"Asshole of the Year" contestant

Locutus

Adorable Deplorable
Jun 18, 2007
32,230
45
48
65
Insane Asshole Physically Assaults 11-Year-Old Girl for Lollapalooza Beach Ball



Encountering an asshole at a music festival is about as surprising as encountering ants at a picnic, so it takes a special monster to rise above the rest and be singled out as one of the most horrible concert attendees (and humans) to have ever lived. Sadly, 19-year-old Conrad Slimak was all too happy to fill that role when, during the Lollapalooza music festival in Chicago this past Sunday, he punched an 11-year-old girl in the stomach for refusing to give him the Lollapalooza branded beach ball that she received while attending the event with her mother.

Michelle Fiore was walking with her daughter outside of the festival around 8:45pm when she was approached by Slimak and three of his friends, all of whom were wearing 3-day Lollapalooza wristbands. The group allegedly requested that the mother and daughter give them one of their souvenir beach balls and Fiore, thinking that they were joking, responded, "Sure, that will be $50.''

Reportedly, Slimak — going from being an annoying dickbag to a full-on barbarian — became upset, shouting, "I'm a college student. Does it look like I have money?" before punching the 11-year-old in the abdomen to force her to drop the ball.

"It's ridiculous,'' said Fiore to the Chicago Tribune. "We were attacked for a beach ball.''

The daughter — who thankfully was not injured enough to go the the hospital — and mother were then able to flag down a police car and Slimak was immediately caught and taken into custody where he was charged with misdemeanor battery and assault.

Hope it was worth it, Conrad, because your broke college-self (who, by the way, could afford a full weekend concert pass) is about to endure — in addition to being thrown in jail — a lifetime of being labeled as the full-grown asshole who punched a little girl because you wanted her toy.

Cops: Man punched girl, 11, to get beach ball at Lollapalooza [Chicago Tribune]


Insane Asshole Physically Assaults 11-Year-Old Girl for Lollapalooza Beach Ball
 

SLM

The Velvet Hammer
Mar 5, 2011
29,151
3
36
London, Ontario
Asshole of the Year. Yep, he wins, hands down.

Hope he enjoys a very public shaming in his community as well, see what a few months of being known as the "guy who punches little girls for a toy" will do for his humility.
 

petros

The Central Scrutinizer
Nov 21, 2008
108,901
11,182
113
Low Earth Orbit
Can I punch him out instead of the court system slapping his poor college attending wrists?

Poor? How could he afford a 3 day Lollapalooza pass? It was $60 20 years ago when I went and beat up an 11 year old girl. It's gotta be a couple hundred by now.
 

55Mercury

rigid member
May 31, 2007
4,272
988
113
And wouldn't you know it? Conrad Slimak does NOT have a facebook account! Proof conclusive to his anti-sociability.
 

Colpy

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 5, 2005
21,887
847
113
69
Saint John, N.B.
Can I punch him out instead of the court system slapping his poor college attending wrists?

Poor? How could he afford a 3 day Lollapalooza pass? It was $60 20 years ago when I went and beat up an 11 year old girl. It's gotta be a couple hundred by now.

Was beating up the 11 year old girl included, or did you have to pay extra??
 

55Mercury

rigid member
May 31, 2007
4,272
988
113
This is why you shouldn't bring your kids to lolaploozafestravaganzas. They act up and then ya gotta swat 'em.
 

CDNBear

Custom Troll
Sep 24, 2006
43,839
207
63
Ontario
Would you people mind putting a stop to the besmirching of Assholes please.

There's a difference between Assholes, and the clown in the OP.
 

CDNBear

Custom Troll
Sep 24, 2006
43,839
207
63
Ontario
We capitalized, our bad. Dickwad of the Year perhaps?
Works for me.

As in assholes have a purpose in life whereas this pissant doesn't?
Yes.

I worked very hard to get my PhD in Assholology.

I find it very disconcerting when I see the fine art of Assholology, Assholism, and Assholes in general confused for the common asshole.
 

Goober

Hall of Fame Member
Jan 23, 2009
24,691
116
63
Moving
Works for me.

Yes.

I worked very hard to get my PhD in Assholology.

I find it very disconcerting when I see the fine art of Assholology, Assholism, and Assholes in general confused for the common asshole.

I agree - I worked quite hard for my Doctorate. Teaching the skill sets now but it can be very trying at times.
 

damngrumpy

Executive Branch Member
Mar 16, 2005
9,949
21
38
kelowna bc
Remember the condemnation of an asshole is outrageous, Assholes are useful
this guy is not. I think people should go to court and find out where he works if
he has a part time job and what institution he attends.
Yup he's simply a waste of space.
 

Kreskin

Doctor of Thinkology
Feb 23, 2006
21,155
149
63
He's more like dog**** or slug slime. Or horse farts and cat puke. Maybe he's raw sewage or elephant dung. He could be recycled feces or crotch wrotch. Viper vomit or snake snot. Who knows, maybe he's just a Republican?
 
Last edited:

shadowshiv

Dark Overlord
May 29, 2007
17,545
120
63
50
Asshole of the Year. Yep, he wins, hands down.

Hope he enjoys a very public shaming in his community as well, see what a few months of being known as the "guy who punches little girls for a toy" will do for his humility.

Once other prisoners realize what he is in jail for (and they WILL find out), he will be getting a hell of a lot more than a public shaming.