No "theory" - This IS a Conspiracy!

[Ten Packs]

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier?
And, everything is farther away... Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged SO much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so damn fast today! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them..... All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling some sort of prank, too. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has cause fonts to be smaller than they once were too.

 

[Ten Packs]

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier?
And, everything is farther away... Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged SO much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so damn fast today! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them..... All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling some sort of prank, too. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has cause fonts to be smaller than they once were too.

 

[Ten Packs]

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier?
And, everything is farther away... Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged SO much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so damn fast today! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them..... All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling some sort of prank, too. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has cause fonts to be smaller than they once were too.

 

[Dexter Sinister]

Ten Packs, when you're right, you're right.

Further evidence: popular music has suddenly become meaningless noise. Rap, Hip Hop, or whatever the hot fad is this week, what IS that stuff? And who are all those witless, badly dressed children singing it? We once had real music, actual tunes and rhythms, stuff you could sing along with, and dance to, with lyrics that meant something interesting and important.

Who shortened my arms? I have to hold my newspaper uncomfortably far away to read it now. And who thinned my hair? Moved basketball hoops up to 12 feet from 10? And made the ball so much heavier? And the net smaller? And muffled the speakers on my tv and stereo systems? And shrank the waistband on all my pants? And removed 20 IQ points from everybody under 40?

On the other hand, Scotch tastes a lot better than it used to. But there's no doubt about it, something's going on here, and I wanna know who's responsible. I haven't understood anything since about 1987.

 

[Dexter Sinister]

Ten Packs, when you're right, you're right.

Further evidence: popular music has suddenly become meaningless noise. Rap, Hip Hop, or whatever the hot fad is this week, what IS that stuff? And who are all those witless, badly dressed children singing it? We once had real music, actual tunes and rhythms, stuff you could sing along with, and dance to, with lyrics that meant something interesting and important.

Who shortened my arms? I have to hold my newspaper uncomfortably far away to read it now. And who thinned my hair? Moved basketball hoops up to 12 feet from 10? And made the ball so much heavier? And the net smaller? And muffled the speakers on my tv and stereo systems? And shrank the waistband on all my pants? And removed 20 IQ points from everybody under 40?

On the other hand, Scotch tastes a lot better than it used to. But there's no doubt about it, something's going on here, and I wanna know who's responsible. I haven't understood anything since about 1987.

 

[Dexter Sinister]

Ten Packs, when you're right, you're right.

Further evidence: popular music has suddenly become meaningless noise. Rap, Hip Hop, or whatever the hot fad is this week, what IS that stuff? And who are all those witless, badly dressed children singing it? We once had real music, actual tunes and rhythms, stuff you could sing along with, and dance to, with lyrics that meant something interesting and important.

Who shortened my arms? I have to hold my newspaper uncomfortably far away to read it now. And who thinned my hair? Moved basketball hoops up to 12 feet from 10? And made the ball so much heavier? And the net smaller? And muffled the speakers on my tv and stereo systems? And shrank the waistband on all my pants? And removed 20 IQ points from everybody under 40?

On the other hand, Scotch tastes a lot better than it used to. But there's no doubt about it, something's going on here, and I wanna know who's responsible. I haven't understood anything since about 1987.