Hi, I'm a youth jail guard. I want to make sure that you know that if you decide to strangle yourself, in a cry for help, that we'll stand at your cell door, watching, so that we don't have to fill out paperwork.
My friend, he's a Search and Rescue co-ordinator. He tells me that, any time you're lost and in trouble, all you have to do is make a big 'SOS' sign, and they'll be sure to call a couple of motels to see if anything's up.
God forbid, though, that you threaten someone with an office stapler. We'll kill you, for sure.
PS - anybody seen my Canada? It's long gone, and this is what we're left with.