I hate it when....


peapod
#1
I hate it when people tell me there are gonna do something and they dont Like cosmo for instance telling me she will be over at my workplace around noon. And a no show and now I see her here I am not keeping this hair much longer And galaniomama...takes willam shantner home to burn...oh and now its two days later..has she burned it? no not yet? would I like it back? well yes I would, as I have not listened to it enough yet myself. she invites me to dinner often and forgets, and takes off for parts unknown ....I am going to start pay back and soon!
 
Cosmo
#2
Quote: Originally Posted by peapod

I hate it when people tell me there are gonna do something and they dont Like cosmo for instance telling me she will be over at my workplace around noon. And a no show and now I see her here

I hate it when ...

I drive all the way into Vic, run all over town, then, at last stop before heading over to view the new peapod doo, come out to find my truck won't start. Call tow truck. Have tow truck drag the damn thing 20 klicks back to my house, pay the man good money I could have spent on shoes ... then turn the key and find it starts. I also hate that I missed seeing peapod's new hair! dammit

Peapod, I'm always on here ... even when I'm not. I just keep the site up so it looks like I'm a constant fixture. Don't want to miss anything, ya know!

And the Shatner CD ... gotta love it. That guy is so incredibly terrible you can't help but listen. C'mon Galianomomma ... get that back to pod so she can burn me a copy!

And now I am going back to bed for a wee nap. I missed my nap entirely yesterday so have to make up for it be having two today. It's a new hobby I've acquired a real taste for!

Oh ya ... and I hate it when I my family discovers my new phone number after I moved.
 
Omega
#3
I hate it when...I blab off too much. I'm pretty outspoken and some people don't appreciate that, but it's the way I am especially if I see an injustice being done.

There's a middle aged guy where my 3 women friends and I meet every day for a walk and a visit. We chat, tell jokes, laugh a lot and really enjoy each other. This guy is supposedly a mensa brain, but has absolutely no social skills, couth or charm. For months now he's been taunting one of us, thinking he's being clever or funny, with the fact that she's Jewish. She's the sweetest, funniest gal I know and she keeps us in stitches every day. She reacted by going along with him the first time or two, then started ignoring him, to just staring at him when he made these remarks. He does this every chance he gets, in front of everyone, and so far nobody has said a word to him about it, hoping she would do that. I've talked to him twice privately but he just laughed it off.

Today he did it again, he twists what she says around to say something about Jews, and she told him she didn't think it was funny then walked away with another gal. His wife took off in the other direction. Only one other friend and I were left with him and I laid into him good. I told him to stop hurting my friend, to just lay off her and take me seriously when I told him he was deeply offending her. He got really angry with me and I almost backed off, but had to see it through at that point or I wouldn't like myself very much.

He finally took me seriously and thought about it, and said he'd apologize to her, and off he went. He was really shook up. Meanwhile, the friend beside me didn't say one word to back me up, even tho she also knows how offensive he is.

The Jewish gal was all agog to hear what went on, and was actually afraid of him talking to her, but I'm hopeful he will be man enough to apologize to her sincerely and stop doing this, so that the problem is solved. Meanwhile, the other two both remarked that we probably wouldn't be walking with this guy and his wife any more and made me feel terrible.

Why do I feel terrible now? Did I step over the line like he said? The Jewish gal was very grateful for what I'd done and gave me a big hug and a thank you before she went home, but the other two were pretty quiet on our walk back to our cars and I had the feeling they weren't very happy with me.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I really would like some feedback about this episode. You can feel free to tell me I'm an interfering fool if you want to, but really I think I did the right thing...do you?

 
LadyC
#4
I'm probably not the one to answer this, because I'd probably have done exactly the same as you did. If I were the friend standing beside you during the episode, I'm not sure if I'd have stayed silent - I have a hard time staying out of things if I think someone is being wronged. Maybe she was trying to avoid making it look like an ambush?

I've done something similar. A guy was reprimanding his girlfriend's 9 year-old daughter in front of everyone to the point that she started to cry. She's a good kid, so I quietly told him that he should be saying this privately, there was no need to humiliate her. He turned on me and said (loudly) that it had nothing to do with me, and that humiliating kids in public was a good form of discipline as they'd think twice next time. They're not even his kids!

But, like I said... I might not be the best one to answer.....

I think you did the right thing - you should be proud.
 
Rick van Opbergen
#5
I think you did the best thing. I had the same thing yesterday, but said nothing. I was with a female friend, and she talked really negative about muslims and Islam, saying "they" were taking over the country, and she wouldn't regret it when a large part of them were kicked out of the country. I tried to discuss it with her, I wasn't happy with what she said, but she's absolutely not a person you can dislike or something, she is really the nicest person I've ever met, that's why it was also so confusing. I eventually didn't say much about it, tried to divert the topic. When I thought of it later I realised I should have said to her that her remarks are just really discriminating to muslims (I'm not muslim myself by the way), but than again, I can "understand" why she looks at it this way. She is a bit religious, but this year they decided not to celebrate Christmas at her school, because a majority of its students aren't christian, a majority of that majority being muslim. At her brother's school, the same thing, a majority of the students is foreign and although they do celebrate Christmas at her brother's school, they also got a day off because of the Ramadan, and my friend didn't agree with that.
 
peapod
#6
Good for you omega. The world full of people that always try to take the joy out of everything.
 
Cosmo
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by Omega

Why do I feel terrible now? Did I step over the line like he said? The Jewish gal was very grateful for what I'd done and gave me a big hug and a thank you before she went home, but the other two were pretty quiet on our walk back to our cars and I had the feeling they weren't very happy with me.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I really would like some feedback about this episode. You can feel free to tell me I'm an interfering fool if you want to, but really I think I did the right thing...do you?

Well, Omega, I'm happy to offer you a little view of my skewed perspective of the world.

Ya done good telling the jerk where to get off. I have (finally!!) learned it is not my civic duty to tell people they are *ssholes unless they step directly into my line of fire. If they push, though, all bets are off. People play the weirdest, most cruel power games you can imagine and it seems this guy was on a roll. Step over the line?? I think a kick in the cajones may have been a bit drastic, but anything short of that seems appropriate.

My question, though, is why your friend didn't tell him herself to piss off?? If she were my friend, my concern would be her lack of ability to stand up for herself. I, personally, tend to be subtle as a chainsaw, but I do have many friends who have a sense of tact and diplomacy and do not hesitate to put it to use when they are being mentally accosted. I am working diligently on learning these skills. Not getting that far, but still, A for effort.

As for your guilt, you have the option to either carry it or to drop that particular rock. I've had some very, very hard lessons the past six months on friends and their opinions of me. Long story short, I've come to realize that other people's opinions of me are none of my business. I can't control what others think without compromising myself and my ideals. I just do what I think is right and if a "friend" can't deal with it, they are not the kind of friend I need in my world. The real friends shine through in the end and the posers stomp off in a huff. There's about 6 billion people on the planet ... the law of averages says you'll find the ones who support you if you don't fill up the spaces with the ones who bring you down.

Bottom line, in my opinion, is personal strength. Strength to stand up -- UNAPOLOGETICALLY -- for what you believe. Strength to help your friend learn to defend herself. Bad things do happen to good people but a whole lot less bad things happen to people who develop a strong sense of identity and the gumption to back it up.

I have no idea how old you are but a lot of this stuff comes with years of experience. I'm mid 40's and have decided this next half of my life belongs to me. I do what I want so long as it doesn't interfere with anyone else. I admit, though, I've always been somewhat outspoken so I did have a headstart on the whole "I am what I am" thing.

Good luck to ya!

Cosmo
 
Omega
#8
I feel much better today after a good sleep, but especially after reading all the remarks here...thank you all! I appreciate the support and your comments very much.

I think my problem is that I've always been afraid to take a stand on anything, due to life circumstances which have since changed, but the older I get (and I'm a senior now) the easier I find it to stand up for myself and others too. Then I wonder if I've gone too far and worry about it. The pendulum swings...

True, this guy wasn't my problem, but it angered me that he could get away scott free for deliberately taunting my friend and not taking her, or others, seriously when she objected. She'd talk to us later tho, it was obviously distressing to her, and we would all coach her on ways to stop him, but she obviously wasn't ready for that. She is not shy at all, but maybe she didn't want to make waves, or hadn't learned yet how to defend herself against prejudice, I don't know. I just hope he now realizes what a boor he's been and that we can all still be friends and enjoy our times together. He can be a pleasant man at times too.
 
LadyC
#9
Hi again, Omega, and welcome! Glad to see you here.

Personally, I find it easier to speak up in someone else's defence than in my own. I'm a little more vehement about it, too (That sounds much better than "rude", doesn't it?)

You did the right thing. I hope it makes a difference in the guy's attitude.
 
Omega
#10
Hi Lady,

Thanks for the welcome! I think I'm going to like it here.

One doesn't have to be rude in defending oneself or others. I wasn't rude to this man, I just told him as calmly as I could what he was doing to my friend and how she felt about it. I am glad he finally listened. I don't think he will do it again.

Today the others agreed that I did the best thing and that someone had to speak up for her.
 
Omega
#11
Hi Rick,

It is really hard to see people from other countries, with a completely different set of values, come to live in one's birthplace and then watch how quickly our own familiar customs change, or even disappear, to accommodate them.

We have that in Canada too. Many stores here no longer say "Merry Christmas" to their customers for fear of offending those who are not Christian. Instead they say "Happy Holidays". Our schools no longer say the Lord's Prayer together in the mornings for the same reasons. Even agnostics, as I am, are deeply offended by this but our feelings don't seem to matter to our politically correct officials. One doesn't have to be a Christian to enjoy Christmas.

The weird thing about this is that surveys have been taken of people from different races who now live here, and very few of them object to us celebrating our beloved cultural events and even join in on them, the same way as some Canadian-borns do of theirs.

I think that Canadians would soon settle down to enjoy the variety of races we have here and allow each culture to enjoy their own customs, if the PC idiots would just keep their noses out of it.
 
Omega
#12
and Cosmo:

You are a very wise woman for someone only in her 40s. I hadn't even realized that a power trip was being played out here, but I think you are very probably correct. Many thanks for your comments.
 
peapod
#13
This thread could also be worded "I can't get behind that"

A lovely little rap tune by william shantner and Henry Rollins
most excellent

BILL: Let's go. Ready? From the top...
BILL: My favorite shows on TV have twelve minutes of advertising. I can't get behind that kind of time!
ROLLINS: Eat quickly. Drive faster. Make more money now! I can't get behind that.
BILL: My kids say: He said to me, and I'm like... and he's like... and she's like...
ROLLINS: It's all... He's all... She's all...
BILL: I can't get behind that kind of like, English!
BILL: That'll be six to eight weeks before delivery.
ROLLINS: The rising oceans, the warming temperatures!
BILL: The dying polar bears--no, tigers--in fifty years!
ROLLINS: Rising poison in the air and water!
BILL: I can't understand why the price of gas suddenly rises when oil goes up...
ROLLINS: ...but takes months to go down long after oil falls!
BILL: I can't get behind any of that!
BILL: I can't get behind the Gods, who are more vengeful, angry, and dangerous if you don't believe in them!
ROLLINS: Why can't all these Gods just get along? I mean, they're omnipotent and omnipresent, what's the problem?
BILL: What's the problem?
BILL: What about the men who say 'Do as I do. Believe in what I say, for your own good, or I'll kill you!' I can't get behind that!
ROLLINS: I can't get behind that! Everybody knows everything about all of us!
BILL: That's too much knowledge!
BOTH: I can't get behind that!
BILL: Yeah! And what about student drivers using my streets to learn? If you learn to play the drums you got to go to a studio! Go to a parking lot, for God's sake! Why are you jeopardizing my life? I can't get behind a student driver!
ROLLINS: I can't behind a driver who drives like a student driver! If you're going to drive an urban assault vehicle then get off the phone and keep your eyes on the road!
ROLLINS: Lifetime guarantee?
BILL: Who's lifetime? Not mine! I haven't that much time left. Let's make it yours. Everybody's got a longer life than me!
BILL: The leaf blowers, is there anything more futile?
ROLLINS: Car alarms.
BILL: Clap off.
ROLLINS: Clap on.
BILL: Spam.
ROLLINS: Size matters.
BILL: No, it doesn't!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn't.
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn't!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn't! No, it doesn't!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does! Yes, it does!
BILL: My phone rings!
ROLLINS: Make millions in minutes!
BILL: It's a computer!
ROLLINS: Lose inches in hours!
BILL: Leave me the Hell alone!
ROLLINS: Eat more! Spend less!
BILL: The Colonel is breakdancing! Give me a break!
ROLLINS: Credit terms raised!
BILL: I can't get behind any of that!
BILL: I can't get behind so-called singers that can't carry a tune, get paid for talking, how easy is that? Well, maybe I could get behind that!
ROLLINS: Well, I can't! If you have to fix it with a computer: quantized, pitch corrected, and overly inspected, then you can't do it, and I can't get behind that!
BILL: I--can't--get behind--a fat ***!
ROLLINS: Yeah, Bill, can you turn around and do one more?
BILL: Always can do one more.
ROLLINS: Let's hit it!
 
Cosmo
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by Omega

and Cosmo:

You are a very wise woman for someone only in her 40s. I hadn't even realized that a power trip was being played out here, but I think you are very probably correct. Many thanks for your comments.

My most sincere apologies for assuming you were a much younger person. Here in the forum we have people of every age -- even early teens! I've found the folks here clever and well spoken so it's difficult to know one's level of life experience. Anyway, I apologise.

I'm glad to hear you've sorted it out with your friends.

One thing I did learn in dealing with people who try to play power games is if I can figure out why they are doing it, I can usually get around it more easily. I owned a client-oriented business and often encountered people who were, on the surface, highly unpleasant but once I could see what was behind it I found them much easier to deal with. Most people want approval more than anything but will settle for attention, even negative, if they can't get the approval. Personally I find this stuff fascinating. Figuring out why people do what they do is like solving puzzles.

Anyway, welcome to the forum. I'm sure you will enjoy it here!
 
peapod
#15
stop yaking, get dressed...I plan on swooping in....time for a drive around the city. :P
 
Omega
#16
Hey Cosmos,

Please don't apologize...I think it's great that people of all ages can get together here and just chat without the age thingy getting in the way.

I love the way that young people of today are able to treat those older than them as equals. There is mutual respect in that and I for one think that is wonderful.

Most seniors today are not the old fogeys of my youth, but rather just older people who enjoy meeting those of different generations, younger or older.

We have much to learn from each other, don't we.
 

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