#1Apr 1st, 2007
Stephen Harper promised to replace the failed federal gun registry with a new and less expensive coat hanger registry if his party is successful in forming the next government in Canada.
During a news briefing broadcast on all the major Canadian news networks, Harper told reporters that once his government makes changes to the Canadian Charter of Rights, "eliminating a woman's right to choose abortion", the "coat hanger" will become the single most "dangerous" threat to human life in the country.
Although Harper was sketchy on details pertaining to how the new coat hanger registry would work, he did hint at the possibility of using the number tags dry cleaners attach to the clothing as a starting point.
The move has infuriated women's rights groups from coast to coast to coast, however, the news of an even bigger backlash from rural Canadians took Harper and the Conservative Party by surprise.
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Teddy Long, from Southern Alberta said he wouldn't be registering his coat hangers, and described Harper as having a "screw loose".
"Everyone knows we rural Albertans are law abiding citizens and we ain't got no plan to register our coat hangers, no way no how", said Long. "We depend on our coat hangers to unlock our vehicles when we lock our keys inside by mistake, and to suggest we're a bunch of criminals who use our coat hangers for any other reason is just plain egregious".
Asked where Long learned to use the word "egregious", Long told the DH that it was the word his doctor used the last time he had to get his hemorrhoids treated.