Do I love my live now or in the past? Simple question and yet difficult to answer. Before July 21st, 1991 at about 3 in the afternoon, I loved almost every part of my life. Sure there were parts I didn't love but hey, we all have those at some point in time...bad choices, etc. For the most part though, I loved life, loved running, loved most sports, had just gone white water rafting, was about to take up down hill skiing again, loved the outdoors, loved people...you get the idea.
But then my world came crashing down. Without going into detail, I was severely injured from head to toe. I ended up unconscious with my left leg bent at the knee the wrong way...up to my chest. I had to take three years off work and the doctors mostly thought I would never make it back to work. Even the brain aneurysm I now have, they feel may have been caused from back then since there were also very bad head injuries.
So, do I love my life now? Well, let's see. Because I couldn't walk for so long, I went from having a lovely figure to being grossly overweight, I have to walk with a cane, I am in constant pain and I take 25 pills a days with the possibilitity of soon having to take more. I'm not looking for pity, btw...hell, I feel sorry enough for myself without anyone else having to feel that way for me.
To be honest, I tolerate my life now. A lot of the time, I hate my life but there are times when I smile and actually like it. I feel sorry for my husband...he didn't bargain for this. I do so wish he could have seen me the way I used to be...when I was useful and could actually do things and when I was truly happy. In fact, I wish that all people who know me now could have known me then.
Please don't feel sorry for me though...obviously God had it in his plans for all of this to happen. Many, many students learned to be comfortable around disabled people on account of me. And when I was teaching, I rarely really felt the pain all that much. It just seemed to hit me when the last child would leave, whether that was at 4 p.m. or 7 p.m. I probably would never have met my hubby either, since my lifestyle would have been totally different.
