In the wake of Labour leader Ed Miliband's ridiculous tombstone stunt, in which Labour's main policies were engraved on a huge block of stone (including, rather laughably considering their record between 1997 and 2010, a "strong economic foundation"), the Daily Mail's Richard Littlejohn said he would rather trust Jimmy Savile to babysit his children than trust Labour.
However, Littlejohn predicts that the Tories will stay in power.
Trust Labour? I'd rather trust Jimmy Savile to babysit, writes RICHARD LITTLEJOHN
By Richard Littlejohn for the Daily Mail
5 May 2015
Daily Mail
By Friday night, we could find ourselves being governed by a socialist Prime Minister who lost the General Election, propped up by a gang of Stalinist separatists who have secured only four per cent of the total UK vote
That was worth the wait, wasn't it? Someone at Labour HQ must have heard I was entering the election fray this week and decided to give me something to write about.
Miliband's tombstone is the funniest bit of masonry since the mini-Stonehenge in the spoof rock documentary Spinal Tap.
You couldn't make it up.
When even the front page of the Guardian accuses him of raising the stupidity bar, the prospect of this extra-terrestrial Marxoid geek as our next Prime Minister becomes ever more alarming.
E.D., phone home!
Can you imagine the brainstorming session which came up with the idea of commissioning an 8ft 6in high slab of stone, engraved with half a dozen vacuous slogans?
They never disappoint us, do they? This was right up there with Kinnock falling in the sea at Brighton in 1983, Two Jags punching a voter on the campaign trail in 2001 and Gordon Brown slagging off a woman in Rochdale as a bigot in 2010.
Miliband's tombstone is the funniest bit of masonry since the mini-Stonehenge in the spoof rock documentary Spinal Tap
Miliband would bankrupt Britain, borrowing more, taxing more, spending more and reversing the popular reforms to welfare benefits
Absurdity
And speaking of Two Jags, a commemorative plaque is being erected at the very spot in Rhyl, North Wales, where our then Deputy Prime Minister took a swing at a protester who threw an egg at him.
The then Deputy Prime Minister John "Two Jags" Prescott famously punches a protester who egged him during the 2001 General Election campaign:
You couldn't make that up, either. In the annals of human conflict, it was hardly the Battle of Bosworth Field.
Welcome to Fantasy Island. It's increasingly difficult to discern what's a joke and what isn't.
This whole election campaign has had a surreal feel to it, conducted in a hermetically sealed bubble with only a passing nod to the paying public. It would be hilarious if the consequences weren't so serious.
So it's time to stop giggling and concentrate not on the hubristic absurdity of Miliband's Moses monument, but on the pledges chiselled into it. They appear to have been written by a semi-literate sixth-former, with no grasp of either history or reality.
A strong economic foundation.
This from a party which beggared Britain by spending like a drunken sailor with a stolen platinum credit card.
Higher living standards for working families.
Wages were suppressed as a direct result of Labour's cynical decision to import millions of low-paid workers from overseas.
An NHS with time to care.
The Tories do have a decent record to defend, especially on the economy, and should be given the chance to finish the job
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Labour hosed down the health service with money, while scrapping evening and weekend GP services and failing to take into account the crippling pressures created on hospitals and doctors' surgeries by unlimited immigration.
They also brought you the Mid Staffs scandal, which caused the deaths of 1,200 patients.
Controls on immigration.
Don't make me laugh. After Labour deliberately abandoned border controls, the population rose by 3.5 million.
A country where the next generation can do better than the last.
Under Labour, the gap between rich and poor rose more sharply than ever, social mobility collapsed and for the first time a generation faced the prospect of being worse off than their parents.
Homes to buy and action on rents.
More meaningless drivel. If property is unaffordable, the blame can be laid squarely at the feet of the last Labour government. The supply of homes couldn't possibly keep up with the demand created in such a short period of time by mass immigration.
Trust Labour with the economy and the NHS? I'd rather have trusted Jimmy Savile to babysit.
Trust Labour with the economy and the NHS? I'd rather have trusted Jimmy Savile to babysit
And that's before we even get to the SNP terror. Following Labour's suicidal implosion in Scotland, we are on the brink of an undemocratic constitutional outrage.
By Friday night, we could find ourselves being governed by a socialist Prime Minister who lost the General Election, propped up by a gang of Stalinist separatists who have secured only four per cent of the total UK vote. When Miliband says he won't do any kind of deal with the Nats, he's lying.
If that happens, then thanks to Call Me Dave's ill-conceived Fixed Term Parliaments Act we could be lumbered with a five-year extreme Left-wing marriage of convenience which would lay waste to the economy and crush what remains of our civil liberties.
I still for the life of me can't understand what Nicola Sturgeon was doing centre stage in the televised leaders' debate, given that she isn't even standing in this election and her party isn't fielding any candidates outside Scotland.
Much as I believe in the Union, if the SNP sweep the board this week we should consider it conclusive evidence that the Scottish people are now in favour of independence and wave them a fond, if reluctant, farewell.
Missing you already.
Which is, of course, what Sturgeon wants, despite her recent protestations that her only desire is to lock the Tories out of office and end 'austerity'.
I'll tell you what this Angela Merkel wannabe really, really wants. And that's for David Cameron to stay in Downing Street, holed beneath the waterline. Then she can realise her dream of turning Scotland into a cross between basket-case Greece and East Germany before the fall of communism.
Like it or not, we now live in a fragmented political universe, magnified by a ravenous 24-hour news cycle. Everybody's in showbiz, everyone's a star.
When even the front page of the Guardian accuses him of raising the stupidity bar, the prospect of this extra-terrestrial Marxoid geek as our next Prime Minister becomes ever more alarming
Duplicitous
Yesterday, I heard that dopey bird from the Welsh nationalists on the wireless telling us how she was going to help choose our next Prime Minister, even though her own party is fourth in the polls — in Wales. They might just as well have asked Shirley Bassey who she was going to put into Number 10.
As for the duplicitous Lib Dems, despite staying the course in the Coalition, they are pretending they've been in opposition for the past five years and have reverted to ridiculous scaremongering about 'secret Tory cuts'. With any luck, Vince Cable will meet his Portillo-style comeuppance on Thursday night.
Which brings us to Ukip. If I lived in Thanet, I'd vote for Nigel Farage. Westminster would be a better place with him causing trouble on the green benches.
He's taken dog's abuse from all sides, particularly from the BBC, but his ceaseless battle to give us a vote on Europe has been heroic.
Cameron wouldn't be promising a referendum without him.
And if I lived in one of Labour's rotten boroughs in the North, I'd also vote Ukip. Just as in Scotland, the self-selecting metropolitan elite which runs Labour has taken its traditional supporters for granted for far too long.
Then again, Cameron seems to have gone out of his way to alienate traditional Tories, which is why so many of them have been flocking to Ukip.
The Conservative campaign has been a shambles, with new policies apparently being made up on the hoof
Shambles
Yesterday, I heard that dopey bird from the Welsh nationalists telling us how she was going to help choose our next Prime Minister, even though her own party is fourth in the polls - in Wales. They might just as well have asked Shirley Bassey who she was going to put into Number 10
The Conservative campaign has been a shambles, with new policies apparently being made up on the hoof. But the Tories do have a decent record to defend, especially on the economy, and should be given the chance to finish the job.
Whether that happens depends on how many Ukippers 'come home' in Cameron's words. When push comes to shove in the privacy of the polling booth, the spectre of Miliband and the appalling Ed Balls in Downing Street should be enough to sway waverers into the Conservative column, however unenthusiastically.
The horrible alternative is a Labour government in thrall not just to the Scot Nats but to Miliband's hardline union paymaster Len McCluskey and his Unite boot boys, who can give the SNP's street thugs a run for their money.
Miliband would bankrupt Britain, borrowing more, taxing more, spending more and reversing the popular reforms to welfare benefits.
He'd take us back to the socialist, statist Seventies.
Which is why I believe that on Thursday millions who have yet to make up their minds will hold their noses and vote Tory.
Just don't set my prediction in stone.
However, Littlejohn predicts that the Tories will stay in power.
Trust Labour? I'd rather trust Jimmy Savile to babysit, writes RICHARD LITTLEJOHN
By Richard Littlejohn for the Daily Mail
5 May 2015
Daily Mail
By Friday night, we could find ourselves being governed by a socialist Prime Minister who lost the General Election, propped up by a gang of Stalinist separatists who have secured only four per cent of the total UK vote
That was worth the wait, wasn't it? Someone at Labour HQ must have heard I was entering the election fray this week and decided to give me something to write about.
Miliband's tombstone is the funniest bit of masonry since the mini-Stonehenge in the spoof rock documentary Spinal Tap.
You couldn't make it up.
When even the front page of the Guardian accuses him of raising the stupidity bar, the prospect of this extra-terrestrial Marxoid geek as our next Prime Minister becomes ever more alarming.
E.D., phone home!
Can you imagine the brainstorming session which came up with the idea of commissioning an 8ft 6in high slab of stone, engraved with half a dozen vacuous slogans?
They never disappoint us, do they? This was right up there with Kinnock falling in the sea at Brighton in 1983, Two Jags punching a voter on the campaign trail in 2001 and Gordon Brown slagging off a woman in Rochdale as a bigot in 2010.
Miliband's tombstone is the funniest bit of masonry since the mini-Stonehenge in the spoof rock documentary Spinal Tap
Miliband would bankrupt Britain, borrowing more, taxing more, spending more and reversing the popular reforms to welfare benefits
Absurdity
And speaking of Two Jags, a commemorative plaque is being erected at the very spot in Rhyl, North Wales, where our then Deputy Prime Minister took a swing at a protester who threw an egg at him.
The then Deputy Prime Minister John "Two Jags" Prescott famously punches a protester who egged him during the 2001 General Election campaign:
You couldn't make that up, either. In the annals of human conflict, it was hardly the Battle of Bosworth Field.
Welcome to Fantasy Island. It's increasingly difficult to discern what's a joke and what isn't.
This whole election campaign has had a surreal feel to it, conducted in a hermetically sealed bubble with only a passing nod to the paying public. It would be hilarious if the consequences weren't so serious.
So it's time to stop giggling and concentrate not on the hubristic absurdity of Miliband's Moses monument, but on the pledges chiselled into it. They appear to have been written by a semi-literate sixth-former, with no grasp of either history or reality.
A strong economic foundation.
This from a party which beggared Britain by spending like a drunken sailor with a stolen platinum credit card.
Higher living standards for working families.
Wages were suppressed as a direct result of Labour's cynical decision to import millions of low-paid workers from overseas.
An NHS with time to care.
The Tories do have a decent record to defend, especially on the economy, and should be given the chance to finish the job
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Labour hosed down the health service with money, while scrapping evening and weekend GP services and failing to take into account the crippling pressures created on hospitals and doctors' surgeries by unlimited immigration.
They also brought you the Mid Staffs scandal, which caused the deaths of 1,200 patients.
Controls on immigration.
Don't make me laugh. After Labour deliberately abandoned border controls, the population rose by 3.5 million.
A country where the next generation can do better than the last.
Under Labour, the gap between rich and poor rose more sharply than ever, social mobility collapsed and for the first time a generation faced the prospect of being worse off than their parents.
Homes to buy and action on rents.
More meaningless drivel. If property is unaffordable, the blame can be laid squarely at the feet of the last Labour government. The supply of homes couldn't possibly keep up with the demand created in such a short period of time by mass immigration.
Trust Labour with the economy and the NHS? I'd rather have trusted Jimmy Savile to babysit.
Trust Labour with the economy and the NHS? I'd rather have trusted Jimmy Savile to babysit
And that's before we even get to the SNP terror. Following Labour's suicidal implosion in Scotland, we are on the brink of an undemocratic constitutional outrage.
By Friday night, we could find ourselves being governed by a socialist Prime Minister who lost the General Election, propped up by a gang of Stalinist separatists who have secured only four per cent of the total UK vote. When Miliband says he won't do any kind of deal with the Nats, he's lying.
If that happens, then thanks to Call Me Dave's ill-conceived Fixed Term Parliaments Act we could be lumbered with a five-year extreme Left-wing marriage of convenience which would lay waste to the economy and crush what remains of our civil liberties.
I still for the life of me can't understand what Nicola Sturgeon was doing centre stage in the televised leaders' debate, given that she isn't even standing in this election and her party isn't fielding any candidates outside Scotland.
Much as I believe in the Union, if the SNP sweep the board this week we should consider it conclusive evidence that the Scottish people are now in favour of independence and wave them a fond, if reluctant, farewell.
Missing you already.
Which is, of course, what Sturgeon wants, despite her recent protestations that her only desire is to lock the Tories out of office and end 'austerity'.
I'll tell you what this Angela Merkel wannabe really, really wants. And that's for David Cameron to stay in Downing Street, holed beneath the waterline. Then she can realise her dream of turning Scotland into a cross between basket-case Greece and East Germany before the fall of communism.
Like it or not, we now live in a fragmented political universe, magnified by a ravenous 24-hour news cycle. Everybody's in showbiz, everyone's a star.
When even the front page of the Guardian accuses him of raising the stupidity bar, the prospect of this extra-terrestrial Marxoid geek as our next Prime Minister becomes ever more alarming
Duplicitous
Yesterday, I heard that dopey bird from the Welsh nationalists on the wireless telling us how she was going to help choose our next Prime Minister, even though her own party is fourth in the polls — in Wales. They might just as well have asked Shirley Bassey who she was going to put into Number 10.
As for the duplicitous Lib Dems, despite staying the course in the Coalition, they are pretending they've been in opposition for the past five years and have reverted to ridiculous scaremongering about 'secret Tory cuts'. With any luck, Vince Cable will meet his Portillo-style comeuppance on Thursday night.
Which brings us to Ukip. If I lived in Thanet, I'd vote for Nigel Farage. Westminster would be a better place with him causing trouble on the green benches.
He's taken dog's abuse from all sides, particularly from the BBC, but his ceaseless battle to give us a vote on Europe has been heroic.
Cameron wouldn't be promising a referendum without him.
And if I lived in one of Labour's rotten boroughs in the North, I'd also vote Ukip. Just as in Scotland, the self-selecting metropolitan elite which runs Labour has taken its traditional supporters for granted for far too long.
Then again, Cameron seems to have gone out of his way to alienate traditional Tories, which is why so many of them have been flocking to Ukip.
The Conservative campaign has been a shambles, with new policies apparently being made up on the hoof
Shambles
Yesterday, I heard that dopey bird from the Welsh nationalists telling us how she was going to help choose our next Prime Minister, even though her own party is fourth in the polls - in Wales. They might just as well have asked Shirley Bassey who she was going to put into Number 10
The Conservative campaign has been a shambles, with new policies apparently being made up on the hoof. But the Tories do have a decent record to defend, especially on the economy, and should be given the chance to finish the job.
Whether that happens depends on how many Ukippers 'come home' in Cameron's words. When push comes to shove in the privacy of the polling booth, the spectre of Miliband and the appalling Ed Balls in Downing Street should be enough to sway waverers into the Conservative column, however unenthusiastically.
The horrible alternative is a Labour government in thrall not just to the Scot Nats but to Miliband's hardline union paymaster Len McCluskey and his Unite boot boys, who can give the SNP's street thugs a run for their money.
Miliband would bankrupt Britain, borrowing more, taxing more, spending more and reversing the popular reforms to welfare benefits.
He'd take us back to the socialist, statist Seventies.
Which is why I believe that on Thursday millions who have yet to make up their minds will hold their noses and vote Tory.
Just don't set my prediction in stone.
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