Thanks to All of You.


Twila
#1
I must add my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rats in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your
chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
removetoilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffallo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
AlQaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers. (come on now. do we really believe
that?their chicken comes from Lillydale, for crynig out loud! You can buy
the same thing in the grocery store!!!)

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
theirrecipe.

I will no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is
aboutto die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your
head at 5:00 PM(EDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump I know this will occur because
it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!
 
mrmom2
#2
Your welcome although you forgot implantable microchips and the police state :P
 
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