Dear Durka:

DurkaDurka
#1
This thread is for asking Mr.Durka for advice on all of lifes trials and tribulations. Mr.Durka has studied side by side with the Jo-Jo Psychic Alliance. Please feel free to address your fictional problem and situations to me. If you are not satisfied with my answers, you can consult my middle finger.
 
L Gilbert
#2
OK.
Dear Ms. Landers .......
Hmmm. Wrong one. Sorry. The picture fooled me.
 
DurkaDurka
#3
Address me by my proper name!
What is your sin L Gilbert?
 
eh1eh
#4
What time is it Mr. Durka?
 
L Gilbert
#5
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

Address me by my proper name!
What is your sin L Gilbert?

MStaking you for someone else? Is that a sin? If not I'll promise to try harder.
 
DurkaDurka
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by eh1ehView Post

What time is it Mr. Durka?

What time would you like it to be Mr.Eh? In the land of Unicorns and Dwrarfs; time is not of the essence. I do sense unfinished business on your part though, do you have a midget in your presence?
 
L Gilbert
#7
I have an itch at the back of my third ear and not one of my 18" tongues can lick it. Whatta I do?
 
DurkaDurka
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by L GilbertView Post

MStaking you for someone else? Is that a sin? If not I'll promise to try harder.

L.Gilbert: I sense you need a drink, is this true?
 
DurkaDurka
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by L GilbertView Post

I have an itch at the back of my third ear and not one of my 18" tongues can lick it. Whatta I do?

L.Gilbert: Fortunately I have the answer for you. You must seek out the lead singer of KISS. According to ancient legend, he had a tongue which striked fear into mere mortals. They named the Q-Tip after his appendage.
 
L Gilbert
#10
Actually I have a shot of Ouzo here. Thanks, though.
 
tamarin
#11
Durka, I need to exercise my convictions. What gym is right?
 
DurkaDurka
#12
Do not waste the Ouzo on one's thirst, cleanse thy ear with the nectar of greece!
 
eh1eh
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

What time would you like it to be Mr.Eh? In the land of Unicorns and Dwrarfs; time is not of the essence. I do sense unfinished business on your part though, do you have a midget in your presence?

I thought you might say it was 4:20.
 
L Gilbert
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

L.Gilbert: Fortunately I have the answer for you. You must seek out the lead singer of KISS. According to ancient legend, he had a tongue which striked fear into mere mortals. They named the Q-Tip after his appendage.

Oh. Ok. Thanks, Mr. Durka. Here, have a snort of Ouzo.
 
DurkaDurka
#15
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

Durka, I need to exercise my convictions. What gym is right?

Tamarin, I have just the work out for you, althought a gym isn't needed.
Tamarin, your work out shall consist of spending an afternoon at Trent University-- in the trans section. You shall value the swiftness of your feet.
 
DurkaDurka
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by L GilbertView Post

Oh. Ok. Thanks, Mr. Durka. Here, have a snort of Ouzo.

Mr.Durka cannot drink the nectar of mortals. Mr.Durka thrives off of carbon emisions.
 
tamarin
#17
Great...another afternoon at Trent. Maybe I'll take a dip in the Oughtnabee as well. It might unmuddle my noodle.
 
DurkaDurka
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

Great...another afternoon at Trent. Maybe I'll take a dip in the Oughtnabee as well. It might unmuddle my noodle.

If you don't get mixed up in a parade anyways.
 
L Gilbert
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

Mr.Durka cannot drink the nectar of mortals. Mr.Durka thrives off of carbon emisions.

Oh, I just happen to have a couple tons I was saving for a special occassion. It's yours. Um, you can always give the Ouzo to one of those Jkdhhbrts. I hear they use it as shaving lotion.
 
DurkaDurka
#20
Quote: Originally Posted by L GilbertView Post

Oh, I just happen to have a couple tons I was saving for a special occassion. It's yours. Um, you can always give the Ouzo to one of those Jkdhhbrts. I hear they use it as shaving lotion.

On the topic of shaving lotion, have you ever tasted Aqua Velva?
 
eh1eh
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

Great...another afternoon at Trent. Maybe I'll take a dip in the Oughtnabee as well. It might unmuddle my noodle.

Ha. At this time of year it'll do more than that to your noodle.
 
DurkaDurka
#22
Quote: Originally Posted by eh1ehView Post

Ha. At this time of year it'll do more than that to your noodle.

Toxic Willy, what shall you sing?
 
snowles
#23
Durka, I have a problem. I slept with this woman. I think it was a woman. Anyways, she did some really nasty stuff, and though she had a really lucid tongue and it was great fun, I have begun experiencing various rashes and itching all over my body. I don't want to broach the subject with her, because it is very personal to all involved. Anyways, long story short, tell Mrs. Durka I said hi.
 
eh1eh
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

Toxic Willy, what shall you sing?

"Four and twenty Black label bake in a pie"
 
DurkaDurka
#25
Quote: Originally Posted by snowlesView Post

Durka, I have a problem. I slept with this woman. I think it was a woman. Anyways, she did some really nasty stuff, and though she had a really lucid tongue and it was great fun, I have begun experiencing various rashes and itching all over my body. I don't want to broach the subject with her, because it is very personal to all involved. Anyways, long story short, tell Mrs. Durka I said hi.

Mr.Snowles, Mrs. Durka says hi. She advised me the rash is only the begining of your problems. According to her, she slept with a Turkish man at a Truck Stop, contracting your disease. Now, speaking purely as a guide, I suggest you rub lime on your nether regions, within 5 days you will feel better or your goods will fall off.
 
snowles
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

Mr.Snowles, Mrs. Durka says hi. She advised me the rash is only the begining of your problems. According to her, she slept with a Turkish man at a Truck Stop, contracting your disease. Now, speaking purely as a guide, I suggest you rub lime on your nether regions, within 5 days you will feel better or your goods will fall off.

Excellent, I am off to buy limes then. Some for my crotch, some for a pie. Now, hopefully I do not get them mixed up.
 
DurkaDurka
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by snowlesView Post

Excellent, I am off to buy limes then. Some for my crotch, some for a pie. Now, hopefully I do not get them mixed up.

lol. too funny.
 
Libra Girl
#28
lol DurkaDurka... I figure you'll be online consistently from heretofore nursing peeps through inane and er... dubious accounts of trials and tribulations such as have never been heard before. Good luck!
 
Toro
#29
Durka

I have 32,867 reputation comments, of which 32,866 are red and 1 that is green because somebody thought they were sending it to ITN, not me.

How do I get people to like me?
 
Meeshee
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

This thread is for asking Mr.Durka for advice on all of lifes trials and tribulations. Mr.Durka has studied side by side with the Jo-Jo Psychic Alliance. Please feel free to address your fictional problem and situations to me. If you are not satisfied with my answers, you can consult my middle finger.

I met Jo-Jo in grade 8 when she came to my school with her sister. She said I was an angel....LMAO
 

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