FIFTY-FOUR

LadyC
#1
Some friends of an old gentleman decided to get him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. She went to his house and knocked on the door. Upon opening it she said "Hi I am your birthday present."

He responded, "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"I am yours for super sex", she answers.

He replies: "Well I am FIFTY-FOUR YEARS OLD so I will take the soup."
 
LadyC
#2
A FIFTY-FOUR year old man was discussing the ravages that time had wrought on his body.
"My arthritis has gotten so bad I can hardly grip anything, my cataracts seem to get worse every day, I have gout in my right leg and canít bend my knee and I canít hear anything but thank God I can still drive my RV."
 
LadyC
#3
A FIFTY-FOUR year old man goes to the Doctor. The Dr. checks him out and tells him everything is fine. The Doctor asked if he had any questions. The man stated he did. "I have been wondering about my *****. When I was 17 and it was hard I could not bend it." When I was in my 40's and it was hard I could bend it a little bit." Now that I am FIFTY-FOUR YEARS OLD when it gets hard I can bend the hell out of it." Doc tell me am I getting stronger....
 
LadyC
#4
Do you know the four signs of GOING ON FIFTY-FOUR?
1. Forgetting names,
2. Forgetting faces,
3. Forgetting to zip up,
4. Forgetting to zip down
 
LadyC
#5
This FIFTY-FOUR YEAR OLD man went to the doctor and told the doctor that he wants his sex life lowered. The doctor looks at him and asked him how old he is. The man replied "I am FIFTY-FOUR YEARS OLD." The doctor said that's ridiculous for a man of your age to ask that his sex life be lowered. It's all in your head. The man replied "I know that's why I want it lowered."
 
LadyC
#6
Happy birthday, Ten Packs.
 
Rick van Opbergen
#7
That's just mean LadyC

(...)

Do continue!
 
Extrafire
#8
but funny
 
Dexter Sinister
#9
Hey, have a little respect there, you young pups. I'm 55, and I still wake up stiff every morning.

But now it's my back.
 
mrmom2
#10
Is that all I have to look forward to ? :P Happy Birthday Ten
 
peapod
#11
A belated happy birthday ten paks, I missed this thread. I dunno how that happened I usually have my nose in everything :P
 
peapod
#12
You are still a wrong man Dex, where I work the youngest person is 92 and the eldest will be 103 in october, and they all live independently. Of course Mr. thomson swears he has reached the age of 102 because of glenlivet single malt whiskey. Of course he says, he only rinses his mouth with it, never swallows.
 
Dexter Sinister
#13
I hope you mean a young man there, pea, not a wrong man, but thanks anyway. I think.

I surmise that you work at a home for very mature folks. Tell Mr. Thomson from me that he should switch to Glenmorangie, and swallow it. If all he wants to do is rinse his mouth he shouldn't be wasting the Glenlivet, he should use Johnny Walker Red, it actually tastes like mouthwash.
 
peapod
#14
yes I did mean young Dex. And I think Mr. thomson swallows his glenlivet to, he is far to happy all the time :P
 
Rick van Opbergen
#15
102 eh? Imagine, if I would be 102, I still have 84 years to go ... wow ...
 

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