And by good evening I mean happy damned 2:13 a.m.. I'll mean happy 4:13 a.m. when that rolls around and about 7:13 a.m. I'll feed the dogs. Why not? It's not like I'll be asleep.

You know how to tell when you have insomnia? You can listen to the Cowboy Junkies while drinking beer for two hours and not even manage a yawn. Not even watching Lord of the Rings while reading Tolkien's insane description of every blade of grass in the friggin' shire could put me to sleep at this point.

My insomnia used to be pain induced. When I had my first eustachen tube infection I stayed awake for three straight days. I was kind of hallucinating at the end...I was convinced that the ghost of Keith Moon had taken up residence in my jaw and was breaking whisky bottles with his little ax.

When I finally did go to sleep I was apparently still clutching my face and muttering obscenities. I've been told that it was quite entertaining, though I'm guessing not nearly as entertaining as watching Keith Moon smash his empties with his wee hatchet.

The insomnia isn't pain-induced anymore though. It's just a complete inability to fall asleep. It's as inexplicable as string theory to me...as perplexing as my neighbour's habit of buying really cool muscle cars and never driving them...as bizarre as the fact that most men have actually learned how to tie a tie and aren't at all embarrassed about fixing a noose to their throats each morning.

Ah, but it's a bizarre world we live in and who am I to judge the subservient habits of my fellow man? They can fall asleep at night, after all. Hell they can even dress themselves for funerals, though hopefully not their own.

i wonder what's on CLT now....