Favorite quotes

Vanni Fucci
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Vanni Fucci
When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!" Them I drive them out into the desert where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life.
"When I was a kid, my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."
Jack handey-- deep thoughts
Hard-Luck Henry
Quote: Originally Posted by Vanni Fucci

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

This guy is a genius; I can't believe I wasn't aware of this material. Quality. I love the 'matter of factness.'

"I bet if you were in some old west gang, and you were dragging a guy along the ground with your horse, It'd probably make you really mad to look back and see him reading a magazine."

Stop it, man; I can't breath.

"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
Hard-Luck Henry

I'm going to interject at this point, with a Tommy Cooper gag:

"Isn't funny how, if you're in a library and you go 'Aaarghhh!!!', people just stop and stare at you, but if you do it on an aeroplane, they join in?"
Vanni Fucci
You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
-- Jack (Can't Get Enough of This Guy) Handey
Vanni Fucci
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
-- Jack Handey

Ok...that's enough of him... :P
so you are the boss around here now eh? how conservative of you

"The reason I enjoy the home shopping
network so much is that they never
interupt their shows with commercials."

galaniomama--deep thoughts
Vanni Fucci
Oh don't pout, Pea...

I didn't mean that you shouldn't post any more Jack Handey quotes...I meant that it was enough for me...
I never pout...cut you off at the knees, sure...but pout...wait a second I like muching on a baby soother...really its like one of those stress ball you squeeze..sorta but you chew instead of squeeze.

"We known ourselves to be made from this earth.
We know this earth is made from our bodies. For we see ourselves.
And we are nature. We are nature seeing nature.
We are nature with a concept of nature. Nature weeping.
Nature speaking of nature to nature."

Susan Griffin
Hard-Luck Henry
"Not one cent for scenery."

--- U.S. Representative JOSEPH G. CANNON (1836-1926), squelching a request for funds for some modest Federal undertaking in conservation.

No change, there, then.
"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, 'Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients', but the another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian!'"
Dick Wilson
Hard-Luck Henry
"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world."

Oh thats the problem i've been having.My windows are filthy
Gordon Campbell has kept all the promises he intended on keeping. :P
Hard-Luck Henry
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."

good one big H :P

A sense of curiosity is nature's original school of education.
Smiley Blanton
Hard-Luck Henry
"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men."

Zora Neale Hurston.
Nice big H.

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever: Its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness; but still will keep A bower quiet for us, and a sleep, full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing. :P
Hard-Luck Henry
hehe ... I found it here a quiz for you (external - login to view) :P

"The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way. Some see Nature all ridicule and deformity, and some scarce see Nature at all. But to the eyes of the man of imagination, Nature is Imagination itself."

:P Your just to good to me big H, I only got 5 right now I have to take the other tests Alright I got one for you Sorry you will have to cut and paste it...and I also have a quote :P

"the restlessness of shorebirds, their kinship with the distance and swift seasons, the wistful signal of their voices and down the long coastlines of the world make them, for me, the most affecting of wild creatures. I think of them as birds of wind, as "wind birds"

Peter matthiessen the wind birds

books.guardian.co.uk/quiz/que...437461,00.html (external - login to view)
Hard-Luck Henry
Wow, 9/10: it seems I'm 'a veritable Sappho'

To which end ...

"So must we learn in a world made as this one
Man can never attain his greatest desire,
But must pray for what good fortune Fate holdeth, Never unmindful."

(That's from Sappho, in case anyone was wondering )
Well I wondering, so its a good thing you told me :P
Here is something fitting for you big H.

Who goes to the hills, goes to his mother :P
Hard-Luck Henry
Rev's mention of "thou shalt not ... " reminded me of this Blake poem. (I've probably posted it before, it's a favourite, but who's counting?)

I went to the Garden of Love.
And saw what I never had seen:
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.

And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
And "Thou shalt not," writ over the door;
So I turn'd to the Garden of Love,
That so many sweet flowers bore,

And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tomb-stones where flowers should be:
And priests in black gowns, were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars, my joys & desires.
Hard-Luck Henry
"After the stifling incense-choked sanctimoniousness of American politics, getting back to Britain was like coming up for air."

- Historian Simon Schama, on British election campaigning vs. the US variety.

Anyone interested can find the rest of the article here (external - login to view)
Hard-Luck Henry
"All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting."

-- George Orwell
Vanni Fucci
I'm tired of hearing about money money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

Shaquille O'Neal
Hard-Luck Henry
"Materialism coarsens and petrifies everything, making everything vulgar, and every truth false."

Shaquille O'Neal
Hard-Luck Henry
"It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly."

Shaquille O'Neal

Similar Threads

Quotes from the Bible
by quandary121 | Aug 20th, 2008
Sig quotes
by triedit | Oct 15th, 2007
no new posts