Everybody Needs a Friend

B00Mer

Keep Calm and Carry On
Sep 6, 2008
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Everybody Needs a Friend



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B00Mer

Keep Calm and Carry On
Sep 6, 2008
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Everybody doesn't need a friend. Last friend I had was back in 2006. Everybody else is either a neutral acquaintance or can go get fk'd

You married?? Isn't your wife or partner your best friend?? Or is your relationship soley based on sex?

I always thought ones partner to be your best friend, someone you share your time with, bring flowers, take to the movies, dinner or for walks.

Just say'in.

Life could get pretty lonely otherwise.
 

Praxius

Mass'Debater
Dec 18, 2007
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Halifax, NS & Melbourne, VIC
You married?? Isn't your wife or partner your best friend?? Or is your relationship soley based on sex?


Yes I am married, no, I don't consider my wife as a friend but something higher than that, and no, the relationship is not based solely on sex.

I always thought ones partner to be your best friend, someone you share your time with, bring flowers, take to the movies, dinner or for walks.
All of which I never did with any of my past friends, with the exception of sharing time with, which I do with anybody, including right now with you.

Just say'in.

Life could get pretty lonely otherwise.
Loneliness is subjective. Beyond the relationship I am in now as well as my son, I have no desire or need to be a social butterfly and seek out companionship or approval from others.


Before I got into the relationship I am in now, which neither of us were seeking (just unfolded) I was doing quite fine without the need of others. I can engage people and socialize with the best of them, but I prefer to have fewer people in my life than more.


In my early/mid 20's I had a number of so-called friends. Everybody came to my place for the weekend house parties and to have a good time because they knew I could be trusted and I kept a check on everybody's well being. Eventually like every other time, things were taken for granted and my "friends" were merely people who wanted me to do things for them, help them with their problems, fix their computers, put up with their drama, loan them this or that..... Which never was returned in kind. It all eventually led to some hefty betrayals in the end and I just had enough of it, cut everyone out of my life and went back to focusing on myself for a change.


Interestingly enough, my wife came from a similar background where all her "friends" would come to her with their problems, she'd spend her time trying to give them advice or to help them anyway she could.... That's what friends do right?


Yet when she started to need some help from her friends, and when things started to get rough for her, suddenly they couldn't deal with her "baggage" or "drama" of having family members passing away and being murdered (as if their everyday qualms with another friend were so much more important) and left.


"Friends" generally end up being people who only want you around when it is convenient for their needs, but not the other way around.


There are of course rare exceptions, but for me, all I need is family.


My family, her family and our family we started.
 

Nuggler

kind and gentle
Feb 27, 2006
11,596
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Backwater, Ontario.
:3some:Yah, you say that now.........but if you went blind, wouldn't you like someone to put a rope around your neck, and jerk it if you were going to walk into a tree, say ? Wouldn't that person be your friend.? :roll:

Or it's Christmas, and some dick gave you a book, not even a book you'd particularly like,,,,,,,,,,,,,if, you could see it. But your neck/rope/buddy is there to read it to you.

Fukk, life would be wunnerful IF you had a fren.

I get it about the dogs, but I could learn braille, get talking books, take my cane, and go for walks.............alone..........tune my instruments by ear, and maybe practice more, which I should be doing anyway.

My wife and family would be there for me as I would/have always been, for them.
 

gerryh

Time Out
Nov 21, 2004
25,756
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In my early/mid 20's I had a number of so-called friends. Everybody came to my place for the weekend house parties and to have a good time because they knew I could be trusted and I kept a check on everybody's well being. Eventually like every other time, things were taken for granted and my "friends" were merely people who wanted me to do things for them, help them with their problems, fix their computers, put up with their drama, loan them this or that..... Which never was returned in kind. It all eventually led to some hefty betrayals in the end and I just had enough of it, cut everyone out of my life and went back to focusing on myself for a change.

.




The part in red was/is the problem. Expecting something in return. I don't expect anything in return from my friends.
 

Praxius

Mass'Debater
Dec 18, 2007
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Well /praxius I concider my wife/ex-wife as my best friend, someone to share time with and my life..

But now that you stated you consider your wife more than a friend, what would that "Friendship" be called?

Yeah, dancing around the word "Friend" or "Friendship" trying to rename Friends with an emotion.

Of course one loves their partner, that is an emotion, but your relationship with your partner is a Friendship, or Best Friends.

You keep dancing around the word...

The Word is "Marriage"

The part in red was/is the problem. Expecting something in return. I don't expect anything in return from my friends.

I deal with my own problems myself without requesting help from others. I was raised by my parents to be independent.... yet, you contradict yourself.

Most would consider a friend as someone who would be there for you when you need it, regardless if you ask for that help or if they offer that help.

The "Problem" is that my so-called friends were my friends because they expected me to help them when they needed it because that's the kind of person I am, yet turned tail or just suddenly become unavailable when you need some sort of help and don't offer any help at all. In some cases, they took advantage of that time when I needed help in order to make the situation worse.

Now tell me... does that sound like a friend?

If it does, then my point remains the same and Friends are not necessary.

If you can't expect friends to be there when you need them, then why are they friends in the first place?

Do you have these "Friends" of yours in your life for the simple reason of being afraid of being alone and simply just happy to have people to hang out with and talk to regardless of how they treat you or ignore you in every other situation??

The fact is, you may think you don't expect anything from your friends, but in reality, you do.... you expect to get something out of having them as your friend, otherwise why have them as a friend?

What's the point?

Why are they your friends??

They're your friends because you enjoy their company and have some things in common?

Then you expect your friends to have things in common with you and expect them to talk with you about those things you have in common. You expect to experience those common interests together, correct?

No??

So what, you have several dozen people you call friends whom you never really talk to or really hang out with & have very little in common..... yet they're still friends?

Sounds like a Facebook account to me. At one time on my Facebook account I had just under 300 "Friends" however 98% of those "Friends" were in fact people I simply knew, whom I worked with, went to school with, or knew in my neighborhood over the years, while the remainder were family members.

Are they really "Friends?"

Not really. I have very little in common with any of them and 99.5% of the people on my Facebook account are people whom I haven't seen in years, let alone even posted on their wall (or them post on mine).

I eventually cleaned up my account down to about 114 "Friends" but even still, they're still not really friends.... they're people I knew.

So what's the difference between those "Friends" and your hypothetical "Friends" who you don't have anything in common with and hardly every speak to?

Oh you do have things in common with them and you do often speak with them and hang out with them??

Then there's your expectations.
 
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gerryh

Time Out
Nov 21, 2004
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The Word is "Marriage"


and the person that you "married" should be your BFF, because if they aren't, then that "marriage" is temporary at best.


I deal with my own problems myself without requesting help from others. I was raised by my parents to be independent.... yet, you contradict yourself.


Good for you, except, it's you that is contradicting yourself. What was the reason you dumped your "friends"? Oh ya, because they didn't help you when you needed it. Interesting.




Most would consider a friend as someone who would be there for you when you need it, regardless if you ask for that help or if they offer that help.

The "Problem" is that my so-called friends were my friends because they expected me to help them when they needed it because that's the kind of person I am, yet turned tail or just suddenly become unavailable when you need some sort of help and don't offer any help at all. In some cases, they took advantage of that time when I needed help in order to make the situation worse.

Now tell me... does that sound like a friend?




and there it is.




If it does, then my point remains the same and Friends are not necessary.

If you can't expect friends to be there when you need them, then why are they friends in the first place?

Do you have these "Friends" of yours in your life for the simple reason of being afraid of being alone and simply just happy to have people to hang out with and talk to regardless of how they treat you or ignore you in every other situation??

The fact is, you may think you don't expect anything from your friends, but in reality, you do.... you expect to get something out of having them as your friend, otherwise why have them as a friend?

What's the point?

Why are they your friends??




Nope, I don't. .. and they are my friends because I choose to have them as friends.






I'm sure you feel that way, how very shallow of you. That is not surprising though, considering how this thread turned out.
 

Praxius

Mass'Debater
Dec 18, 2007
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and the person that you "married" should be your BFF, because if they aren't, then that "marriage" is temporary at best.

If you say so.

My wife is several levels above a mere friend. I have had a couple of Best Friends in the past and she's still above those.

If you consider your spouse as just a Best Friend (Forever) and only slightly above a regular friend, it is not I who has to worry about the longevity of my marriage and it would seem that you have no understanding of what a marriage is.

That's right, I can get just as personal if you want to go down that road.

Good for you, except, it's you that is contradicting yourself. What was the reason you dumped your "friends"? Oh ya, because they didn't help you when you needed it. Interesting.

If you actually read beyond the one part you cling on to so dearly, you'd have known that there was a lot more involved than just that.... but as you're not even close to being a friend of mine, you don't deserve the finer details of what was involved and thus, you'll only have a limited perspective of something you know nothing about.... therefore, your opinion to me and how I dealt with my "Friends" means jack sh*t.

and there it is.

Didn't answer the question did you?

How interesting.

Nope, I don't. .. and they are my friends because I choose to have them as friends.

Why?

Very simple question..... Why do you choose to have them as friends?

Why are they your friends and yet others in the world are not?

What makes them more special than anybody else??

A very simple thing to explain, yet you don't.

I'm sure you feel that way, how very shallow of you. That is not surprising though, considering how this thread turned out.

And how did it turn out?

You wanted some lovey dovey thread about how great and wonderful "Friends" are and to spread the good word, expecting everybody else in the world to have the exact same opinion and agree with you so you can be friends with them too?

Guess what?

This thread was created in a forum where all members have some very different opinions and experiences and are not afraid to express them.

A lot of things don't happen as you would expect them to, get over it.

But never mind.... I forgot I'm the shallow one, despite me seeing my wife as something greater than just a friend, while you think of your spouse as some BFF.... such a teenager mentality. Now that's shallow.

Funny thing is that the questions you presented to me, I answered honestly, yet the questions I presented to you, despite being very simple questions to answer, you avoided to answer because you know any answer you provide will only prove my previous points.

Either that or you're just buying yourself enough time to think of something witty to reply back with in order to save face. If that's the case, then I am overly interested to see what you come up with.

By the way:

You may have noticed by now that I don't come into these forums to make.... "Friends."

I am the proverbial "P*ss in the Cornflakes."
 
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eh1eh

Blah Blah Blah
Aug 31, 2006
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Under a Lone Palm
It's all semantics really but there is a distinct difference between a friend and someone you are married to.
The difference is the commitment to treat the person as family. Sometimes called unconditional love.
 

B00Mer

Keep Calm and Carry On
Sep 6, 2008
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and the person that you "married" should be your BFF, because if they aren't, then that "marriage" is temporary at best.

No worries gerryh, Praxius, even if wrong will fight to the end and twist everything around in the grey areas.. to look right..

You know the type.. and in the end rather sling insults.

I can see why he has no friends..

Everybody doesn't need a friend. Last friend I had was back in 2006. Everybody else is either a neutral acquaintance or can go get fk'd

Interesting article.

One in 10 do not have a close friend and even more feel unloved, survey finds | Life and style | The Guardian
 

SLM

The Velvet Hammer
Mar 5, 2011
29,151
3
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London, Ontario
It's all semantics really but there is a distinct difference between a friend and someone you are married to.
The difference is the commitment to treat the person as family. Sometimes called unconditional love.

Have to just say, someone I consider a true friend, I mean a really true friend, is as family and I pretty much do love them unconditionally. But maybe that's just me.

And no, I can't conceive of sharing my life with someone who isn't all that wrapped up into one.
 

Praxius

Mass'Debater
Dec 18, 2007
10,609
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Halifax, NS & Melbourne, VIC
No worries gerryh, Praxius, even if wrong will fight to the end and twist everything around in the grey areas.. to look right..

I haven't twisted anything and in fact stated my position very clearly and as straight forward as anyone can get.

A marriage is meant to be something far more special and far more important than a friendship, which is why one is typically meant to only have one spouse (in the common form of marriage which is accepted) because it is meant to be a unique relationship beyond mere friendship.

And yet neither of you two have even bothered to openly accept this fact and keep focusing on a marriage as being not much more than a friendship with someone.

Now exactly how is that me "Twisting" things?

Exactly how is any of the above or any of my other statements in the "Grey Area?"

By all means, enlighten me.


You know the type.. and in the end rather sling insults.
Show me the insults.

I can see why he has no friends..
I can too.

Here's some inspiration since you all seem to long for acceptance and moral support:


But keep on deflecting and twisting your own positions while not answering any questions presented to you. It's pretty hypocritical but I understand.

Study by relationship counsellor Relate finds a divided nation with many left without vital support of friends and family

Well I have support from family, which is far more reliable and trustworthy than friends.

One in 10 people questioned said they did not have a close friend, amounting to an estimated 4.7 million people in the UK may be leading a very lonely existence.

"May be leading a very lonely existence."

Sounds more like an assumption to me.

I haven't had a "Close Friend" for almost a decade now and even before my current relationship, I did not feel lonely. I'm actually quite satisfied and happy with my current life and doing quite well with having family members and every day acquaintances.

"Whilst there is much to celebrate, the results around how close we feel to others are very concerning. There is a significant minority of people who claim to have no close friends, or who never or rarely feel loved – something which is unimaginable to many of us," said Sutherland.

"Relationships are the asset which can get us through good times and bad, and it is worrying to think that there are people who feel they have no one they can turn to during life's challenges. We know that strong relationships are vital for both individuals and society as a whole, so investing in them is crucial."


I suppose that depends on how needy a person is and how much they depend on acceptance from others as well as their approval to feel they are worth something.

Some people have no friends due to many things even when they desire friends, thus have a tendency of feeling lonely and sad, yet what this odd little study, Sutherland and obviously others in these forums don't seem to be able to grasp is that some people choose not to have any close friends (People who are not close friends are by definition aquantences)

The above "study" certainly doesn't relate to me or my situation, and what is more interesting is how this study seems to focus more on those who do have close friends and marriages than it does towards people who are single.

What's more:
The survey, The Way We Are Now 2014, showed that while four out of five people said they had a good relationship with their partner, far fewer were happy with their sex lives. One in four people admitted to being dissatisfied with their sex life, and one in four also admitted to having an affair.

Interestingly the majority of these people say they have a good relationship with their partner and at the same time are not happy with their sex lives and acknowledged that they have cheated on the same partners they claim they're happy with.

Sounds like more people who don't seem to understand what a marriage is and treats it more like a friendship.


This perhaps is a bit more relevant:
23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert

#1 - Annoying Time Waster for me
#2 - Agreed
#3 - Pretty much
#4 - I crave authenticity in my interactions
#5 - Yup, as my posts clearly show
#6 - Agreed, which is why when I used to goto the bar with my friends, I'd decide to leave an hour later and walk home because I lose focus and can't hold a conversation over the loud noises.
#7 - Agreed, I prefer my down time
#8 - Seems to fit my personality, though I still do just fine in both situations.
#9 - Well I prefer the back of the transit but prefer the best visual & audio location in a theatre, the middle/slightly to the middle/rear.
#10 - Interesting, I suppose so.
#11 - Not sure.
#12 - Not quite, though I suppose it depends on what
#13 - Doesn't phase me
#14 - Doesn't phase me, though sometimes I'm just not in the mood and won't answer
#15 - Yeah that's me
#16 - I suppose but the delay is almost non-existent
#17 - BP is always text book
#18 - I believe so
#19 - Depends on the environment. I get pleasure from natural environments more than say a party or concert loaded with people.
#20 - I guess that would be true of me
#21 - Yup
#22 - I suppose my posts in here prove that
#23 - Agreed

So for the most part, I would be classified as an Introvert & have situated my life with enough balance of social interaction with others and time for myself that I do not require Close Friends or even a Best Friend.

I am perfect happy balancing my time between my wife, child, my family, her family, co-workers and the occasional person encountered through life that I do not require "Friends" and I certainly do not feel "Lonely."

So to sum up without any twists or grey areas, I don't need "Friends"
 
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