The horrible reality of spousal abuse.


Socrates the Greek
#1
A Father and a Mother at odds with each other, while the poor innocent children pay the price. It is a despicable act when a man wants to have his opinion prevail with in his family unit and violence is the only way in maintaining such control, while the poor innocent children again pay a price which has an irreversible affect of mental silent damage.
For centuries many mothers have suffered a life sentence that was a life of tyranny, a life of such abuse that has left many mothers wander why is life so unkind to them.
For sure on both sides of the fence the opposite has happened to men from abusive wives but not as violent in physical abuse terms as small women in the hands of big angry men.
Te worst physical abuse mothers have suffered in the past today and the future is from drunk husbands who become obnoxious after a stupid binge of boozing.
In many family unions verbal abuse is just as much damaging as physical abuse; the courts will overlook many times this miserable warp zone a mother finds her self in.
The solution is education for men who abuse the mothers of their children in such a way that #1 it hurts the children and #2 declares them as hypocrites because they would not want this done to their mothers but yet they do that to their kidís mothers.
That is were the rubber hits the road, my great Canadian forum friends.
 
Said1
#2
Sometimes family violence is a sick cycle - I've seen women provoke their husbands into blind rages when they are drunk, then cry and moan about how they don't deserve this.

Not that they do deserve it, but both often need just as much help because they feed off each other. Not in all cases of course, but probably more than you would think.
 
Jo Canadian
#3
I know it's slightly off topic but I couldn't resist posting it.



 
Socrates the Greek
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by Jo Canadian

I know it's slightly off topic but I couldn't resist posting it.



[img]

Jo Canadian, humour is a good thing, but we are discussing pain on this topic, your post doesnít do any justice to the mother that has her eyes punched up by her drunken ******* husband. OK?
 
tracy
#5
Don't forget the women who hit their husbands either.

The provocation of a beating I understand. Sometimes the anticipation of being hit is worse than actually being hit and at least when they happens, the tension is gone for a time.
 
Socrates the Greek
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by tracy

Don't forget the women who hit their husbands either.

The provocation of a beating I understand. Sometimes the anticipation of being hit is worse than actually being hit and at least when they happens, the tension is gone for a time.


The majority are women who find them selfís in a place very unfair and lonely. Cold and unfit for civilised humanity no matter who is being abused Men or women. The reality is all people abused disserve to escape from such reality. No one disserves to live a life of misery, the soul of every individual human being is worthy of peace and grace, anything angry and ugly is the enemy against positive energy.
 
TenPenny
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by Socrates the Greek

A Father and a Mother at odds with each other, while the poor innocent children pay the price. It is a despicable act when a man wants to have his opinion prevail with in his family unit and violence is the only way in maintaining such control, while the poor innocent children again pay a price which has an irreversible affect of mental silent damage.
For centuries many mothers have suffered a life sentence that was a life of tyranny, a life of such abuse that has left many mothers wander why is life so unkind to them.
For sure on both sides of the fence the opposite has happened to men from abusive wives but not as violent in physical abuse terms as small women in the hands of big angry men.
Te worst physical abuse mothers have suffered in the past today and the future is from drunk husbands who become obnoxious after a stupid binge of boozing.
In many family unions verbal abuse is just as much damaging as physical abuse; the courts will overlook many times this miserable warp zone a mother finds her self in.
The solution is education for men who abuse the mothers of their children in such a way that #1 it hurts the children and #2 declares them as hypocrites because they would not want this done to their mothers but yet they do that to their kidís mothers.
That is were the rubber hits the road, my great Canadian forum friends.

Quote has been trimmed
So, you're one of the many who believe it's only MEN who abuse WOMEN? Have you watched "Canada's Worst Handyman?" There's a guy on there, his wife constantly says, "you're an idiot"...etc etc.

Can you imagine say, a cooking show, where a guy constantly tells his wife she's an idiot, she's stupid, she doesn't know what she's doing, etc etc? Wouldn't that be funny.
 
Socrates the Greek
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by TenPenny

Quote: Originally Posted by Socrates the GreekA Father and a Mother at odds with each other, while the poor innocent children pay the price. It is a despicable act when a man wants to have his opinion prevail with in his family unit and violence is the only way in maintaining such control, while the poor innocent children again pay a price which has an irreversible affect of mental silent damage.For centuries many mothers have suffered a life sentence that was a life of tyranny, a life of such abuse that has left many mothers wander why is life so unkind to them.For sure on both sides of the fence the opposite has happened to men from abusive wives but not as violent in physical abuse terms as small women in the hands of big angry men.Te worst physical abuse mothers have suffered in the past today and the future is from drunk husbands who become obnoxious after a stupid binge of boozing.In many family unions verbal abuse is just as much damaging as physical abuse; the courts will overlook many times this miserable warp zone a mother finds her self in.The solution is education for men who abuse the mothers of their children in such a way that #1 it hurts the children and #2 declares them as hypocrites because they would not want this done to their mothers but yet they do that to their kidís mothers.That is were the rubber hits the...

Quote has been trimmed
Hey tenpenn, no pun intended but the pain involved from this type of mental and physical abuse on men and women is real, and when pain is real there is nothing funny about that. Imagine the anticipation of abuse how cold and lonely of an environment that would be whether you are a man or a woman, or a child having to witness this ugliness day in day out. We see for many of them it is easier to live a silent miserable life with years of abuse on either side especially women, than to rise to the next level to liberation and correct a wrong. For many especially women that feel threatened by the thought of failure, they will be humiliated by either spouse, and reprimanded much like the prison any one that attempts an escape when caught they will have to pay for their actions of disobedience making the consequences look very scary and ugly. Especially women who have been completely shut out by the courts, and by husbands that have chosen a hypocritical philosophy to a civilised family life.
 
Said1
#9
Jo's cartoons are great and welcome in any thread.
 
Socrates the Greek
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by Said1

Jo's cartoons are great and welcome in any thread.

Jo has the right to be humours, but on the correct topic.
Cartoons are good; freedom of expression is good, as long as is not at another personís expense. Said 1 I mean well.
 
Said1
#11
I know you mean well, but we all have our styles. Jo's been around awhile and his posts are always a welcome comic releif.

I mean well too!

Here's some interesting stuff on codependency. Psychobable supreme, but pretty dead on in light of the present topic. Abuse and codependency go hand in hand. Check it out.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Masters (external - login to view)
 
gd
#12
Well coming from a family where my drunken mother use to throw her weight around, the less reported family abuse is a reality.

I believe the root causes is alienation and gender segregation.

As shown in my family, my parents are married yet at as far apart as they are together. Indeed I see in younger generations worrying charactersitics what I see in my family.

As for the gender segregation: Just the other day I saw a couple in a swimming pool, the wife inquired wether he could stand up in the deep end to which "Of course I can't." was the reply. Why did she ask?

Because men are ment to be tall, she hence had it in her head that her partner was everything man should be, ie being able to stand up in the deep end.

Tension was then caused within thier relationship due to that social sterotype. (men are on average taller, not men are taller)

It is often said that striking out is a cry for help. I think in spouse abuse, either way, both are victims.

I have come across instances where the women aggrevate the man to see wether he really cares, she is actually the bad parent, or similarly she is too busy playing happy families to actually be in a real relationship with him.

Likewise there are men who hold old-world views, or are just too use to being looked after. Some indeed think violence is a positive trait.

A good example of what I am getting at, is women expect men to be strong and defend her with his life, yet ignore that men have to deal with a violent world.

You could say the same that men expect women to be blonde, big breasted and thin.

To reiterate, sterotypes in modern culture are highly distructive and too some extent allow those with psychopathic traits to appear normal because all they have to do is fulfil some easyly gained sterotypical trait.

As it is shown you are more likely to be harmed by someone you know, love and trust.

Why? Because so many guilable people look for sterotypical traits in thier partners rather than actually seeing the person.
 
selfactivated
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by Said1

Sometimes family violence is a sick cycle - I've seen women provoke their husbands into blind rages when they are drunk, then cry and moan about how they don't deserve this.

Not that they do deserve it, but both often need just as much help because they feed off each other. Not in all cases of course, but probably more than you would think.

Education, therapy, sense of self worth, good friends. The main ingrediants to survival.

My Mom was beat and raped growing up, she married a man (My Dad) who got her out of the house but beat her (and my Sis) too.

My Sis and I watched from closets and under sinks. Mom divorced him and met another man and she married him. Moved clear across country. He never beat her or my Sis (Thank Fae).

I wasnt so lucky. I was living Mom's childhood. Two abusive marrages and finally I had enough. Through counsciling and self education and pure determination Im leaning "I AM a blessed and worthy being"

I went to college and one of my proffesors (bless his bald head he always saw my intent not my technique) Our Thesis was to write about the last 3 generations of history through our families. OMF myeyes were so opened. We were in an upward motion. I saw my future through my history. It only took 27 years to get here. But Damn it Im proud of my path!

Abuse doesnt have to go on. One kind word , one touch, one knowing look can helped an abused person (men get beat too) feel theres hope

Namaste!
 
Socrates the Greek
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by selfactivated

Quote: Originally Posted by Said1

Sometimes family violence is a sick cycle - I've seen women provoke their husbands into blind rages when they are drunk, then cry and moan about how they don't deserve this.

Not that they do deserve it, but both often need just as much help because they feed off each other. Not in all cases of course, but probably more than you would think.

Education, therapy, sense of self worth, good friends. The main ingrediants to survival.

My Mom was beat and raped growing up, she married a man (My Dad) who got her out of the house but beat her (and my Sis) too.

My Sis and I watched from closets and under sinks. Mom divorced him and met another man and she married him. Moved clear across country. He never beat her or my Sis (Thank Fae).

I wasnt so lucky. I was living Mom's childhood. Two abusive marrages and finally I had enough. Through counsciling and self education and pure determination Im leaning "I AM a blessed and worthy being"

I went to college and one of my proffesors (bless his bald head he always saw my intent not my technique) Our Thesis was to write about the last 3 generations of history through our families. OMF myeyes were so opened. We were in an upward motion. I saw my future through my history. It only took 27 years to get here. But Damn it Im proud of my path!

Abuse doesnt have to go on. One kind word , one touch, one knowing look can helped an abused person (men get beat too) feel theres hope

Namaste!

You are a great example of inner will power at work.
Good for you, you are what many wish could be, faced with the same problem.
 
selfactivated
#15
Thank you for your words. Im not saying Ive got it down pat. Besides the abuse we have a history of mental illness (depression and Bi-Polar) If you add the mental illness and the PTSD then you have a very sad and disturbed person. I fall back onto the drama sceen at times (main reason I cant keep friends) BUT with understanding an councilling (HUGE point here) I made it through the worse. The nightmares stopped and for the most part Im learning Im a worthy BEing. and if I can do it...........anyone can. Im a weak individual, I have way to many needs. But this past 4 years, my friends have pulled me through and my shrinks have been emensly supportive. The kind that truly care.

Ok Im rambling. I guess my point is this......get a support system, on line .....offline.......where ever you can. Abuse can kill BUT you can get out of it.

Namaste
Tam
 
Jay
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by tracy

Don't forget the women who hit their husbands either.

To me it is always refreshing and makes life a little easier to live as a man when I see females say things like this. Thank you! This isn't a one sided issue.

I do not understand how a man, who is supposed to love his wife, can raise a hand at her. I want my wife to be happy and relaxed so we can have life abundantly, not fear and depression that drains life.
 
Curiosity
#17
Battered men and women

I have been leading an evening group for over five years now of battered people - spouses, lovers, friends, enemies, and the ratio so far is 65% women - 35% men - nobody could be more surprised than I.

I had seen the studies and research but didn't believe the stats until they became my weekly verification.

There is no end to the vicious creativity we use when hurting those who have reached into our basic self and found the keys
to our need to lash out physically as well as verbally.

One day I am going to arrive at the meeting place and nobody will be waiting.

A dream of mine.

[Edit:] The group is comprised of adults only - I could never handle child abuse - it takes a very special kind of forgiving person to moderate that facet of inhumanity.
 
jimmoyer
#18
God bless you Wednesday.

There's a lot of pain out there.

Been through it myself. About a month or so ago
the AARP magazine for anyone over 50 in the U.S.
retailed a story about old age spousal abuse.

Just a couple getting old together and going
through it together is a trial let alone when abuse
comes into the picture.

It's a sadness.

Immeasurable.
 
selfactivated
#19
When I lived in Cali I joined a group called AMAC amac.usclargo.com/ (external - login to view) Adults Molested As Children. It was a great program that used a book called The Courage To Heal. It was instramental in my healing. The interesting part about the program was it worked in conjunctiom with another group that was a support group for perpetrators, when anyone of us was ready we were allowed to confront the group. As part of their court ordered attendance they had to participate. Some of the girls took part in the exchanged and felt a catharsis afterward. They felt that they had the chance to confront their demonds. I wasnt ready. Looking back on it now I wish I had been.

Edit: Wednesday, its pepole like you that help people like me want to move on in a healthy way and for everyone like me I say Wado (thank you in cherokee)
 
Curiosity
#20
JimMoyer/Selfactivated

Thank you so much.

In helping people at the lowest ebb of their self- worth, I have found I am also helping myself.

I am learning much about me as we all pilot through our meetings on a cruise to better lives.
 
Socrates the Greek
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by Jay

Quote: Originally Posted by tracy

Don't forget the women who hit their husbands either.

To me it is always refreshing and makes life a little easier to live as a man when I see females say things like this. Thank you! This isn't a one sided issue.

I do not understand how a man, who is supposed to love his wife, can raise a hand at her. I want my wife to be happy and relaxed so we can have life abundantly, not fear and depression that drains life.

Good post Jay,
 
Socrates the Greek
#22
Quote: Originally Posted by jimmoyer

God bless you Wednesday.

There's a lot of pain out there.

Been through it myself. About a month or so ago
the AARP magazine for anyone over 50 in the U.S.
retailed a story about old age spousal abuse.

Just a couple getting old together and going
through it together is a trial let alone when abuse
comes into the picture.

It's a sadness.

Immeasurable.

Jim that is the moment many people married for long stretches fear from, and ask the question how will I be treated in my 80ís? a very serious loaded question which for sure demands and answer, how will my spouse care for me when I am old and difficult?. My self I have been married for 31 years and I know my mission will be fulfilled when I make my wife smile at old age.
 
Socrates the Greek
#23
Quote: Originally Posted by Wednesday's Child

Battered men and women

I have been leading an evening group for over five years now of battered people - spouses, lovers, friends, enemies, and the ratio so far is 65% women - 35% men - nobody could be more surprised than I.

I had seen the studies and research but didn't believe the stats until they became my weekly verification.

There is no end to the vicious creativity we use when hurting those who have reached into our basic self and found the keys
to our need to lash out physically as well as verbally.

One day I am going to arrive at the meeting place and nobody will be waiting.

A dream of mine.

[Edit:] The group is comprised of adults only - I could never handle child abuse - it takes a very special kind of forgiving person to moderate that facet of inhumanity.

Wednesday's Child, you are very inspiring and the world is the sand and you are the diamond. Good for you the world is a better place because of people like you, I enjoy having you as a forum participant on a subject very dear to me.
 

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