Who said I was a christian?
So when you were a kid and someone came up and pushed you, you did not push them back?
If so, you probably did not because you were afraid, and not because you felt the urge to turn away in benevolence of your aggressor.
If this is your attitude today as an adult, then you must have acquired it from something learned.
What do you attribute your personal disdain for seeing people who hurt you or your loved-one's, killed.
That you would be happy with them being in prison and eventually released is not a natural reaction without something else to compel you.
Another thing I find fascinating is that you said that it's ok to kill someone in self-defence or in defence of a loved one, but then after they did their evil deed, you would not want to kill them. The difference is only a matter of when.