Laws Of Cat Physics


Twila
#1

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of “Matter” plus “Anti-Matter” plus “It Doesn't Matter”.
 
Curiosity
#2
Twila - you just made his day!

 
Twila
#3
ack, that cat! too funny!
 
wallyj
#4
Do cats always land on thier feet? Yes,unless you tape a slice of buttered bread onto thier backs.
 
Twila
#5
Wallyj, my cat Tyris fell about a foot and did not land on her feet. She fell on our weight bench. So, proof that cats don't always land on their feet without buttered toast tied to their backs.
 
lone wolf
#6
No matter how badly a cat embarasses itself, it will always give you that "I meant to do that" look, extend its tail in a pseudo one-finger salute and calmly walk away to wash....

Wolf
 
Dalreg
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by lone wolfView Post

No matter how badly a cat embarasses itself, it will always give you that "I meant to do that" look, extend its tail in a pseudo one-finger salute and calmly walk away to wash....

Wolf

I have recieved that look many times!
 
Curiosity
#8
I wonder if humans were switched with felines and we should have been cats - a glitch in the evolutionary process..... humans are really more like doggies anyway....
 
Dreadful Nonsense
#9
Me wife had a great lol on that Twila.....It's the only thing she comes in here for....lol!
 
Twila
#10
Kitty fiction is the only thing she comes here for...well then I have something your wife might just love:

Cat Haiku-
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper?'

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes,
Fear vacuum cleaner

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams;
My claws are not that sharp.
 
wallyj
#11
Scratch the surface of someone who despises cats and you will find someone who despises themselve.Cats rule,dogs drool.
 
lone wolf
#12
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff....

Wolf
 
Twila
#13
Quote:

Scratch the surface of someone who despises cats and you will find someone who despises themselve.Cats rule,dogs drool.

I've always felt that underneath a cat hater (a true cat hater) is a domineering person, a bully even.
 
Curiosity
#14
I have met (and owned) so many cats who were way smarter than I could ever be.

I learned as a young kid to let the cat determine the rules of any interaction .... the love in return is worth it.
 
Impetus
#15
*****-whipped wimps!
Cats can be trained like any pet...if you're patient enough.
Mine behaves like a dog...

Muz
 
shadowshiv
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by CuriosityView Post

Twila - you just made his day!

What would make that picture even more hilarious would be if the eyes would move back and forth in a quirky manner.
 
Twila
#17
Quote:

*****-whipped wimps!
People can be trained like any pet...if you're patient enough.
Mine behaves like a dog...

Sorry, had to take the liberty...as this might be a more truer statement when it comes to pets in general...
 
Impetus
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by TwilaView Post

Sorry, had to take the liberty...as this might be a more truer statement when it comes to pets in general...

Heh....true enough....for wimps.

My dog behaves like people...

Muz
 
Twila
#19
Impetus, it's nice to hear people talk with pride about their furry friends. They deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and as much love as one can heap upon them.

So....got pic's so I can admire you furbies too?
 
Impetus
#20
They won't sign releases...damn, I taught them too well!
(I'll see what I can find tonight)

Muz

Quote: Originally Posted by TwilaView Post

Impetus, it's nice to hear people talk with pride about their furry friends. They deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and as much love as one can heap upon them.

So....got pic's so I can admire you furbies too?

 
DurkaDurka
#21
My girlfriend has a Catbook extension on her facebook, she's a crazy.
 
Twila
#22
Quote:

My girlfriend has a Catbook extension on her facebook, she's a crazy

Same here. Glad to know I'm in good company! It's those "normals" that you got to worry about
 
shadowshiv
#23
Quote: Originally Posted by ImpetusView Post

They won't sign releases...damn, I taught them too well!
(I'll see what I can find tonight)

Muz

You get those pictures yet, Muz?
 
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