Happiness & Selfish

hariharan

Nominee Member
Jan 28, 2008
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India
When do I be happy? I am happy when the things are done in the way I wanted. I am happy when my favorite team wins. I am happy when the food is of my taste. I am happy when my boss grates me. I am happy when I spend the weekend with my loved one. Most of my happiness based on my preferences and desires. Tell me is my happiness based on my selfishness?
 

scratch

Senate Member
May 20, 2008
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When do I be happy? I am happy when the things are done in the way I wanted. I am happy when my favorite team wins. I am happy when the food is of my taste. I am happy when my boss grates me. I am happy when I spend the weekend with my loved one. Most of my happiness based on my preferences and desires. Tell me is my happiness based on my selfishness?

I agree with you. It is your life to do with as you please. I do not see it as selfish at all. More power to you.
And welcome to Canadian Content.
Sincerely,
scratch

 

talloola

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 14, 2006
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When do I be happy? I am happy when the things are done in the way I wanted. I am happy when my favorite team wins. I am happy when the food is of my taste. I am happy when my boss grates me. I am happy when I spend the weekend with my loved one. Most of my happiness based on my preferences and desires. Tell me is my happiness based on my selfishness?

Yeah, sort of, ask yourself, are you 'a happy person' in life, period, do you need all of
those things to happen to 'make' you a happy person, and what is your mood when you
are left on your own and have to make things happen 'for you', or just doing nothing.
Do you deflate and become 'glum' and have no motivation'!!!
Happiness, 'just is'.
 
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Dexter Sinister

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Oct 1, 2004
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Regina, SK
Tell me is my happiness based on my selfishness?
No, I wouldn't say so, but I'd also argue that happiness isn't really what you're talking about with those examples. I see that you're in India so perhaps English isn't your first language, and if so there are some subtle ideas here that might be hard to explain. Your examples are things that please you in the short term: your team wins, the food's good, you spend time with someone you love, stuff like that. But happiness is bigger than that. Your team won't always win, the food won't always be good, you won't always be able to spend time with someone you love, but those won't make your life unhappy, unless of course they're *always* what happens. My team won last autumn, for instance, my home town football team won the Canadian championship for the first time since 1989, and for a while I was delighted. That lasted about 30 minutes, but in the long term it doesn't really matter much, it's not one of the things that define the quality of my life. That comes from my wife, my children, my friends, the significance of the work I do and what I can do to help others. Real happiness, in my view, is about being connected to other people in important ways, about making a positive difference in the lives of others. That's what makes me happy.
 

Scott Free

House Member
May 9, 2007
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BC
People do everything for a selfish reason. If helping people makes you happy then you'll do it. If stealing cars makes you happy then you'll do that. It just turns out that over time most people have developed a sense of happiness out of supporting people and civilization. I don't think that is any accident but a product of social evolution and expectation. There is no reason someone entirely focused on themselves couldn't be happy but in a society where that isn't considered socially developed behaviour and where other people may not see benefit themselves, the self centered person will find themselves alone. The single most important thing to human happiness is friends and family (but mostly friends). We are social creatures and by exhibiting altruistic behaviour we can attract friends and family. So it is better to care about other people, for your own benefit.
 

lena

Electoral Member
Feb 20, 2005
131
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ab
Scott I really like your answer except for the mostly friends part. Family in my mind is always and forever...this seems to be very week nowadays .......I'm still bafffled by the me poster
 

hariharan

Nominee Member
Jan 28, 2008
53
1
8
India
No, I wouldn't say so, but I'd also argue that happiness isn't really what you're talking about with those examples. I see that you're in India so perhaps English isn't your first language, and if so there are some subtle ideas here that might be hard to explain. Your examples are things that please you in the short term: your team wins, the food's good, you spend time with someone you love, stuff like that. But happiness is bigger than that. Your team won't always win, the food won't always be good, you won't always be able to spend time with someone you love, but those won't make your life unhappy, unless of course they're *always* what happens. My team won last autumn, for instance, my home town football team won the Canadian championship for the first time since 1989, and for a while I was delighted. That lasted about 30 minutes, but in the long term it doesn't really matter much, it's not one of the things that define the quality of my life. That comes from my wife, my children, my friends, the significance of the work I do and what I can do to help others. Real happiness, in my view, is about being connected to other people in important ways, about making a positive difference in the lives of others. That's what makes me happy.

Yes, English is not my first language. Excuse me if my English is wrong. My examples may not be exactly explaning what I wanted to convey. I agree with you in long run my team wins or losses doesn’t matter much. But my point is to discuss relation between happnies and selfishness.

“That comes from my wife, my children, my friends, the significance of the work I do and what I can do to help others. Real happiness, in my view, is about being connected to other people in important ways, about making a positive difference in the lives of others. That's what makes me happy.”

You love your wife because you want to be loved by your wife. From Scott post “care about other people, for your own benefit

” Is this selfishness? This what I wanted to discuss.
 

dancing-loon

House Member
Oct 8, 2007
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Hi, Hari;-)

I have to do some deep thinking about your question, as I have no ready answer. In the meantime I hope our honorable member, China, will pick up on your question and share his wisdom on the subject with us.
China, how about it?
 

dancing-loon

House Member
Oct 8, 2007
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Back already!!!:lol:

I remembered Gopher's posting in the Positive Affirmations thread:
Yesterday, 11:07 PM

the source of real happiness:

--------------------------------------------------------
Truth is we all need it, want it, and pursue it.
That would also answer your question, "is happiness selfish?" I would say, in the case of money it is!
 

quandary121

Time Out
Apr 20, 2008
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:[/URL]But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?
Albert Camus:
When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter.

Albert Schweitzer:
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

Albert Schweitzer:
I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.

Albert Schweitzer:
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

Algernon Black:
Why not let people differ about their answers to the great mysteries of the Universe? Let each seek one's own way to the highest, to one's own sense of supreme loyalty in life, one's ideal of life. Let each philosophy, each world-view bring forth its truth and beauty to a larger perspective, that people may grow in vision, stature and dedication.

This entry continued ...
Allan K. Chalmers:
The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Amy Lowell:
Happiness: We rarely feel it.
I would buy it, beg it, steal it,
Pay in coins of dripping blood
For this one transcendent good.

Anne Frank:
We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.

Anne Frank:
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

Aristotle:
Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient

Baruch Spinoza:
What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.

Benjamin Disraeli:
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

Bertrand Russell:
The happiness that is genuinely satisfying is accompanied by the fullest exercise of our faculties and the fullest realization of the world in which we live.

Brother David Steindl-Rast :
Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more.

Buddha:
Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.

Carl Jung:
There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Claude Monet:
The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration.

Denis Waitley:
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

Ecclesiastes:
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8​
Edith Wharton:
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.

Edward de Bono:
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind.

Eric Hoffer:
You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy.

Felix Adler:
The truth which has made us free will in the end make us glad also.

Fran Leibowitz:
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

Francoise de Motteville:
The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure.

Franklin D. Roosevelt:
Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.

George Burns:
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Sand:
There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

H.H. the Dalai Lama:
The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.

HH the Dalai Lama:
When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

HH the Dalai Lama:
Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.

This entry continued ...
HH the Dalai Lama:
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

Helen Keller:
Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.

Helen Keller:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Helen Keller:
Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Henry David Thoreau:
That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.

Henry David Thoreau:
The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?

Horace Friess:
All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within.

Hubert H. Humphrey:
Here we are the way politics ought to be in America; the politics of happiness, the politics of purpose and the politics of joy.

James M. Barrie:
Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

James Oppenheim:
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.

John Barrymore:
Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

John D. Rockefeller:
I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.

John Milton:
The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

Kalidasa:
Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

Kin Hubbard:
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness. Poverty an' wealth have both failed.

Leo Buscaglia:
What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

M. Scott Peck:
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Marcel Proust:
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Margaret Bonnano:
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis.

Mark Twain:
Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

Mark Twain:
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Mark Twain:
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Mark Twain:
Happiness is a Swedish sunset -- it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.

Mark Twain:
The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.

Martha Washington:
The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.

Mohandas K. Gandhi:
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Nathaniel Hawthorne:
Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Norman MacEwan:
Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Oliver Wendell Holmes:
The world has to learn that the actual pleasure derived from material things is of rather low quality on the whole and less even in quantity than it looks to those who have not tried it.

Pearl S. Buck:
Growth itself contains the germ of happiness.

Peyton Conway March:
There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
To fill the hour -- that is happiness.

Ramona L. Anderson:
People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.

Robert Heinlein:
Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

Robert Louis Stevenson:
There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.

Sophocles:
Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.

Susan B. Anthony:
Independence is happiness.

Theodor Fontane:
Happiness, it seems to me, consists of two things: first, in being where you belong, and second -- and best -- in comfortably going through everyday life, that is, having had a good night's sleep and not being hurt by new shoes.

Thich Nhat Hanh:
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

Thomas Jefferson:
The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.

Thomas Jefferson:
But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life; and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine.

W. Beran Wolfe:
If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator.

Willa Cather:That is happiness; to be dissolved into something completely great.
http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_happiness.html
 

quandary121

Time Out
Apr 20, 2008
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Truth is we all need it, want it, and pursue it.

Im surprised at you dancing-loon ,i neither want it, or pursue it,
i may need it, but that's all, i have no desire to worship money,to me it is the destruction of us all,I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
There are, though, two confusions involved in the idea that anything significant can be discovered by looking for a correlation between wealth and happiness. One concerns the nature of happiness, the other the nature of wealth.For most people it is likely that wealth has to improve in order for their happiness level to remain constant; if their wealth were to decline, so would their happiness.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2008/04/10/do1003.xml
The other confusion concerns wealth. If a person has a million pounds in the bank and never touches a penny of it, or a huge mansion and never occupies it, it is the same as if he had neither the money nor the house. What this shows is that wealth is not so much what one has, but what one does with it.
A man who has a thousand pounds and spends it on a wonderful trip to the Galapagos Islands is a rich man indeed: the experiences, the things learnt, the differences wrought in him by both, are true wealth.
If you would like to know how rich a person is, you need to ask not how much money he has, but how much he has spent.
This idea is associated with the wise teaching that the philosophers and poets of antiquity never tired of repeating: that a rich person is he who has enough.
If his needs are modest and his habits frugal, then so long as his resources provide enough to meet both, he is rich.
But the man is poor who, despite owning millions, restlessly yearns for more because he feels he cannot have enough, and in particular who lacks the things money cannot buy - ah yes, for these unpurchasable treasures can never be left out of the picture: friendship, love, a sound digestion and a reliable, natural ability to sleep at nights, are indispensable to the possibility of happiness, if not directly supplying it.
In thinking about happiness and wealth, one should avoid using the words ''happiness' and ''wealth'', and think instead of more accurate and more substantial words that denote what one truly thinks these things are.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2008/04/10/do1003.xml
If his needs are modest and his habits frugal, then so long as his resources provide enough to meet both, he is rich.
 

dancing-loon

House Member
Oct 8, 2007
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my favourite.
Nathaniel Hawthorne:Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
Yes, I agree, Michael! Happiness can not be chased and caught. It is a gift, but much depends on our nature, our disposition to recognize it. Being content is being happy.

I received a little nudge, a reminder of how sudden and unannouced life here on earth can be over. Now, a year later, I have become much more at ease, almost liberated, hardly worry at all... I even stopped taking my medication!8O :lol::lol: I feel good, and am as happy as I can be every day... happy to walk, to see the sunset, the windmills silhuetted against the glowing horizon, children playing soccer, watering my flowers, planting rooted geraniums, eating fresh blackberries, a visit, bracing a fruitladen branch of my plum tree, going to the mail box, looking out the front window, enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning while checking the e-mail and the forum, talking on the phone with my children, going to bed at night without worrying over money, bills, bad health or pain.... all that are moments of happiness throughout the day.
I hope you are happy, too, sweet Quandary,:love5:and Hari in India;-) and Andem in Berlin, and Norm in California, and Safari in GTA, and MikeyDB in London, and my young friend in China, and data in Germany, and ... and....

Good Night:smile: