Quote: Originally Posted by Chiliagon
i am trying to read it! i am not a grade A reader here. I lose track.
basically, my lingering feelings for this girl are getting in the way.. I know that the future is not going to be with her yet I'm struggling at letting go of the rope that i am tied to.
self confidence has always been an issue with me.
Indeed..... how do you know your future will not involve her?
Are you basing this on flaws and faults in her personality that you can not see yourself living the rest of your life with?
Or are you just saying your future won't be with this person simply because you don't think the interest is equal between you two?
In a nut shell:
You don't believe your future has her in it because you don't want it to, she doesn't want it to or you both already agreed that you both don't want it to?
If you came to the final conclusion that you couldn't deal with her crap for the rest of your life in a serious relationship viewpoint...... then why get all hung up with her possibly wanting to spend time with some other guy? You don't want a relationship with her, thus what she and this other guys does is irrelevant.
When you're not with her, for all you, I and everybody else knows, she could be playing with his monkey in her bedroom, doing all kinds of nasty and sticky things together, screaming their lungs out and then spending 20 minutes afterwards cleaning up the mess they made..... then doing it all over again...... or with some other guy...... or multiple guys at once....... maybe some girls too while we're at it.
^ Does that bother you?
If it does, then you have a problem you need to address and if the only way to address this problem is to cut her from your life, then so be it, but you can not tail around her for another 5-10 years getting upset every time she talks to some other guy, or heaven forbid, marries someone other then you...... before you know it, you'll be insisting to her your approval of the men she dates or is planning to marry as if she's 14 and you're her father. Eventually if you don't break this habit, she'll break it for you.
Simply put, if you don't want a relationship with this person and yet you can not separate yourself from friendship and relationship with this person, then you're better off saving yourself and her the trouble and either take a break from seeing her, or cut her from your life altogether.
Besides, how do you expect yourself to move on and find someone else for yourself to spend time with, to evolve, to grow into the person you want to be, if you're continually throwing yourself backwards to a relationship that either no longer exists, or never existed in the first place?
You sound as though you subconsciously throw yourself into this punishment because in your own way, it's at least something. Sure it's something.... but that doesn't mean there isn't much more out there.
How do you expect to gain any confidence and self esteem by spinning your wheels over the same problem? You also sound like you may not want to be the bad guy and do what's right for you because you don't want to hurt other people's feelings and would rather inflict the pain and suffering onto yourself, because after all, that's what's always expected of you, am I right?