It's Sodom and Begorrah at the inaugural Father Ted festival
By Tom Peterkin on Inis Mor
26/02/2007
The inaugural "TedFest", a festival in honour of Channel 4 comedy show Father Ted, was held on Inis Mor, the island shown on the map in County Galway. Father Ted is one of the most successful British comedies of all time.
There can be few stranger religious experiences than the pilgrimage to Craggy Island to pay homage to the unholy trinity of Fr Ted Crilly, Fr Jack Hackett and Fr Dougal McGuire.
Two fans in costume at the Friends of Father Ted Festival
Up to one thousand fans of one of Channel 4's most popular shows ever dressed as priests, bishops and nuns to come to the edge of Europe for the Friends of Father Ted Festival. The event had little to do with prayer and quiet contemplation.
The inaugural TedFest on the Aran islands mixed a surreal sporting occasion with temptations that would undoubtedly provide some interesting material at confession.
"If I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be struggling with my priestly vow of celibacy," admitted "Bishop" Bob Roach, 33, who had travelled from Manchester to Inis Mor, the largest of the three windswept outcrops off Co Galway.
His torment was caused by a glimpse of fishnet stocking beneath the habit of a dishy nun gyrating to Burning Love, belted out by an Elvis impersonator.
"Bob's going through a great deal of personal anguish about his commitment to the cloth," confided his friend, the priestly-clad John Hewitt, 37, from Conwy, North Wales. "And I'm supposed to have given up drinking for Lent," he added, slurping another pint of Guinness.
Sinful thoughts resurfaced moments later when the contestants in the Inis Mor Lovely Girls Contest lined-up for a contest which drew inspiration from the episode of the comedy in which Father Ted was roped in as a judge to a similar competition.
The delectable Cara attempted to win over a crowd of baying priests by offering them a touch of her "lovely bottom". The heavily pregnant Fiona wanted to thank Bishop Brennan, Father Ted's boss and nemesis, for "helping me make this" pointing to her stomach.
The clear winner, however, was the delightful Agnes, who seduced the crowd by displaying "her lovely pair of knees".
More serious-minded Father Ted devotees could take part in the Toilet Duck Comedy Awards, Midnight Crazy Golf, Hide-a-Nun-and-Seek, a cleaning fluids drinks reception and Buckeroo Speed Dating.
The 1,200 locals from the Aran Islands were well prepared for the invasion, organised to coincide with the ninth anniversary of the untimely death of Dermot Morgan, the comedian who played Father Ted.
On an island that does not normally wake up until after St Patrick's Day, shops and guesthouses were opened early.
Successful conversions are always heartily welcomed by the clergy. But few can have been greeted as enthusiastically as those kicked by the fly-half Ronan O'Gara during Ireland's victory over England. Pandemonium broke out in the Aran Islands Hotel, as fake priests and nuns celebrated a famous Croke Park victory.
But TedFest's main sporting event was yesterday's five-a-side football match to settle an inter-island dispute over Craggy Island's true location.
The decision by organiser Peter Phillips to hold the event on Inis Mor did not go down well with its neighbour, the smaller Inis Oirr. Inis Oirr islanders insisted that they ought to be hosts as the shipwreck in the show's opening sequence lies off their coast.
As dozens of Mrs Doyles shrieked "Go on Inis Mor, go on, go on, go on, go on," men from the islands battled it out.
Eventually, Inis Mor, managed by the former Irish international Tony Cascarino, won two nil against their smaller rivals managed by another international John Aldridge.
Yet doubts remained over Father Ted's true spiritual home. It can be argued that Craggy Island is, in fact, on the mainland. Scenes of the parochial house were shot at Glenquin, near Kilnaboy in Co Clare.
One solution would be to refer the row elsewhere. As Fr Dougal might say: "That would be an ecumenical matter, Ted."
telegraph.co.uk
**************************************************
FATHER TED QUOTES
[Dougal is holding the front panel of a TV up to his face]
Father Jack Hackett: What's that gob****e doing on the television?
-----------------------------------
[Ted answers the phone]
Bishop Brennan: Crilly, It's me.
Father Ted: Oh ****!
Bishop Brennan: What?
Father Ted: [in French accent] Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.
[Ted hangs up]
Father Ted: God almighty! I just said "****" to Bishop Brennan!
Father Dougal: Oho! He won't like that!
Father Ted: It might be alright though. I disguised my voice so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.
[phone rings, Ted picks it up]
Father Ted: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there.
---------------------------
Father Dougal: Hello Len.
Bishop Brennan: Don't call me Len, you little prick. I'm a bishop!
Father Dougal: Oh right. Well done.
---------------------------
Father Ted: No, no, no, no. Father Nolan was in the gas explosion. It punched a hole in his chest the size of a football. When they found him afterwards, they were only able to identify him by his dental records.
Father Dougal: Poor Father Nolan!
Father Ted: Yes, he's very low at the moment.
----------------------
Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.
Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!
Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!
[holds up a cupcake]
Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
Father Ted: WHAT?
Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.
---------------------
Father Ted: [in the department store] Where did you manage to stick Jack in the end?
Father Dougal: Ah, they've got this great place, Ted, where you can put people who don't want to go shopping. They can just stay there and have a laugh.
Father Ted: Really? Never heard of that. Were there other people there?
Father Dougal: Ah, loads of people, Ted. He'll be fine.
[cut to Jack, in the creche, smoking a cigarette and surrounded by children playing]
------------------------
Mrs Doyle: I never thought we'd have anyone like her staying here.
Father Ted: Hm? Oh, Miss Clarke, yes, it's very exciting isn't it? Famous novelist, here.
Mrs Doyle: You've never read any of her books, have you, father?
Father Ted: Actually, I'm a bit of a fan. That's where I was the other day - at her book signing.
Mrs Doyle: Well, I'm very surprised to hear that, father. I didn't think you'd like that sort of thing. I read a bit of one of them once. God, I couldn't finish it. The language, unbelievable!
Father Ted: It's a bit gritty, but that's the modern world, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: Ah, it's a bit much for me, father. "****" this and "****" that.
Father Ted: [uncomfortable] Yes, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: "You big bastard". Oh, dreadful language! "You big hairy arse", "You big ****er". Fierce stuff! And of course, the f-word, father, the bad f-word, worse than "****" - you know the one I mean.
Father Ted: [becoming exasperated] Yes, I do, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: "Eff you". "Eff your 'effin' wife". Oh, I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this 'effin' pitchfork up your hole", oh, that was another one, oh, yes!
Father Ted: I see what you mean, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: "Bastard" this and "bastard" that, you can't move for the bastards in her novels! It's wall-to-wall bastards!
Father Ted: Is it, Mrs. Doyle?
[taking her arm and steering her out of the room]
Father Ted: Anyway...
Mrs Doyle: "You bastard!" You ****er!" "You bollocks!" "Get your bollocks out of my face!" It was terrible.
Father Ted: [finally gets her through the door and closes it] Yes, you go and prepare for the nuns.
Mrs Doyle: [from the next room] "Ride me sideways" was another one!
By Tom Peterkin on Inis Mor
26/02/2007
The inaugural "TedFest", a festival in honour of Channel 4 comedy show Father Ted, was held on Inis Mor, the island shown on the map in County Galway. Father Ted is one of the most successful British comedies of all time.
There can be few stranger religious experiences than the pilgrimage to Craggy Island to pay homage to the unholy trinity of Fr Ted Crilly, Fr Jack Hackett and Fr Dougal McGuire.
Two fans in costume at the Friends of Father Ted Festival
Up to one thousand fans of one of Channel 4's most popular shows ever dressed as priests, bishops and nuns to come to the edge of Europe for the Friends of Father Ted Festival. The event had little to do with prayer and quiet contemplation.
The inaugural TedFest on the Aran islands mixed a surreal sporting occasion with temptations that would undoubtedly provide some interesting material at confession.
"If I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be struggling with my priestly vow of celibacy," admitted "Bishop" Bob Roach, 33, who had travelled from Manchester to Inis Mor, the largest of the three windswept outcrops off Co Galway.
His torment was caused by a glimpse of fishnet stocking beneath the habit of a dishy nun gyrating to Burning Love, belted out by an Elvis impersonator.
"Bob's going through a great deal of personal anguish about his commitment to the cloth," confided his friend, the priestly-clad John Hewitt, 37, from Conwy, North Wales. "And I'm supposed to have given up drinking for Lent," he added, slurping another pint of Guinness.
Sinful thoughts resurfaced moments later when the contestants in the Inis Mor Lovely Girls Contest lined-up for a contest which drew inspiration from the episode of the comedy in which Father Ted was roped in as a judge to a similar competition.
The delectable Cara attempted to win over a crowd of baying priests by offering them a touch of her "lovely bottom". The heavily pregnant Fiona wanted to thank Bishop Brennan, Father Ted's boss and nemesis, for "helping me make this" pointing to her stomach.
The clear winner, however, was the delightful Agnes, who seduced the crowd by displaying "her lovely pair of knees".
More serious-minded Father Ted devotees could take part in the Toilet Duck Comedy Awards, Midnight Crazy Golf, Hide-a-Nun-and-Seek, a cleaning fluids drinks reception and Buckeroo Speed Dating.
The 1,200 locals from the Aran Islands were well prepared for the invasion, organised to coincide with the ninth anniversary of the untimely death of Dermot Morgan, the comedian who played Father Ted.
On an island that does not normally wake up until after St Patrick's Day, shops and guesthouses were opened early.
Successful conversions are always heartily welcomed by the clergy. But few can have been greeted as enthusiastically as those kicked by the fly-half Ronan O'Gara during Ireland's victory over England. Pandemonium broke out in the Aran Islands Hotel, as fake priests and nuns celebrated a famous Croke Park victory.
But TedFest's main sporting event was yesterday's five-a-side football match to settle an inter-island dispute over Craggy Island's true location.
The decision by organiser Peter Phillips to hold the event on Inis Mor did not go down well with its neighbour, the smaller Inis Oirr. Inis Oirr islanders insisted that they ought to be hosts as the shipwreck in the show's opening sequence lies off their coast.
As dozens of Mrs Doyles shrieked "Go on Inis Mor, go on, go on, go on, go on," men from the islands battled it out.
Eventually, Inis Mor, managed by the former Irish international Tony Cascarino, won two nil against their smaller rivals managed by another international John Aldridge.
Yet doubts remained over Father Ted's true spiritual home. It can be argued that Craggy Island is, in fact, on the mainland. Scenes of the parochial house were shot at Glenquin, near Kilnaboy in Co Clare.
One solution would be to refer the row elsewhere. As Fr Dougal might say: "That would be an ecumenical matter, Ted."
telegraph.co.uk
**************************************************
FATHER TED QUOTES
[Dougal is holding the front panel of a TV up to his face]
Father Jack Hackett: What's that gob****e doing on the television?
-----------------------------------
[Ted answers the phone]
Bishop Brennan: Crilly, It's me.
Father Ted: Oh ****!
Bishop Brennan: What?
Father Ted: [in French accent] Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.
[Ted hangs up]
Father Ted: God almighty! I just said "****" to Bishop Brennan!
Father Dougal: Oho! He won't like that!
Father Ted: It might be alright though. I disguised my voice so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.
[phone rings, Ted picks it up]
Father Ted: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there.
---------------------------
Father Dougal: Hello Len.
Bishop Brennan: Don't call me Len, you little prick. I'm a bishop!
Father Dougal: Oh right. Well done.
---------------------------
Father Ted: No, no, no, no. Father Nolan was in the gas explosion. It punched a hole in his chest the size of a football. When they found him afterwards, they were only able to identify him by his dental records.
Father Dougal: Poor Father Nolan!
Father Ted: Yes, he's very low at the moment.
----------------------
Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.
Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!
Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!
[holds up a cupcake]
Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
Father Ted: WHAT?
Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.
---------------------
Father Ted: [in the department store] Where did you manage to stick Jack in the end?
Father Dougal: Ah, they've got this great place, Ted, where you can put people who don't want to go shopping. They can just stay there and have a laugh.
Father Ted: Really? Never heard of that. Were there other people there?
Father Dougal: Ah, loads of people, Ted. He'll be fine.
[cut to Jack, in the creche, smoking a cigarette and surrounded by children playing]
------------------------
Mrs Doyle: I never thought we'd have anyone like her staying here.
Father Ted: Hm? Oh, Miss Clarke, yes, it's very exciting isn't it? Famous novelist, here.
Mrs Doyle: You've never read any of her books, have you, father?
Father Ted: Actually, I'm a bit of a fan. That's where I was the other day - at her book signing.
Mrs Doyle: Well, I'm very surprised to hear that, father. I didn't think you'd like that sort of thing. I read a bit of one of them once. God, I couldn't finish it. The language, unbelievable!
Father Ted: It's a bit gritty, but that's the modern world, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: Ah, it's a bit much for me, father. "****" this and "****" that.
Father Ted: [uncomfortable] Yes, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: "You big bastard". Oh, dreadful language! "You big hairy arse", "You big ****er". Fierce stuff! And of course, the f-word, father, the bad f-word, worse than "****" - you know the one I mean.
Father Ted: [becoming exasperated] Yes, I do, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: "Eff you". "Eff your 'effin' wife". Oh, I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this 'effin' pitchfork up your hole", oh, that was another one, oh, yes!
Father Ted: I see what you mean, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: "Bastard" this and "bastard" that, you can't move for the bastards in her novels! It's wall-to-wall bastards!
Father Ted: Is it, Mrs. Doyle?
[taking her arm and steering her out of the room]
Father Ted: Anyway...
Mrs Doyle: "You bastard!" You ****er!" "You bollocks!" "Get your bollocks out of my face!" It was terrible.
Father Ted: [finally gets her through the door and closes it] Yes, you go and prepare for the nuns.
Mrs Doyle: [from the next room] "Ride me sideways" was another one!
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