respect elders or not?

critter171

Hey all from the USA
Feb 24, 2010
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Usa, New hampshire
Ok the saying goes "respect your older elders.

I have a problem with this saying. Why should i give someone respect for free when you are suppose to earn it? why does it matter on your age? what have you done?

I am not saying i don't respect elders, i just want them to show respect first before i give them respect. i am also told to that you earn respect you don't get it.

so why should it be any different?
 

talloola

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 14, 2006
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Vancouver Island
in most cases, the elders have lived life much longer than you, know much more, and should
be looked up to for those qualities, and a much younger person need not come along and begin
shooting their mouth off as though they are higher on the pecking order, they should be aware
of the age difference and the 'level' difference and respect that, that respect has been earned.
It doesn't have to be earned from you, but from their respectable status in life, assuming they
have gained that thru the years.

notice I said, 'in most cases', and in those cases I agree with the 'respect your elders' thought.

but not in all cases.
 

critter171

Hey all from the USA
Feb 24, 2010
318
2
18
37
Usa, New hampshire
in most cases, the elders have lived life much longer than you, know much more, and should
be looked up to for those qualities, and a much younger person need not come along and begin
shooting their mouth off as though they are higher on the pecking order, they should be aware
of the age difference and the 'level' difference and respect that, that respect has been earned.
It doesn't have to be earned from you, but from their respectible status in life, assuming they
have gained that thru the years.

notice I said, 'in most cases', and in those cases I agree with the 'respect your elders' thought.

but not in all cases.

i can see what your saying but that does not mean anything to me on how old you or if you a wiser. anyone can be wiser easily. thanks for replaying though.
 

Bar Sinister

Executive Branch Member
Jan 17, 2010
8,252
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Edmonton
Now that I am an elder I have a tendency to agree with the old saying to a certain extent. That does not mean I expect those younger than me to bow down when I pass, however, I certainly do not think I should be regarded with contempt due to my age either.

So far as earning respect that is a bit of a dead end in today's society. It would be impossible for the average citizen to learn enough about his elders to learn to respect them. All he can be expected to do is respect those he knows such as older relatives or perhaps coworkers and employers.

I remember an incident when I was in my late twenties when a person I had met through a friend came up to me and told me" "You're pretty cool for an old guy."

I was flattered considering that the speaker was in his early twenties.
 

talloola

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 14, 2006
19,576
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Vancouver Island
i can see what your saying but that does not mean anything to me on how old you or if you a wiser. anyone can be wiser easily. thanks for replaying though.

my main point was, 'did the person gain respect from many, thru his years of getting older and wiser', that
to me, makes the big difference, hence, he/she should be respected by younger people
automatically, because he/she is a 'respected person'.
 

Bcool

Dilettante
Aug 5, 2010
383
2
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Vancouver Island B.C.
i can see what your saying but that does not mean anything to me on how old you or if you a wiser. anyone can be wiser easily. thanks for replaying though.
We live on a First Nations Reserve, we are not Canadian Native, but my husband and I are still called and treated as Elders by the people here, especially the young adults, teens and children. It's a very old tradition amongst First Nations people, as it is in many countries that still preserve their traditional ways. It's very pleasant to be treated this way and we're honoured that they do so.

Some youngsters explained to us that Elders are not expected to "earn" respect, it is given to those old enough to be Elders. But an Elder who is not a good person and behaves badly towards others is still treated with politeness (unless its bad enough that the Band has to intervene) but does not get respect. Hard to explain, but there is a noticeable difference.

Very different off the Reserve, but on the whole young people are usually polite as I am to them. You said you want Elders to show you respect first before you'll respect them. Doesn't work that way. As has been said, you first respect someone who's made their way, a long way, through life - that's a tough battle as you'll find out. :smile: If you find they are not worthy of that respect - rude, violent, bad tempered, no respect to you, etc., then cool politeness and avoidance is all that's needed, not respect.

Good question. :smile:
 

wulfie68

Council Member
Mar 29, 2009
2,014
24
38
Calgary, AB
My outlook is pretty similar to Talloola's but I temper it down to mean:

a) be polite to older people you know nothing about, even in the most mundane things like holding a door for them, letting them have the right of way in the grocery store, etc.

b) until they prove themselves an idiot, rude or otherwise unworthy of that respect, give them the benefit of the doubt.
 

talloola

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 14, 2006
19,576
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Vancouver Island
My outlook is pretty similar to Talloola's but I temper it down to mean:

a) be polite to older people you know nothing about, even in the most mundane things like holding a door for them, letting them have the right of way in the grocery store, etc.

b) until they prove themselves an idiot, rude or otherwise unworthy of that respect, give them the benefit of the doubt.

yes, those gestures of respect show that our human race has some class, and we take notice of each
other in a way that is affectionate, sweet and thoughtful, and we see the person who is older as
someone worthy of our help and consideration.
 

JLM

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 27, 2008
75,301
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113
Vernon, B.C.
Ok the saying goes "respect your older elders.

I have a problem with this saying. Why should i give someone respect for free when you are suppose to earn it? why does it matter on your age? what have you done?

I am not saying i don't respect elders, i just want them to show respect first before i give them respect. i am also told to that you earn respect you don't get it.

so why should it be any different?

I think a good policy is to respect everyone to start out with and let them opt out of it through rudeness or bad behaviour. For myself my elders mainly came through a depression and a war that I didn't have to contend with. I think the policy in this regard we grew up with is a lot better than some of what I see today.
 

Ariadne

Council Member
Aug 7, 2006
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I was taught to respect elders, and for a very long time I did. However, when I came to be a young adult ... I discovered that some elders were slobbering drunks, liars, thieves, and despicable people. At that point, I decided that age is not enough to justify respect ... creeps that are young eventually become creeps that are old. Bad character is not purified through age, it is made worse.
 

JLM

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 27, 2008
75,301
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Vernon, B.C.
I was taught to respect elders, and for a very long time I did. However, when I came to be a young adult ... I discovered that some elders were slobbering drunks, liars, thieves, and despicable people. At that point, I decided that age is not enough to justify respect ... creeps that are young eventually become creeps that are old. Bad character is not purified through age, it is made worse.

YOu must have heard of people "mellowing" as they age. Speaking from the point of view of an old codger a lot of us do get a little testy at times- too much stuff taken for granted by the younger generation and not a hell of a lot of gratitude. But a lot of that was our fault too, as we spoiled them rotten. :lol::lol:
 
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earth_as_one

Time Out
Jan 5, 2006
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My outlook is pretty similar to Talloola's but I temper it down to mean:

a) be polite to older people you know nothing about, even in the most mundane things like holding a door for them, letting them have the right of way in the grocery store, etc.

b) until they prove themselves an idiot, rude or otherwise unworthy of that respect, give them the benefit of the doubt.

That's how I interpret respecting your elders too.

As people age, they tend to slow down, experience pain and incontinence... and other indignities... I invite my elders go in front of me in a line up, hold the door open for them, smile and basically acknowledge their existence. I've learned a lot over the years from people who fought in wars, survived the depression era, worked in mines under dreadful conditions... Life used to be a lot more difficult. Also when these people die, we loose witnesses to history.
List of surviving veterans of World War I - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Consider it a form of social payback, for the people who fed you and changed your diapers when you were a baby. Hopefully one day you'll grow old too and it'll be your turn to be treated with respect by default.

Societies are judged by the compassion and kindness to the weak and feeble. This toothless skull from an ancient ancestor may prove that compassion and respect for the elderly is an early human characteristic:
Toothless Skull Raises Questions about Compassion among Human Ancestors: Scientific American
 

karrie

OogedyBoogedy
Jan 6, 2007
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... i just want them to show respect first before i give them respect...

Well, you're never going to get it. Every last person ought to show respect to one another until it is shown that it is not warranted. To sit and wait for someone else to give you respect first makes no sense. It would be the start of a very self centred world.

As for the original question, why do elders deserve respect. I do believe that the notion of respecting our elders comes about mainly because of generational gaps in understanding one another. We know that young people will not be able to relate to the elderly. We know that the older they get, the more a person will come to understand what it was that drove Grandma to behave in the ways that befuddled them when they were younger. And we know they would regret having mocked or ignored or mistreated her based on those disparities in understanding. So, lacking an ability to explain that, we simply state that one ought to respect their elders.

It also is a function of caring for physical disparities in ability. The young showing repsect to the elderly often means a tired frail Grandmother gets to rest while the kids do the dishes from dinner, for example. Or an elderly woman gets an arm to hold as she crosses the street.

Respect for our elders is an important part of what makes us caring considerate human beings.
 

Curiosity

Senate Member
Jul 30, 2005
7,326
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California
One of my favorite things about elders ....

If and when an occasion arises when there is time to engage in conversation I love to ask some of the senior population what it was "like" when they were younger... how things have changed in their eyes and how they cope with the speed of society these days.

They have weathered some huge storms in the past say sixty years in terms of settling the "west" if you want to think of North America in terms of positioning on the globe and when they dig back into their memories you
can find treasure - it's like reading a good novel - told by the player - but you need time and patience.

What surprises me the most of regardless of the "grumpy grandpa" syndrome, they have the neatest sense of humor and often enjoy poking fun at themselves too. To miss an opportunity to engage a senior on conversation or simply doing a favor for...is to
skip over valuable time with another person who has a story to share.
 

karrie

OogedyBoogedy
Jan 6, 2007
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lol... Curio, this summer we were out at the cabin, and while my son (9) was bopping around bored, I told him to go talk to 'Grandpa' (57) while he chopped wood. I said 'Go ask him what life was like when he was a kid'. My son looked at me, looked out the window at Dad, and said 'He's too old to have ever been a kid'. LOL. I can't even imagine how much it would mess them up to sit down and talk to MY grandma about life as a kid. She attended a one room school, riding miles on horseback every day, alone, to get there. I don't think they'd even believe it.
 

Curiosity

Senate Member
Jul 30, 2005
7,326
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California
Ha Karrie - exactly!!!

When I was bored by my natal family at our huge gatherings I always gravitated to the elder members who never found me a bore, answered all the goofy questions I must have asked and sat fascinated by the way they lived their lives without all our conveniences we don't give a second thought to....

My Alberta gang used to have Saturday nite dances at a large gathering place (probably the cleanest barn they could find) but it was truly a place where the local boys and girls could find potential mates... it was so important to keep closely knit because if something went wrong, you only had neighbors as the "first responders" .... amazing how close these people were....

I could listen to those stories all the time....many of the people weren't even blood relatives but were so close with our families, it never seemed important who belonged to which name....Some of the stories made movies and television a bit boring when things "always worked out ok"....

Your kids are lucky to have the ongoing "family album" still alive and young enough to spend many years of passing along worthy wisdom....as only the elderly can.
 

JLM

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 27, 2008
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Well, you're never going to get it. Every last person ought to show respect to one another until it is shown that it is not warranted. To sit and wait for someone else to give you respect first makes no sense. It would be the start of a very self centred world.

As for the original question, why do elders deserve respect. I do believe that the notion of respecting our elders comes about mainly because of generational gaps in understanding one another. We know that young people will not be able to relate to the elderly. We know that the older they get, the more a person will come to understand what it was that drove Grandma to behave in the ways that befuddled them when they were younger. And we know they would regret having mocked or ignored or mistreated her based on those disparities in understanding. So, lacking an ability to explain that, we simply state that one ought to respect their elders.

It also is a function of caring for physical disparities in ability. The young showing repsect to the elderly often means a tired frail Grandmother gets to rest while the kids do the dishes from dinner, for example. Or an elderly woman gets an arm to hold as she crosses the street.

Respect for our elders is an important part of what makes us caring considerate human beings.

Right on Karrie. :lol:
 

Praxius

Mass'Debater
Dec 18, 2007
10,609
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Halifax, NS & Melbourne, VIC
Ok the saying goes "respect your older elders.

I have a problem with this saying. Why should i give someone respect for free when you are suppose to earn it? why does it matter on your age? what have you done?

I am not saying i don't respect elders, i just want them to show respect first before i give them respect. i am also told to that you earn respect you don't get it.

so why should it be any different?

I never believed in that saying, as I've come across a number of as*hole, crabby, old farts who were out right disrespectful without any provocation except the excuse that they're old farts and it's their right to be jackasses.

Respect is earned, not given, and for me, this applies to everyone, no matter their age.

That's one thing I can't stand..... when I'm being polite and friendly, but this old coot starts crabbing at me about something, insulting me, basically making me out to be the stupidest c*nt on the planet, so I tell them what I think of them...... then suddenly they're all a'gasp and shocked that I'd even say something like I did, then they come back at me "Didn't your parents tell you to respect your elders?"

I usually reply "Respect is Earned, not Given, and you're not an elder, you're a grumpy old bastard with no friends."

Just because someone is old, that doesn't mean they still can't be p*icks..... nor does that mean I can't treat them as such if they treat me like crap. My generation is running the show now and we're too busy cleaning up after their damn mess, so a bit of appreciation and respect will earn appreciation and respect back.

Added:

Don't get me wrong, I am very respectable to the elderly, will help them if they need it, and I'm quite friendly to anybody I come across..... if a senior wishes to talk or tell me something, I'll listen perfectly fine...... but the moment someone's an asshole, look out. I respect elderly just as I respect anybody else.... everybody is treated equally and on level the moment I see them.... their following actions and attitudes are what determine how I will treat them from then on.
 
Last edited:

JLM

Hall of Fame Member
Nov 27, 2008
75,301
547
113
Vernon, B.C.
I never believed in that saying, as I've come across a number of as*hole, crabby, old farts who were out right disrespectful without any provocation except the excuse that they're old farts and it's their right to be jackasses.

Respect is earned, not given, and for me, this applies to everyone, no matter their age.

That's one thing I can't stand..... when I'm being polite and friendly, but this old coot starts crabbing at me about something, insulting me, basically making me out to be the stupidest c*nt on the planet, so I tell them what I think of them...... then suddenly they're all a'gasp and shocked that I'd even say something like I did, then they come back at me "Didn't your parents tell you to respect your elders?"

I usually reply "Respect is Earned, not Given, and you're not an elder, you're a grumpy old bastard with no friends."

Just because someone is old, that doesn't mean they still can't be p*icks..... nor does that mean I can't treat them as such if they treat me like crap. My generation is running the show now and we're too busy cleaning up after their damn mess, so a bit of appreciation and respect will earn appreciation and respect back.

Added:

Don't get me wrong, I am very respectable to the elderly, will help them if they need it, and I'm quite friendly to anybody I come across..... if a senior wishes to talk or tell me something, I'll listen perfectly fine...... but the moment someone's an asshole, look out.

Sounds like another whining young whipper snapper. You kids have a probation period to complete with us old codgers, so if you shut up and quit your whining for 6 months and do as you're told then you might find we'll start treating you half assed civilly. If you aren't up to the test, don't bitch. :lol:
 
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critter171

Hey all from the USA
Feb 24, 2010
318
2
18
37
Usa, New hampshire
Now that I am an elder I have a tendency to agree with the old saying to a certain extent. That does not mean I expect those younger than me to bow down when I pass, however, I certainly do not think I should be regarded with contempt due to my age either.

So far as earning respect that is a bit of a dead end in today's society. It would be impossible for the average citizen to learn enough about his elders to learn to respect them. All he can be expected to do is respect those he knows such as older relatives or perhaps coworkers and employers.

I remember an incident when I was in my late twenties when a person I had met through a friend came up to me and told me" "You're pretty cool for an old guy."

I was flattered considering that the speaker was in his early twenties.

Nice to see someone who not afraid to admit he an elder i respect your opioion i really am one of the nicest person you ever meet though than i can be ingorant and an asshole if you piss me off.

once in awhile i call and say hi to my grandparent sice i don't very much visit them as i can't stand two hr ride and all the drama there.

Well, you're never going to get it. Every last person ought to show respect to one another until it is shown that it is not warranted. To sit and wait for someone else to give you respect first makes no sense. It would be the start of a very self centred world.

As for the original question, why do elders deserve respect. I do believe that the notion of respecting our elders comes about mainly because of generational gaps in understanding one another. We know that young people will not be able to relate to the elderly. We know that the older they get, the more a person will come to understand what it was that drove Grandma to behave in the ways that befuddled them when they were younger. And we know they would regret having mocked or ignored or mistreated her based on those disparities in understanding. So, lacking an ability to explain that, we simply state that one ought to respect their elders.

It also is a function of caring for physical disparities in ability. The young showing repsect to the elderly often means a tired frail Grandmother gets to rest while the kids do the dishes from dinner, for example. Or an elderly woman gets an arm to hold as she crosses the street.

Respect for our elders is an important part of what makes us caring considerate human beings.

i am going to disagree with what i bold, as i was told by an old timer many old people are rude and ingorant if your going to be like this than there no way your going to get my respect. i got plenty of respect for people who earn it. i can name a few.

a friend who was into spots a Yankee fan and i was a red sox fan he was a nice person i help him move myself. he help pay for some of gas. he guy he would play catch with me he taught me out to catch a ball behind my back. we talk about baseball a lot.

there another one who are family friends and old guy who actually help build the sebaork power plant. and we talk about baseball. i ask how is wife doing and its hard sicne she has arithis and having a hard time and she is so funny.