Bullied son of Ottawa city councillor commits suicide

[mentalfloss]

Bullied son of Ottawa city councillor commits suicide

An Ottawa teenager who committed suicide Saturday suffered constant bullying and posted suicidal thoughts on his blog for months before he died.

Fifteen-year-old Jamie Hubley, son of Ottawa city councillor Allan Hubley, was suffering from depression and receiving care from doctors and counsellors, according to his father.

They were trying to help Jamie, who was openly gay, as he struggled with being bullied because of his sexuality, Allan Hubley said in a written statement. “He struggled with the idea that people can judge you harshly even when you are trying to help others,” he said, adding that bullying was “definitely a factor” in his son’s suicide.

When Jamie recently started a Rainbow Club at his high school to promote the acceptance of others, the posters were torn down and he was called names, his father said. “In Grade 7 he was treated very cruelly simply because he liked figure skating over hockey,” the councillor said.

He said his son starting to excel as a singer. Jamie was a member of his school’s Glee club and regularly performed at the school’s coffeehouses.

But his frequently updated blog featured suicidal musings and photos depicting self-harm as he descended into a deeper depression.

“I wish I could be happy, I try, I try I try,” he wrote in the blog. “I just want to feel special to someone.”

He also expressed frustration about being bullied and dreaded returning to school in September.

Jamie’s last blog post was his suicide note.

“Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore,” he wrote. “I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not.”

Ottawa-Carleton District School Board director of education Jennifer Adams told the Star the board has programs in place to help address bullying, but there’s more work to be done. “We want to make sure that every one of our students feels like they belong and that they’re respected,” she said.

Thousands of people have expressed condolences on Facebook and others have posted video tributes to Jamie on YouTube. Students at A.Y. Jackson Secondary School have organized a rainbow bracelet sale, proceeds of which will go to Jer’s Vision, an anti-bullying and anti-homophobia organization.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, or if you are in distress and need to speak with someone, please call one of the city’s crisis support lines:

Toronto Distress Line: 416-408-4357
Survivor Support Program: 416-595-1716

Canada News: Bullied son of Ottawa city councillor commits suicide - thestar.com

 

[karrie]

Am I the only one suspecting the whole antibullying crusade of causing more problems than it's solving? I know, I know, it sounds cruel and jaded, but I can't help but feel something that's a normal aspect of childhood development has now been turned criminal. And so these kids who do get bullied, seem to feel it ten times worse. And when it feels ten times worse, but still parents can't easily pin down the 'he said she said' stuff that accompanies it, it ends in suicide. Not to mention the 'bully the bully' mentality that seems to just spark all out wars where everyone feels justified because they believe they were bullied first. It smacks of a social experiment gone wrong.

 

[mentalfloss]

I think in his case it was because he was clearly, so flagrantly gay.

And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but obviously most guys and even some girls have a certain tolerance limit for that kind of behaviour. It's a social gender issue that hopefully works itself out as people become more tolerant, or learn to communicate their disagreement with someone else's behaviour without bullying or implying that there is something objectively wrong with the other person.

 

[JLM]

Am I the only one suspecting the whole antibullying crusadeof causing more problems than it's solving? I know, I know, it sounds cruel and jaded, but I can't help but feel something that's a normal aspect of childhood development has now been turned criminal. And so these kids who do get bullied, seem to feel it ten times worse. And when it feels ten times worse, but still parents can't easily pin down the 'he said she said' stuff that accompanies it, it ends in suicide. Not to mention the 'bully the bully' mentality that seems to just spark all out wars where everyone feels justified because they believe they were bullies first. It smacks of a social experiment gone wrong.

It's just one of several issues that is being reacted to in a big way these days, is it any worse than gender issues, race issues, sexual orientation issues, poverty issues, free speech issues? Maybe it is being overdone BUT maybe that's because of a child behaviour issue that hasn't been properly dealt with. Maybe it's adults who are at fault too, too much importance being put in being "macho", which in part may mean beating the sh*t out of someone. :lol:

 

[petros]

This would have never happened if he went to DeGrassi.

 

[JLM]

I think in his case it was because he was clearly, so flagrantly gay.

And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but obviously most guys and even some girls have a certain tolerance limit for that kind of behaviour. It's a social gender issue that hopefully works itself out as people become more tolerant, or learn to communicate their disagreement with someone else's behaviour without bullying or implying that there is something objectively wrong with the other person.

I know what you mean, once in a blue moon I'll come across someone who for no good reason I just find repulsive, even though it's not their fault, but I realize this is not their problem (unless they deliberately get in my face) and quickly switch to the philosophy of "get away from it and mind my own business".

This would have never happened if he went to DeGrassi.

Absolutely but bus fare may be prohibitive! :smile:

 

[EagleSmack]

Am I the only one suspecting the whole antibullying crusade of causing more problems than it's solving? I know, I know, it sounds cruel and jaded, but I can't help but feel something that's a normal aspect of childhood development has now been turned criminal. And so these kids who do get bullied, seem to feel it ten times worse. And when it feels ten times worse, but still parents can't easily pin down the 'he said she said' stuff that accompanies it, it ends in suicide. Not to mention the 'bully the bully' mentality that seems to just spark all out wars where everyone feels justified because they believe they were bullied first. It smacks of a social experiment gone wrong.

I'm not sure. Some people are weak and have no defenses to a bully. I personally think it should be a crime. Why the heck should a stronger kid or group be allowed to bully without repercussions?

I have two sons in HS. My oldest (a Senior) is definately a tough kid. My younger son (a Freshman) is not so much. Within the first few days oh high school my youngest ran into some bullies (for the first time ever because he is such a nice kid) at lunch that decided to take it beyond the lunch period because they were having such fun. It got back to my oldest boy and his older cousin, and they made a point to go to each bully and give them a little taste of their own medicine. I have to be honest, I enjoyed the feedback from my oldest son and the cousin from their confrontations with these punks....

Sorry! I'm sorry!..... I didn't know he was your brother...... I'll never talk to him again...... I'll leave him alone....... Ok! Ok! I get it

My youngest is lucky (as am I) that he had an older and tough brother and an older and tough cousin. How awful it must be for the ones that don't. In conclusion I told my oldest that he got the message across and now to let it go and not to now become the bully.

I F*ing hate bullies and bullying. I do with a passion.

 

[petros]

Good thing the youngest has a brother otherwise the situation could be different. Teach him to fight with skates on. It worked for me.

 

[EagleSmack]

Good thing the youngest has a brother otherwise the situation could be different. Teach him to fight with skates on. It worked for me.

No question Petros. That is why I said he AND I were both lucky because there is not much a parent can do except go to the school and hope that they can do something. My oldest is very wise as well. He said to me...

"Sh**, Tim is such a nice kid and never bothers anyone. What would have happened if I wasn't there? That is what got me mad is that Tim is so nice and happy all the time and this could have changed him if he didn't have me and Joey (his cuz) there."

Some details. When my son confronted them he called them all out to fight after school or right there. He also told them they can bully him any time they want. He told me he was "Mother F*er"ing them. His cousin Joey grabbed one by the shirt/shoulder and formerly introduced his younger cousin to them...

"This is Tim... Tim is my cousin... if I hear again, about him being picked on.... etc."

Tim later told me that his cuz kept squeezing the other kid's shoulder harder and harder as he made his point.

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

Poor kid.

 

[EagleSmack]

Poor kid.

I feel awful for his parents too. That was their little boy and to know he was subjected to that torment.

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

I feel awful for his parents too. That was their little boy and to know he was subjected to that torment.

It really is a disgusting debacle. I took a beating by six guys in a school bathroom in High School. That was the last beating I ever took.

 

[JLM]

Good thing the youngest has a brother otherwise the situation could be different. Teach him to fight with skates on. It worked for me.

When I was about 13 I was being picked on by a kid (who I had once considered my friend) who was bigger, older and tougher than I was (I was a shrimp) on the school bus and when I got off the bus that night I had a gnawing feeling that this wasn't finished and I might need some help, so I got my brother aged about 9 just to hang out at the bus stop the following afternoon(this was out in the boondocks) until my bus arrived. Well sure as Hell the bully followed me off the bus and I'm running down the road for home like a bat out of hell when all of a sudden little brother jumps out of the bush with an insulater that had fallen off a pole (probably a pound or more) and heaved it at my pursuer- well it missed him and hit me right in the jaw. One good thing came out of it, the bully didn't have the heart to beat the sh*t out of me after that. In those days there was some decency in most kids.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

When I was about 13 I was being picked on by a kid (who I had once considered my friend) who was bigger, older and tougher than I was (I was a shrimp) on the school bus and when I got off the bus that night I had a gnawing feeling that this wasn't finished and I might need some help, so I got my brother aged about 9 just to hang out at the bus stop the following afternoon(this was out in the boondocks) until my bus arrived. Well sure as Hell the bully followed me off the bus and I'm running down the road for home like a bat out of hell when all of a sudden little brother jumps out of the bush with an insulater that had fallen off a pole (probably a pound or more) and heaved it at my pursuer- well it missed him and hit me right in the jaw. One good thing came out of it, the bully didn't have the heart to beat the sh*t out of me after that. In those days there was some decency in most kids.

And all this time your little brother has you convinced that he missed?

 

[EagleSmack]

And all this time your little brother has you convinced that he missed?

No kidding! What a dumb azz you are JLM!

 

[WLDB]

Am I the only one suspecting the whole antibullying crusade of causing more problems than it's solving? I know, I know, it sounds cruel and jaded, but I can't help but feel something that's a normal aspect of childhood development has now been turned criminal.

There are a lot of things which were once normal and now considered criminal. Times change. If you push someone to suicide you are committing a crime. Also, suicide isnt the only response kids have to being bullied. Remember Columbine? Suicide and murder are the extremes, but they do happen and things should be done to prevent it.

I was bullied through most of elementary school and part of high school. I came close to snapping several times. I told my parents, teachers and even the police once. It only stopped it for a few days each time. Those kids were lucky I was able to calm down.

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

When I was about 13 I was being picked on by a kid (who I had once considered my friend) who was bigger, older and tougher than I was (I was a shrimp) on the school bus and when I got off the bus that night I had a gnawing feeling that this wasn't finished and I might need some help, so I got my brother aged about 9 just to hang out at the bus stop the following afternoon(this was out in the boondocks) until my bus arrived. Well sure as Hell the bully followed me off the bus and I'm running down the road for home like a bat out of hell when all of a sudden little brother jumps out of the bush with an insulater that had fallen off a pole (probably a pound or more) and heaved it at my pursuer- well it missed him and hit me right in the jaw. One good thing came out of it, the bully didn't have the heart to beat the sh*t out of me after that. In those days there was some decency in most kids.

Now that's a great story!

 

[JLM]

There are a lot of things which were once normal and now considered criminal. Times change. If you push someone to suicide you are committing a crime. Also, suicide isnt the only response kids have to being bullied. Remember Columbine? Suicide and murder are the extremes, but they do happen and things should be done to prevent it.

I was bullied through most of elementary school and part of high school. I came close to snapping several times. I told my parents, teachers and even the police once. It only stopped it for a few days each time. Those kids were lucky I was able to calm down.

I hear you, I was also bullied, my mouth was probably a little bigger than my stature, but I was able to compensate for it by learning how to fight, sometimes a quick sudden pop on the nose can settle things down. It should definitely be against school rules which are strictly enforced. :smile:

 

[WLDB]

I hear you, I was also bullied, my mouth was probably a little bigger than my stature, but I was able to compensate for it by learning how to fight, sometimes a quick sudden pop on the nose can settle things down. It should definitely be against school rules which are strictly enforced. :smile:

Some school rules are incredibly stupid. I was suspended once for defending myself. Three kids jumped me and I managed to get a few punches and for that I was sent home.

 

[EagleSmack]

There are a lot of things which were once normal and now considered criminal. Times change. If you push someone to suicide you are committing a crime. Also, suicide isnt the only response kids have to being bullied. Remember Columbine? Suicide and murder are the extremes, but they do happen and things should be done to prevent it.

The two kids from Columbine were not in the "in" crowd and they bullied and were bullied themselves. They, from their own words, bragged about picking on Freshmen and "fags". It is clear that they didn't get along and didn't fit in so to speak but according to accounts (including their own diaries) they did enough bullying themselves. The day they killed, they killed almost indescriminately. Boys, girls, jocks, non jocks, black and white kids.

http://extras.denverpost.com/news/col1003a.htm

The article above is pretty interesting.

An exerpt...

The Trench Coat Mafia "was a group of kids who harassed kids. They'd go down the halls harassing kids, making racial slurs, not just racial slurs, harassing people they didn't like," Shoels told the commission.

I was bullied through most of elementary school and part of high school. I came close to snapping several times. I told my parents, teachers and even the police once. It only stopped it for a few days each time. Those kids were lucky I was able to calm down.

I am glad you didn't snap and I am sorry you had to go through that. I am glad you calmed down too.