I never said a word when my neighbour got his topsoil dropped off. When he started using it to build up his yard so it drained into my driveway I had a few things to say though. I was polite and reasonable until the slimy bastard said, "Go back in the house with your commie wife."
To my credit I never hit the fat prick with his own shovel. I might have intimated that he had sexual relations with pigs though. It was election night (he never voted, BTW) and things are blurry, but I'm pretty sure that came up.
I never meant to have his truck towed yesterday either. It was sitting on the street without plates though, and there is every chance that it was owned by crack dealers who were trying to set up shop in front of my house. The bastard is going to have some trouble when he gets back from the lake. I gave his description to the cops as the gang leader. I hope he's dead sober when he goes looking for his truck.
A little background. I had perfectly acceptable white trash neighbours for the first thirteen years I was here. We could have a beer, work on each others trucks, compare broken lawn mower tales, and maybe even ridicule the yuppie scum who built a house across the street. We drank, we smoked, we put up NDP signs every election, and nobody ever got a new tattoo without showing it to somebody.
That all changed a couple of years ago. This Darren guy moved in. We knew he was trouble when he became buds with the guy across the street, but didn't have the vindictiveness to burn him out. Since then it's been nothing but whinging. He doesn't like our cats, our dogs make too much noise, my trees block his sun light, my driveway looks like a wrecking yard, his wife is allergic to bonfire smoke, the guy who bought my MG backed across his weeds.
I've listened to it all and done my best to be quiet and friendly. When he discovered that his new furnace had a fresh air inlet by my driveway I quit parking there in the mistaken belief that he would fix the problem with his house at the first opportunity. He hasn't.
Now his basement is flooding because his weeping tiles are plugged and his solution is to drain his yard into mine. He could fix it properly, but he's fat and stupid and lazy. He thinks dirt will fix his troubles.
I get the feeling that if he gets the runs his solution will be to take a dump in my yard and blame his incontinence on the fumes from my BBQ.
I'm a peaceful guy. All I want is to left alone in an area that is something other than a slough. Next spring I'm building a huge flowerbed just this side of the property line. He thinks he has drainage problems now? Wait until his water hits two feet of pressure treated lumber and washes back through his basement window.
I've had enough. He will suffer from now on. My truck will be parked where it belongs this winter too. It will warm up there every day. I hope he chokes.