Makes you stop and think ...


Cosmo
#1
Peapod and I lost a friend this week. Now I'm not generally one of those people who find death and dying overly disturbing ... all part of the process in my philosophy. What can take me by surprise, though, is regret. Our friend Jim was one of those unusual people. He came from the most horrifying history I have ever heard about yet he was untainted by the evil of it. He was an exceptional father, friend and human being.

I've been thinking about contacting Jim since I moved back to the Island. Of course I put it off to do important things like watch CSI on TV or hang out on the computer. As a result, I never did call him. I wish I had. Jim was the last man I had a relationship with before I sorted out my own issues and did the whole "coming out" thing. He played a big part in my growth. I realized that if I couldn't live with Jim (who was pretty much a perfect partner), the problem was within me. Jim played an important role in my own becoming. I never told him that.

Another interesting thing about Jim is that he was a die-hard born again christian. But he taught me that one can have extreme beliefs without being offensive. Was a great gift to me.

Makes me wonder how others are with their friendships. I'm interested in hearing how careful the forum folk are about making sure their "house is in order" when it comes to the people in their life. Just thought it would make an interesting read for me.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
 
galianomama
#2
yup, with you on this one cosmo. i don't have a 'ton' of friends, but those i do have i truely enjoy. a true friend to me, is one that you can go over have a coffee and pick up where you left off. never any prancing, just good times. dear friend has brain cancer. totally undaunted, she carries on, works and knows how to play. play has become extremely important to her now, which i have to admire. taking the time to be with her friends, relish their company and be part of their life. true friend and she will be til the end. important stuff friendships, and in our lives we have to make them special. always.
 
Jay
#3
I need to call my Dad. Thanks Cosmo for reminding me of that.

Thank you for sharing that with us, and I'm truly sorry to hear of the loss of your and Peapod’s friend.
 
Rick van Opbergen
#4
Like Jay, I want to thank you for sharing that with us, Cosmo, and I wish you and Peapod all the best in coping with this loss. It makes me think of the people who lost a person close to them this year: the mother of a friend; Cavfancier, a person I knew from another forum (members Col Man and Montana know him as well); a boy who died of cancer in our neighborhood just at the age of 5. It really makes you become aware of how precious life really is.
 
peapod
#5
Well thanks everyone. Yes it was a real shock, especially since he still had alot of life to live. The last time I spoke to him was at christmas, and he was his usual self, happy go lucky, and his infectious laugh. He went to the doctor in February, he was told he had 6 months, he never got it. He had a tumour on his liver, and it spread very quickly. Of course Jim never told any of his friends. He never wanted people to stop smiling.

I met Jim through cosmos when they were partners, even after cosmos moved away, Jim and I remained good friends, we would build bird houses together :P The most outstanding thing about Jim was the kind of father he was. I don't think I ever saw a more loving and self less parent, most of all EVERYONE enjoyed his company. He just lit a place up when he came around. Cosmos is right Jim was religious, but in all the years I knew him, he never once brought it up, he prefered to keep his beliefs close and personal.
I always wondered how he could have just a wonderful, infectious disposition and personality, because he did come from a very dark childhood. Sometimes he would tell me about the things that were done to him, and it was never with anger, hate or resentment, it always amazed me. He finally bought a house a few years ago in Duncan, he was so excited because his daughter was coming to live with him, his son had just left home.

I don't like funerals, I would rather not go tomarrow, I will see lots of Jim's friends and family and I will get to feel his presence one more time for old auld lang syne. And I will plant a tree for him somewhere on this island.
 
mrmom2
#6
I to am on the verge of losing somebody too .Thanks Cosmo for sharing your thoughts .You and Pea take care my heart goes out to you.
 
peapod
#7
I am sorry mom. I forgot to mention one more thing about Jim. When he bought his house he became a "gardener" nuff said
 
Hard-Luck Henry
#8
To you both, I'm sorry to hear about your sad loss. There isn't really anything suitable to say at a time such as this: words can sound trite, but a person is never truly dead who lives in the hearts of those they leave behind, and that's clearly the case with your friend Jim. And Cosmo, your feelings are natural; we all wish we'd done some things a little differently when we lose someone, especially unexpectedly, but regrets will only hurt you, and I don't think that's what your friend would want. Remember the ways in which you've benefitted from knowing this man. Take care, N.
 
mrmom2
#9
That was a nice post Henry. Thanks
 
zenfisher
#10
We are made up of bits and pieces of all we meet. In that way each of us lives on in each others' hearts. Edge and I send our deepest sympathies Cosmo and Peapod.
 
merryclaire
#11
Peapod & Cosmo i'm very sorry about your loss. it is very sad. my thoughts are with you in this hard time.
 
jamie
#12
Yeah, regrets are the worst. I just lost my Dad this year, and I really regret not saying/doing certain things. But, I have no doubt he's in a better place....which is comforting, seeing as though he has been through so much in his life (Nam, family stuff,etc.). It's still just weird...I catch myself doing certain things- kinda forgetting that he's gone, then remembering...
 

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