The Post Office job interview

The Post Office job interview

Nuggler

#1Feb 9th, 2009

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"

He says "Yes, just caffeine."

"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment
here.", and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean
off."

The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan
on starting at 10am every day. Don't worry, we'll still pay you from 8am."

The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you
want me to be here before 10am?"

"'This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours
we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."

Goober

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 9th, 2009

Thought this was a good story:
A young Canadian soldier was attending some college courses between assignments.
He had also completed missions in Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He Looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the young soldier got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The young man went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

Came the reply,
"God was too busy today protecting our soldiers who are protecting your right to talk stupid and act like an asshole. So, He sent me"

Goober

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 9th, 2009

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

SirJosephPorter

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 9th, 2009

I remember a joke about post office workers from ‘Married With Children.’

Al: “Where is my gun, Peg?”

Peggy: “Oh, I gave it to a post office worker. The poor dear had just lost his job, I thought it would cheer him up.”

Goober

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 9th, 2009

True story – From the outback of NB many many years ago - at a time when every small town had a train stop, bus station and post office

This young fellow, about 10 or 12, from a family that liked each other way to much – get the drift – Appalachian style – aka love in the family

Well one day he walks into the local post office and states to the Post Master
“Ya have a letter for me”?
The Post Master somewhat confused and aware of the family’s genealogy asked the young man for his name?
The young man stated in a clear and loud voice “Be on the letter now wouldn’t it”

So when I receive one of those notes from Canada Post that I have a parcel for pick up – I go down and I state the same thing – You have a parcel for me – they ask my name – and me I state – Be on the parcel now wouldn’t it –
Well the young people working these jobs are absolutely dumbfounded while older people in line laugh like hell.

Try it some time -

Diarygirl

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 9th, 2009

Quote: Originally Posted by Goober

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

Ha...ha....ha!! Great one Goober!

Cannuck

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 9th, 2009

A Daughters Letter

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Diarygirl

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 10th, 2009

Quote: Originally Posted by Cannuck

A Daughters Letter
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom,...
Quote has been trimmed, See full post:

Yes there's always somethings that can be worse in life....must have been a jolt to wake Mom up first!

JLM

Re: The Post Office job interview

Feb 10th, 2009

Quote: Originally Posted by Nuggler

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"

He says "Yes, just caffeine."

"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment
here.", and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean
off."

The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan
on starting at 10am every day. Don't worry, we'll still pay you from 8am."

The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you
want me to be here before 10am?"

"'This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours
we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."

The Joneses have brand new baby boy, beautiful little tyke, but unfortunately born without ears. The Smiths who live next door and have a 5 year old obstreperous son, Johnny, have been invited over to see the new baby. Mrs. Smith tells the young lad that the baby has no ears but if you say one word about his lack of ears you will get the soundest thrashing you've ever had...............NOT ONE WORD. So over they go and of course Johnny right off the bat remarks what a cute little baby they have........and after a moments thought asks "how is the little guys eyesight?" Mrs. Jones, kind of puzzled says his eyesight is 20/20. Oh, Good, Johnny says, he sure wouldn't be able to wear glasses.

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