floor dry of the water that had dripped from Joey’s lifeless body:
Now, his family faces another burden: One of the rescuers, Casselberry police Sgt. Andrea Eichhorn, is suing, alleging the family left a puddle of water on the floor that afternoon, causing her to slip and fall.We’ll leave it to you to come up with some extra-creative invective that might approach adequacy when it comes to describing Sgt. Eichhorn, that bloodless, soul-sucking, heartless, greedy ****.
Eichhorn last week sued Richard Cosmillo; his wife, Maggie Cosmillo; and the boy’s mother, Angela Cosmillo, accusing them of negligence. They were careless, according to the suit, and allowed the home they shared to become unsafe.Or, as Bill Quick puts it:
Not only are the police under no legal obligation to protect you, you are apparently supposed to be under a legal obligation to protect them.Which leads us to the logical followup question: Why don’t we do away with them entirely? It’s not like they actually serve a purpose, and if they need 24-hour babysitting and protection in order to keep them from suing somebody, perhaps we should just institutionalize them. Put them in little padded cells with nice helmets on their heads and feed them strained peas three times a day. Once a week, we can hose down the room to get their feces off the walls.
The baby’s mother was the only one home Jan. 9, when the boy slipped out of the house and wound up in the pool, according to a police report.
She plunged in and dragged him out, carrying him inside, down a hallway and into a bedroom. She also called 911.
Eichhorn arrived a few minutes later. As she stepped into the room where rescuers were working on the boy, she slipped and went down on one knee, then stood back up, according to Richard Cosmillo.
Later that day, she went to an emergency care center and eventually to an orthopedist, according to her attorney, David Heil.
While she was on medical leave, Pavlis said, the city’s insurer paid her medical bills and provided disability checks.And then, when the money ran out and she was looking the grim reality of having to work for her funds in its bloodshot eyes, she downed the last bottle of Everclear, popped a half dozen Oxycontin and called the nearest landshark to see if there was any way of sucking the blood out of the family she was supposed to serve and protect.
Her attorney said those benefits, paid by the city’s workers’ compensation carrier, were not enough. The suit seeks an unspecified amount of money.
Eichhorn, he said, is a victim. Her knee aches, and she will likely develop arthritis.No, she’s not. She’s a clumsy cow who, lamentably, failed to break her ****ing neck when she fell. Hopefully some “freak accident” will correct that omission sometime in the near future before she manages to make Joey homeless and destitute as well as permanently disabled.
If the Cosmillos had made their pool baby-proof, police would not have been called to the scene, there would have been no water on the floor, and Eichhorn would not have hurt herself, he said.And if Sgt. Eichhorn’s mother had kept her knees together or, failing that, scooped up the best part of her sow of a daughter that ran down her legs and shoved it back inside, then the accident wouldn’t have happened either, not to mention that the planet would be a much cleaner place on top of it.
If you need one good reason for stringing every last ****ing damn trial lawyer in the country up from the nearest tree and set fire to their dangling corpses to light up the night, I don’t think you can find one much better than the paragraph quoted above or, indeed, this whole lawsuit.
As to myself, I’m off to the range.