Oct. Humour

Member of Parliament, was looking for a call girl. He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. To the blonde he said,'I am the Member of Parliament of Canada . Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?' She replied, $200. To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was $100. He then asked the redhead. Her reply was, ‘Well Sir, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of gas, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you have retirees, then it isn't going to cost you a damn cent!'

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be out-done by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.

One week later, a local newspaper in Texas , reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his 2000 acre pasture near Cut-n-Shoot, Montgomery County , Texas , Bubba Rathbone, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless."
Thank God for Bubba.
TEXANS are such an intelligent bunch...

Blonde



A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN

ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS

SECTION AND SITS DOWN.


THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS

TO SEE HER TICKET.


SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY

CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.


THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M

GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."


THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS

THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE

BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN

ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.


THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO

EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY

SHE W ILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.


THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M

GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."


THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD

HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST

THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.



THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL

HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."


HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,

AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES

BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..


THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND

ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT

ANY FUSS.



"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO ".

Oneday, a long, long time ago, there lived a womanwho did not whine, nag, or bitch...

But that was a long time ago and it was just that one day.

The End

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be out-done by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.

One week later, a local newspaper in Texas , reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his 2000 acre pasture near Cut-n-Shoot, Montgomery County , Texas , Bubba Rathbone, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless."
Thank God for Bubba.
TEXANS are such an intelligent bunch...

On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon, Dave stood on the first tee
at his country club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young
woman in a wedding gown came running up to him, crying.

"You bastard!" she screamed in his face. "You lousy no-good rotten
son of a bitch!"

"What's your problem Sherry ?" he calmly replied. "I distinctly told
you only if it rained."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tourist from France goes on his first overseas trip. Upon
arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application.

The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist
trying to write, 'Twice a week' into the small space labelled, 'SEX'.

The official explains, "No, no, no. That is not what we mean
by this question. We want to know either 'Male' or 'Female'."

"Doesn't matter," answers the Frenchman

Texas police officer

A Texas police officer was patrolling very late at night in a
well-known lovers' spot.

He sees a couple in a car with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?'

The cop says: 'What are you doing?'

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'

Pointing towards the young woman in the back, seat the cop says, 'And her? What is she doing?'

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane, and nothing is happening!

The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

The young man says, 'I'm 22, sir.'

The cop asks, 'And her? What's her age?'

The young man looks at his watch and replies, 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.

Scotch with
two drops of water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would
like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two
drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to
buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with
two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why
the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how
to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is something else.'




'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'


'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.


'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police



'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
means you don't need to take any fibre today.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
in the parking lot.


'OLD'IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
to use the bathroom.

WE are gracefully looking at least 10 years younger than our ages-

The few hair line wrinkles and gray hairs are understandable-
it's been one heck of a ride!

Aging gracefully


A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication you
Prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her .

There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.'

*********************************

An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best
And just remember, if it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother is going to come and
Live with you and your wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.

---------------------------------

The older we get, the fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.

---------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved.

********************
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.

-------------------------------

One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.

<><><><><><><><><>

Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.

<><><><><><><><><>

First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
You forget to pull it down.

---------------------------------

Long ago when men cursed
And beat the ground with sticks,
It was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.


*********************
Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder,
And Your hand over my mouth!

.A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8.. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos (on a stick). What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Hubby and the little wife are shopping across the river. He picks up a case of Coors Lite and sticks it into the buggy ....

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he says

'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later she picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the buggy.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband, 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.

'SO DOES A CASE OF BEER AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE'

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: !

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is ... . . not piddling in your pants.



Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.


Have a wonderful day with many ! *smiles*


Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short
Dance naked. woo-hoo!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.


Probably wasn't the same elephant.

THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one....

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?
A. None of them can play hockey.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.

How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.

What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows ... And we may never find out.

This guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, dogs wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but it's not very busy right now, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The guy agrees, and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Leafs manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five.

The bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game ?"

The guys answers, "No Idea, I've only had him for 3 years."

The last time the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.
Coincidentally, the next time they win it those same fans will be back in diapers again!

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."

He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "Around 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, fast cars, baseball, supermodels, favourite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?”


The man replies, "Duuuh, 50, I think."

And the robot says... real slowly. "So...............you gon-na cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs a-gain this year?"

I'm reading your jokes.

From the Gospel according to Saint Miles, Ground Pounder.
>
> In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and the
> Infantry.
>
> And God looked upon the Infantry, saw that it was good, and said unto
> them "Thou art my chosen children. Take thou dominion over the Earth;
> over the fish of the Sea, the birds of the Air, and all of the Key
> Terrain".
>
> And as a mark of His favor the Lord placed in the hands of the
> Infantry the sacred relics: the Apostolic Anti-Armor Weapon, the
> Catholic Claymore, and the Marian Machine Gun.
> Likewise gaveth the Lord unto the Infantry the Rucksack of Repentance,
> the Radio of Redemption, the Rifle of Rectitude. Lastly, unto the
> Infantry, and most divine of all, the Lord gaveth the Holy Hand
> Grenade.
>
> For the Infantry's sustenance the Lord declared "Four shall be thy
> food groups: Coffee, Tobacco, IMP's, and Alcohol. Shun all other
> unclean food and drink."
> And the Infantry dwelt in the land therein.
>
> And time passed, and the Infantry cried out unto their God saying
> "Lord, help us, for we are weary."
>
> And God smiled upon the Infantry, for they were blessed. Then the Lord
> took the fattest and laziest of the Infantry and set them upon beasts
> of burden. And these He called Cavalry. And as the Cavalry became
> fatter, lazier and heavier still they were known as the Armoured
> Corps.
> And the Lord looked down upon the Armour and saw that it was mediocre.
>
> The Lord then said "Oh, well. Thou canst not win them all. Let them
> lead in case of landmines."
>
> To the Armoured the Lord said "Hot dogs shall be thy food, and gravy
> thy drink. Touch not the sacred grub of the Infantry, save the coffee
> of Tim Horton's, which is my gift to all my children."
> And the Infantry and the Armour dwelt in the land therein.
> And time passed and the Infantry cried out again unto their Lord
> saying
> "Lord help us, for we are weary."
>
> And God smiled again upon the Infantry, for they were his chosen. Then
> God took those of the Armour with butts like baseplates and breath
> like sulfur and tiny, tiny pee-pees and these He made Artillery. But
> God saw that the Artillery, too, was mediocre and said unto Himself,
> "Oh well, garbage in; garbage out."
>
> Unto the Artillery He said "The big guns shall atone in part for thy
> diminutive other stature. Tryest thou not to hurt thyselves." To the
> Infantry the Lord said "When the night is darkest these shall light
> the way...more or less. When the approach is most open these shall,
> occasionally - with luck, confound the enemy's sight.
> When thou callest for fire support these shall - eventually - provide
> it with high explosive, cluster munitions and, best of all, willie
> pete."
> Though the Lord cautioned the Infantry to never, never, never trust
> Tacfire or any other electronic computer in the hands of the
> Artillery.
> And the Infantry, the Armour, and the Artillery dwelt in the land
> therein. Then the Artillery created the Air Defence Artillery; but
> quickly asked forgiveness.
>
> And time passed and the Infantry called out yet again unto their God,
> saying
> "Lord help us, for we are weary."
>
> Again the Lord looked with favour upon the Infantry. He took those of
> the Armour, Artillery and Air Defence Artillery who most liked to play
> in the mud and these he made Combat Engineers, and those who dwelt in
> darkness and spoke in riddles and these he made Military Intelligence,
> and those with thieving hearts and these He made Quartermasters. Of
> those who liked to tinker with good equipment until it broke He made
> the Service Battalion. and of those who neither sowed nor reaped and
> were most fond of hammering square pegs into round holes He made
> National Support Element.
>
> Of those whose penchant was poison He made Cooks. Of those who ran
> around in circles He made the MSE Ops. Of the least articulate He made
> Signallers. Of the mindlessly doctrinaire and arrogant He -
> reluctantly - created Military Police (though the Lord admitted, to
> Himself, that He was probably only providing employment opportunities
> to Satan's minions). Of those who dealt in controlled substances He
> made the Medics and of those whose minds had been destroyed by the
> same made He the Chiefs of Land Staff.
>
> Yea, the Lord of All filled up the Order of Battle.
>
> And the Infantry, and the others, dwelt in the land therein.
> Time passed, but yet, again, the Infantry cried out unto their God,
> saying,
> "Lord, help us, for we are weary."
>
> And the Heavens darkened, and the clouds gathered. The lightnings
> spake and the Infantry abased themselves before their God, for they
> were sore afraid.
>
> And the Lord spoke with anger, asking "How canst thou yet be weary?
> Have I not made the Armour and the Artillery to support thee? Have I
> not made of the detritus of the Earth Quartermasters and Service
> Battalion and Siggies and Transport and a host of others to assist
> thee? Verily, have I not even made Military Intelligence, although it
> were a contradiction in terms?"
> Humbly the Infantry abased themselves again before their God, crying,
>
> "Lord, it is of these that we are weary."

When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted he join the Army.
At the physical, the Doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the eye chart across the room.
''What chart doc? 'The young man asked. 'The one on the wall! 'The doctor said.
'What wall?' said the young man.
Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, and wanting to fill the quota, the doctor asked his nurse to strip down and walk into the exam room naked.

'Now what do you see son? Doc, I can't see a thing, I'm as blind as a bat.

'Well, you may not see anything,' the doctor said, but your dick is pointing straight towards CFB Petawawa 'Welcome to the "Royal Canadian Regiment".

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'

'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist,
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '

'I'm 96' said the old man.
'I don't want an erection , I just want it sticking out far enough
so I don't piss on my slippers.'

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumor.

In ancientGreece(469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard aboutone of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certainit's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you
want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.