The rough side of parenting

[karrie]

We have an awesome neighborhood. Wonderful really. Lots of kind, friendly neighbors, willing to lend a hand when we need it. One of whom is a 50+ year old single guy who lives across the back alley. Great guy, comes and helps with big things like moving the garden shed.

But, the last while, he's gotten in the habit of buying treats for the kids. Showing up with snowcones on hot days when hubby and I are working in the yard, and today, when they had to go clean up a mess our foster dog made getting loose and ripping open garbages, he passed a bag of gummy bears off to them.

As a result, I have to sit my kids down for a talk about not going anywhere, even with neighbors we know and trust. How do you do that without it sounding like you're suspicious of that particular neighbor? Because I'm not. Just, wary of how naive and trusting my kids are. Need to break them of that. *sigh*

 

[lone wolf]

I'd be wary. The first hair would raise when he didn't ask me if it was okay first. The guy's intentions are likely perfectly friendly. It only takes one moment - even if you trust the person.

 

[karrie]

Thanks for the input wolf. It's not just me then... it's a bit odd, right? I'll give him the benefit and assume he's just being equally naive (what honest man thinks anyone might suspect that of him), but, the kids will still get a talking to about safety, and never going anywhere with any of the neighbors.

 

[lone wolf]

Thanks for the input wolf. It's not just me then... it's a bit odd, right? I'll give him the benefit and assume he's just being equally naive (what honest man thinks anyone might suspect that of him), but, the kids will still get a talking to about safety, and never going anywhere with any of the neighbors.

He's probably a bit naive - maybe a grandfather himself. Remember, if he's around 50, he's from a different era ... just like me. I've had to catch myself - especially when I got The Look from some kid's mother at the WalMart check-out. I was Santa at the local firehall, and the first thing they told me was to ask if was okay before the kid got on my lap. This is likely a different world for him too - but by all means do not let your kids go anywhere with anyone if you don't know every detail of the trip.

 

[talloola]

Do you think it would be OK to talk to 'him', and ask him 'not' to give your kids goodies.
Just like your kids, maybe a tactful chat with him would 'clue' him in, as to the modern
concerns we all have for our kids, (and for him).

My husband is Italian, and the only reason I mention that fact, is that 'they' are very
open to affection and touching, and I have had to mention that to him on more than
one occasion, as he loves kids and talks to them, very easily, and I always feel concerned
that some parent is going to 'be' all over him one of these days.
When I mention it to him, he can't relate to that, and is annoyed to think a person can't
even show that they like 'kids', all kids, but I see that he stops now, and thinks for
a minute, and usually doesn't say anything anymore, to them, kind of sad, but necessary.

 

[Outta here]

Karrie

Tell your kids to say "I have to ask my mom/dad if it's ok first". That should prompt the gentlemen about his own manners - that he should be asking your first, before the kids have to.

 

[karrie]

Karrie

Tell your kids to say "I have to ask my mom/dad if it's ok first". That should prompt the gentlemen about his own manners - that he should be asking your first, before the kids have to.

That's the main gist of the lecture I ended up giving them. Even from the neighbors, they need to ask me first. I spun it to sound like I saw a bad habit forming, and that's why they were getting the talk. I just don't ever want to instill unnecessary fear in my kids over any one person, you know?

 

[karrie]

Do you think it would be OK to talk to 'him', and ask him 'not' to give your kids goodies.
Just like your kids, maybe a tactful chat with him would 'clue' him in, as to the modern
concerns we all have for our kids, (and for him).

My husband is Italian, and the only reason I mention that fact, is that 'they' are very
open to affection and touching, and I have had to mention that to him on more than
one occasion, as he loves kids and talks to them, very easily, and I always feel concerned
that some parent is going to 'be' all over him one of these days.
When I mention it to him, he can't relate to that, and is annoyed to think a person can't
even show that they like 'kids', all kids, but I see that he stops now, and thinks for
a minute, and usually doesn't say anything anymore, to them, kind of sad, but necessary.

I know exactly what you mean talloola. I can remember a friend once talking about having to have a sit down with her father because the neighborhood moms had complained because he would take his lunch to the park to watch the families play and feed his crumbs to the birds. The moms were upset that there was a man sitting around the park watching kids play. Unacceptable to them in this day and age. Sad that we've hit that point.

 

[Outta here]

hmmm - well the fear thing in your kids could be minimized by explaining to them that it's not just a stranger issue, it's a nutritional one - that your neighbor may not know what you've already had for treats that day, that week etc... but you do, so you need to know what's being offered and by whom.

 

[Kreskin]

I find it odd that he's so interested in kids. Maybe he has just never been a father and has that void so it might be very innocent but you don't find many 50 years that are interested in anyone's kids but their own. He would definitely be an exception. I would be cautious at all times but particularly so in this situation.

 

[karrie]

I find it odd that he's so interested in kids. Maybe he has just never been a father and has that void so it might be very innocent but you don't find many 50 years that are interested in anyone's kids but their own. He would definitely be an exception. I would be cautious at all times but particularly so in this situation.

yeah, he has no kids of his own. Chronic bachelor it seems.

 

[shadowshiv]

That's the main gist of the lecture I ended up giving them. Even from the neighbors, they need to ask me first. I spun it to sound like I saw a bad habit forming, and that's why they were getting the talk. I just don't ever want to instill unnecessary fear in my kids over any one person, you know?

Unfortunately, with all of the horror stories that we have read about in the paper, I don't think that you would be instilling unnecessary fear at all. Also, like Zan said, I think that you could always mention that too many sugary treats are being given out and that you would like them to eat healthier from time to time.

If he suddenly gives them apples and oranges instead of candy, I would be a little more wary of his intentions. It is far better to be safe than sorry. Believe me, you can NOT tell if a person is a pedophile just by looking at them.:-(

 

[talloola]

I know exactly what you mean talloola. I can remember a friend once talking about having to have a sit down with her father because the neighborhood moms had complained because he would take his lunch to the park to watch the families play and feed his crumbs to the birds. The moms were upset that there was a man sitting around the park watching kids play. Unacceptable to them in this day and age. Sad that we've hit that point.

Yeah, that is sad, as he probably just wanted to be around other people, and not alone.