The Americans want to buy Greenland. Why don't they buy Britain instead?


Blackleaf
#1
With the pound plummeting towards parity with the dollar, Britain has never been better value.

RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Forget Greenland. Why doesn't Donald Trump buy Great Britain?

By Richard Littlejohn for the Daily Mail
19 Aug 2019


Would being an American state be worse than being an EU one?

Donald Trump loves a deal. Hotels, casinos, golf courses, even small countries if the price is right.

The President’s latest grand scheme is to buy Greenland from Denmark. It makes sense.

Greenland is geographically part of the North American continent, situated strategically between the Atlantic and the Arctic.

There’s already a significant U.S. military presence, part of a global network of early warning systems.

Greenland also has a wealth of unexploited natural resources, including rare metals, oil and gas.

So Trump thinks it’s only logical to buy the whole island, lock, stock and smoked whale meat. Essentially, the President confirmed on Sunday, it would just be a ‘large real estate deal’.

Under the American flag, the 56,000 residents would continue to enjoy just as much autonomy as they do under Danish jurisdiction.

But despite the fact that they could also look forward to a much higher standard of living, they are adamant that Trump’s offer is one they can afford to refuse.

The President doesn’t seem unduly bothered, but he’s always on the lookout for the next big deal. May I, then, suggest that he sets his sights much, much higher and makes a bid for Britain instead?

Why not? With the pound plummeting towards parity with the dollar, Britain has never been better value.

Last time anyone looked, the net worth of the United Kingdom was estimated at £10.2 trillion - making it the fifth-richest country after the United States, China, Japan and Germany. Given falling property prices and uncertainty over Brexit, that can probably be revised downwards.

Call it £10 trillion for cash. Trump would bite our hand off. It would be the biggest bargain of all time and wipe out the deficit at a stroke. What’s Greenland got that we haven’t? Apart from polar bears, that is. And ice.

For £10 trillion Trump would be buying himself the world’s fifth biggest economy and fifth strongest military. Our armed forces continue to punch above their weight and, according to recent estimates, are pound for pound more powerful than the mighty Chinese.

The City of London is the world’s greatest financial hub. Combined with Wall Street, the transatlantic behemoth would be invincible. Embittered pro-Europeans would squeal, but they could hardly object to loss of sovereignty, given that they want to shackle us in perpetuity to an anti-democratic federal EU superstate.

They certainly have no problem with our laws being made in Europe by foreign politicians and enforced by unaccountable judges. Nor with vast swathes of Britain already being owned by foreign companies and governments — everything from airports and railways to power companies.

We’re letting the communist Chinese build our next generation telecoms system and even talking about flogging off what’s left of British Steel to the Turkish army pension fund. Who thought that was a good idea?

London’s high-end property market is dominated by Arab sheiks, Russian oligarchs and assorted kleptocrats. So what possible objection could there be to throwing in our lot with a friendly foreign country — indeed, our closest allies?

Critics complain that it would mean us becoming the 51st State of the U.S. True, but why is that any worse than being a vassal state of the EU?

For a start, we wouldn’t be 51st State in terms of influence. We would immediately become the largest, by population, ahead of California. U.S. states have far more independence from Washington than EU members have from Brussels and Strasbourg. Indeed, your average small town mayor in America has more power than most British Cabinet ministers.

Just think of some of the other advantages. We’d immediately become self-sufficient in energy. The U.S. is now a net exporter of oil and leads the world in shale gas extraction. Under Trump, we too could start fracking on an industrial scale.

There’d be no need to negotiate a post-Brexit trade deal with the U.S, since we’d have automatic, unrestricted access to the world’s biggest market, 360 million people on top of our 66 million.

Far from trying to mete out a punishment beating and stopping us exporting to Europe, the EU would beat a path to our door, begging us to do business with them. And you can bet Trump would drive a hard bargain.

Any French fisherman threatening to cut up rough over quotas would quickly think again if he thought aggressive action would be met with swift retaliation from the U.S. Second Fleet, steaming up and down the Channel on fisheries protection duty, bristling with the latest deadly weaponry.

You can forget all this nonsense about the Irish backstop, too. Once we were webbed up with Washington, Lenny Verruca would be on the blower from Dublin, desperate to get in on the act, pronto.

It would also be make-your-mind-up time for Wee Burney and her SNP gang. They could either get with the programme, and let Trump turn Scotland into a giant golf resort, or opt to become an impoverished outpost of a crumbling, corrupt European technocracy.

My guess is that they’d plump for Trump Holyrood.

As for the Americans, they love the royals and would probably invite Her Maj to be honorary Joint Head of State — that is, until Meghan Markle was ready to run for the White House.

Of course, Boris could beat Meghan to it. He was born in New York and is therefore qualified to stand for the Presidency. World King beckons at last.

I started writing this as a joke, but the more I think about it, the more it appeals. What’s not to like?

The UK and the U.S. share a common language and America’s legal system is based on English common law. The ties that bind are far stronger than any allegiance we are told we owe to an often hostile Continental Europe.

Trump has only ever offered us friendship, free trade and support for Brexit, unlike our so-called European ‘partners’ who seek to humiliate us at every opportunity.

So come on down, Donald. Make us a deal and make it straight.

And if anyone doesn’t like it, I’m told Greenland is very nice at this time of year.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/a...t-Britain.html
Last edited by Blackleaf; Aug 19th, 2019 at 06:48 PM..
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#2
Yeah. why not.

Millions of underage hookers available in East Anglia, eh?
 
Blackleaf
#3
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

Yeah. why not.
Millions of underage hookers available in East Anglia, eh?

East Anglia? If you want a prozzie just go down Lever Street near where where I live. One girl charged me £70 for a blowjob. Another charged me £10 for a blowjob and sex. So their prices vary.

One of them recently showed me around her new house and, weirdly, her wardrobe in her bedroom has the door handles on the inside! How weird is that? So I told her I'll sort it once I find a screwdriver.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
+1 / -1
#4  Top Rated Post
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

East Anglia? If you want a prozzie just go down Lever Street near where where I live. One girl charged me £70 for a blowjob. Another charged me £10 for a blowjob and sex. So their prices vary.
One of them recently showed me around her new house and, weirdly, her wardrobe in her bedroom has the door handles on the inside! How weird is that? So I told her I'll sort it once I find a screwdriver.

The Americans will clean that situation, up.

No visible sexual acts will be allowed in public but it'll be "a-okay" to beat a woman to death with a baseball bat in public.
 
Blackleaf
#5
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

The Americans will clean that situation, up.


No visible sexual acts will be allowed in public but it'll be "a-okay" to beat a woman to death with a baseball bat in public.



I always thought each American state makes its own laws - that makes them more independent from Washington than each EU state is from Brussels (and Strasbourg) which make most of our laws.


Greece and Britain are more joined together than California and Florida are, apart from language.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
-1
#6
Heather Mallick: After buying Greenland, Trump will turn his eye on Canada

Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland because of course he does. He has been mentioning it to staff for weeks. If only they had tittered, the world might have been spared this.
Instead they said, “We could use the Puerto Rico reconstruction money,” or “Right as usual, Mr. President” or “Do you know that Nuuk doesn’t have a single decent hotel?”
Greenland is part of Denmark, however autonomous it thinks it is, and the Danes took a dim view. For one thing, Greenland’s population of 56,000 is mostly Inuit, which would make Trump a colonial power. Remember what he said about previous colonies, the s--thole ones?

If he can’t cope with Scots angry at his golf course in Aberdeenshire, imagine how he’ll incense the locals with his gigantic Leif Erikson Golf and Country Club. It will offer the Wellness Spa at Glacier I and the Trump Thule Restaurant Bar’s Fish and Chips with a Trump Twist (the waiter calls you fat).
They won’t like him building casinos. The world’s largest island is not even a bit green. That was just the real estate agent. “Sure it needs a little paint, a little love, but look at that green patch!” The Onion World Atlas says Greenland is 81 per cent ice, 12 per cent rock, 5 per cent rocky ice and 2 per cent icy rock. When Greenland plays Rock-Paper-Scissors, it wins with Rock and Ice crush Scissors, Paper and the Boat You Sailed In On.

And that’s why politicians are wrong to assume that Trump’s motive is fending off Russian and Chinese ambitions in the Arctic. Trump would never annoy his confidant Putin and he can’t imagine Chinese people being anywhere but China. “They don’t fit in,” he says.
As people age, they often regress to the year they liked most and stop there. Born in 1946, Trump planted his flag in 1971 when he started in his dad’s real estate business at age 25. All Greenland means to him is ice and snow. He keeps hearing about this climate thing so he thinks “cold, the customer wants cold.” Greenland = cold. It has ice and snow. Problem solved.

Trump does deals. He wants to do a Louisiana Purchase with Danish real estate and he assumes it’s for sale. Trump’s lifetime shtick is that everything is for sale and everything, however implausible, can be bought: politicians, loyalty, wives, mistresses, Mar a Lago members, endangered species, hair, the colour orange, and a frozen land mass to shove in the face of those enraging Green people.
To him Greenland is an abstraction. He does not grasp that its main export is rising sea levels. It’s only after he changes Greenland’s name to Mar a Björkland that he realizes he has been confusing it with Iceland all along.
Here comes the awkward bit. The next decades’ weather forecasts for vast areas of the U.S. are hot and flooded with a chance of drought, including New York and Los Angeles, cities he likes.

So what does Trump think of Canada? Not at all. White people. Polite. Ice and snow. Fresh water. What will the U.S. soon need in large quantities? Water for irrigation. A decade from now, fresh water will be Canada’s most valuable commodity.

He will buy Canada. I was the first to call Sarah Palin a hillbilly catastrophe™ for the Republican Party and say she would open the door to bad things, which turned out to be Trump. That was my best Idea IPO. I bought low because no one believed me, and sold high.
I long ago trademarked the prediction that the U.S. will one day invade™ Canada because it wants what we have. Maybe Trump will say, “Give us all your water and we won’t invade.” Or he will invade.

But first he will try to buy us. His first offer will be a few billion, less than he plans to spend on his Mexican wall. As with Greenland, he will not be happy to discover that Canadians are not all white and not a bit polite, their ice and snow is melting, and their rivers are already drying up.

Not everything is for sale. In 1971, it was, and Trump lives in that year still.

Heather Mallick is a columnist based in Toronto covering current affairs.
 
Jinentonix
No Party Affiliation
+1
#7
Quote:

I long ago trademarked the prediction that the U.S. will one day invade™ Canada because it wants what we have.

What a blow-hard, self-aggrandizing twat. I guess she never read or heard of 'Exxoneration'.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
+1
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by Jinentonix View Post

What a blow-hard, self-aggrandizing twat. I guess she never read or heard of 'Exxoneration'.

I guess that reading Mein Kampf hardened your attitudes some.
 
Tecumsehsbones
#9
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1iivwyWjs4
 
Jinentonix
No Party Affiliation
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

I guess that reading Mein Kampf hardened your attitudes some.

Nah, I picked up my shitty attitude towards women who think differently than I do from your hero, Prince Groper.
 
Blackleaf
#11
The Americans are good at buying land and then incorporating as a state - just think of Louisiana and Alaska. Alaska was part of Russia until tsar Alexander II decided to get rid of it just after the Crimean War with the British because he thought it'd be hard to defend if the British invaded it. He very nearly sold it to Liechtenstein. Had he done so, that tiny country wouldn't be so tiny today. The American public weren't too happy with the 1867 purchase, though, calling it "worthless land" and an "icebox".
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by Jinentonix View Post

Nah, I picked up my shitty attitude towards women who think differently than I do from your hero, Prince Groper.

I don't vote Liberal. I vote Tory. I am a moderate, middle Tory who believes in balancing books but not in rounding up immigrants and putting them in death camps.

I guess that the second part makes we weak-kneed to a few of you boneheads. Continue on with your fantasy, anyway

I couldn't give a shyte if Trudeau lives or does..
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#13
The Prime Minister of Iceland says she'll "pass" on meeting with Pence.

http://time.com/5658037/iceland-pm-s...g-pence-visit/

I'd say that it must be pretty damned hard to piss off Scandinavia, of all places but the Orange Wacko has managed to do it.
 
Hoid
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

I don't vote Liberal. I vote Tory. .

like it matters
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
+1
#15
Quote: Originally Posted by Hoid View Post

like it matters

I will never vote for a party headed by a Trudeaunor will millions of others. That is old PET's legacy.
 
Blackleaf
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

The Prime Minister of Iceland says she'll "pass" on meeting with Pence.
http://time.com/5658037/iceland-pm-s...g-pence-visit/
I'd say that it must be pretty damned hard to piss off Scandinavia, of all places but the Orange Wacko has managed to do it.

How does Iceland cope outside the EU? Icelanders must have a terrible standard of living.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

How does Iceland cope outside the EU? Icelanders must have a terrible standard of living.

They beat the Royal Navy during the Fish Wars.

As a matter of fact, they populated their island with British slaves, originally.

Anyway, what the Icelanders have that the British don't have are ......


Dentists!
 
Blackleaf
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

They beat the Royal Navy during the Fish Wars.
As a matter of fact, they populated their island with British slaves, originally.
Anyway, what the Icelanders have that the British don't have are ......
Dentists!

You think the Cod Wars were real wars.

I'm not surprised by that.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

You think the Cod Wars were real wars.
I'm not surprised by that.

You don't think they're real because your side lost.
 
Blackleaf
#20
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

You don't think they're real because your side lost.

In reality, I don't think they were real actual wars for a very simple reason - they weren't.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

In reality, I don't think they were real actual wars for a very simple reason - they weren't.

In reality, we get some of our Atlantic Cod from Iceland.

We get Twizzlers from the UK.
 
Blackleaf
#22
Although each one ended in an Icelandic victory, Iceland had more deaths from these three "wars" than the British: 1 compared to Britain's 0. He was accidentally killed in the Second Cod War (1972-73) while he was repairing damage on the Icelandic gunboat Ægir after a collision with the British frigate Apollo.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#23
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

Although each one ended in an Icelandic victory, Iceland had more deaths from these three "wars" than the British: 1 compared to Britain's 0. He was accidentally killed in the Second Cod War (1972-73) while he was repairing damage on the Icelandic gunboat Ægir after a collision with the British frigate Apollo.

I'm surprised that Apollo didn't go straight down.
 
Blackleaf
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

In reality, we get some of our Atlantic Cod from Iceland.
We get Twizzlers from the UK.

And yet Iceland isn't in the EU.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#25
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

And yet Iceland isn't in the EU.

.... and your point is?
 
Blackleaf
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

.... and your point is?

You know what my point is and have already shown your inability to rebuff it.
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by Blackleaf View Post

You know what my point is and have already shown your inability to rebuff it.

No, you said the Iceland is not part of the EU and you don't know how they get by.


... and I suggested Dentistry.
 
pgs
Free Thinker
#28
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

In reality, we get some of our Atlantic Cod from Iceland.

We get Twizzlers from the UK.

We used to get it from Newfoundland but the Canadian navy couldn’t protect the grounds .
 
Curious Cdn
Conservative
#29
Quote: Originally Posted by pgs View Post

We used to get it from Newfoundland but the Canadian navy couldn’t protect the grounds .

Thank your Russian friends, for that.
 
pgs
Free Thinker
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by Curious Cdn View Post

Thank your Russian friends, for that.

Maybe you should have been fighting them on the Grand Banks instead of the North Sea .
 

Similar Threads

0
Americans seek asylum in Britain
by Blackleaf | Oct 16th, 2006
57
So... what is this Greenland thing About
by EagleSmack | Aug 23rd, 2005