Orders From the Neighbour


Reverend Blair
#1
My neighbour gave me orders today. She's going away for the weekend. If her son has a party, I'm supposed to break it up before the cops get there and confiscate any marijuana I might find. She told me this on the front lawn.

My neighbour's daughter was standing there smirking at the possibility of me hassling her brother and taking away his drugs. Then her mother said, "And if you hear this one grunting like a porno queen again, feel free to walk into her room and break things up." That made her daughter turn about fifteen shades of red.

I'm not really going to do any of that, of course. I might pay a friendly visit if it seems like some other neighbour might call the cops, but these are actually pretty good kids and I'm not exactly a paragon of responsible behaviour. Once the daughter ran away in embarrassment, I pointed that out to the mother.

"Yeah," she said, "but they're scared of you."

So we yakked for a bit longer. My job is to be the bogey-man. Oh, and I can make her boy mow my lawn if I want. Especially if he looks really hung over.
 
zenfisher
#2
:P :P :P :P I have now officially heard everything.
 
Cosmo
#3
Wish you lived closer ... could use someone to strong-arm my damn Jack Russell!!
 
Reverend Blair
#4
Quote:

I have now officially heard everything.

Yeah, I know. It seems like just yesterday you were napping on my front lawn and complaining about the ants.

The really cool thing is that the last time anybody was afraid of my was because I responded to her ill-founded fears by saying, "So you mean you don't want some stranger to slip their slim-jim into that slit and make off with the hairiest possession you own."

Before I said that she was sure somebody was going to steal her car, which is why I said it. After I said it, she was sure that I was going to steal her car.

Things got a little odder when she started when she started asking, "How come that woman who isn't your wife keeps laughing at me."

How come indeed? Perhaps because that woman who wasn't my wife knew how to react to a moron? Just a guess.
 
zenfisher
#5
Was the woman who wasn't your wife named with a letter starting with "L". Somehow I can see it. Is the woman entrusting you with the "policing " of her children related to the woman who thought you were going to take her car related? Just a theory.

What will the lesson du jour be? ...How to get away with **** and not have your parents find out? Make sure he picks up the dog **** before he mows in back. Shouldn't you also be really hungover when he mows the lawn?

Don't forget to document the whole experience...I want pics.
 
missile
#6
I'm trying to be sympathic to you,Rev, because most of my neighbours are afraid of me..It may have some thing to do with the teen I picked up and tossed off my second floor deck.No problem,he landed on his head!The *** was beating on the back door with a rock,when I rudely interrupted him!
 
Reverend Blair
#7
Quote:

Was the woman who wasn't your wife named with a letter starting with "L".

Nah, it was Karen. I think you met her...sarcastic sense of humour, really low tolerance for stupid people.

Quote:

Is the woman entrusting you with the "policing " of her children related to the woman who thought you were going to take her car related? Just a theory.

Not as far as I know. My new neighbour is a nice lady who seems to have a working brain (unlike the last guy who lived there). She seems a little freaked out by the way her children are behaving, but they're basically good kids, just a little rambunctious is all.
 
Jo Canadian
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by Reverend Blair

My neighbour gave me orders today. She's going away for the weekend. If her son has a party, I'm supposed to break it up before the cops get there and confiscate any marijuana I might find. She told me this on the front lawn.
My neighbour's daughter was standing there smirking at the possibility of me hassling her brother and taking away his drugs. Then her mother said, "And if you hear this one grunting like a porno queen again, feel free to walk into her room and break things up." That made her daughter turn about fifteen shades of red.
I'm not really going to do any of that, of course. I might pay a friendly visit if it seems like some other neighbour might call the cops, but these are actually pretty good kids and I'm not exactly a paragon of responsible behaviour. Once the daughter ran away in embarrassment, I pointed that out to the mother.
"Yeah," she said, "but they're scared of you."
So we yakked for a bit longer. My job is to be the bogey-man. Oh, and I can make her boy mow my lawn if I want. Especially if he looks really hung over.

Quote has been trimmed
So did you get to break anything up, and put the fear of God in the neighbours kids yet?

Or was there just a minimal of Grunting and substance abuse over the weekend?
 

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