Quote: Originally Posted by karrie
How on earth can there be some unwritten code for men to 'suck it up' when it comes to being buggered though? I don't get that. "If you're a real man, you'll take your anal rape in stride"?
I can see it more when it comes to women... hard to prove, often involving manipulations, "why didn't you want it in the first place', etc. But rape upon men from other men isn't rare. Why is it going underreported?
Because some still have a stigma that if you have been assaulted by another man, you are in some way gay. This isn't correct, but it's still there for some, depending on their upbringing.
As for sucking it up... you either beat the snot out of the guy for trying such a stunt, as what any man should do, or it's your own fault. (Not my view)
It all boils down to what makes a man, a man. Most make that determination on their own, while others are sucked into what the media and society dictates as a man. Men have just as much self-esteme issues as women, but in different aspects. A man is supposed to be able to fix a car when something happens, we're supposed to know how to survive in the woods and kill our food with our bare hands.... we're supposed to chop off a thumb during construction, swear and keep going. We have men's health magazines and sports showing what a man is supposed to look like, all fit and strong, with washboard abs. We're supposed to be rich so we can support a wife and family..... and if we become divorced, we're supposed to suck that up and not worry about half our income suddenly disappearing. And when we're assaulted in any fashion, we're supposed to fight to the death for our position as a man in society.
Ok some of that might be extreme, but bottom line is a man is supposed to be tough and things are not supposed to affect us in that way. If we're raped or sexually assaulted, then we wern't men enough to defend ourselves.... we're weak.... stigma again.
Just like with PTSD.... others go off to fight, kill and see some horrible things, and some men can handle that, while some are drastically affected by it. But because other men can go through those things without any major affect on our mental state, those that do must be in some fashion or another, weak and not man enough. CBC's The National had a special on this along with an interview of a Canadian Soldier who went through these things and the affects they had on his life as he tried to push them to the side like he was told. He almost killed his friends while drinking and driving, his mother found him pacing back and forth in the bathroom like he was still in Afghanistan shouting orders to people who were not around him....
Then when you focus on the affect of being sexually assaulted at a much younger age, everything that most girls might go through, follow boys.... you're stuck thinking you asked for this, or you're not worth anything, which is why this happened to you, and all that other hoopla. That and only girls are raped, not men... if you're raped, you must be gay.
None of that I agree with, but I've seen these messages in society plenty.