Is infidelity immoral?

[ansutherland]

Assuming one is to commit an act of infidelity and they were to ensure no transmission of STD's or extramarital pregnancies, what is morally wrong with it? Isn't it just like any other form of deceit? Assuming no one knows and no harm (STD's or pregnancies) is done, how is it any different than any other form of lying? One could argue that lying is immoral, but is it really? Can you be so absolute about lying?

I ask this not to imply that I engage in this behaviour, but because if you are one who believes in the relativistic nature of morality, you would likely have a hard time supporting the claim that it's the ultimate marital sin.

 

[Colpy]

Yes

That's why they call it infidelity.

(insert rolled eyes here)

 

[karrie]

Beating your spouse is the ultimate in marital sin. Infidelity is a close second. Morality is not relativistic, it applies to behaviours which possess the ability to injure. Aside from beating your wife, the best way to hurt her is to break your marriage vows and sleep with another woman. And the same goes for women hurting their spouses. Knowing that it bears the ability to cause immense emotional pain (and it pretty much always does get found out), it is immoral, nothing relativistic about it.

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

Assuming one is to commit an act of infidelity and they were to ensure no transmission of STD's or extramarital pregnancies, what is morally wrong with it? Isn't it just like any other form of deceit? Assuming no one knows and no harm (STD's or pregnancies) is done, how is it any different than any other form of lying? One could argue that lying is immoral, but is it really? Can you be so absolute about lying?

I ask this not to imply that I engage in this behaviour, but because if you are one who believes in the relativistic nature of morality, you would likely have a hard time supporting the claim that it's the ultimate marital sin.

I think Karrie pretty much addressed the marital side. Lying is immoral if the intent is to deceive or manipulate. Generally only people with defective personalities see lying as an acceptable trait. Sociopaths, addicts, thieves all use lying to achieve some aim or another that is usually a benefit to no one but them.

 

[Nuggler]

8ONeed you ask!!??

The father of the late JC said it was a bad thing to do.

People have been stoned who did it.

People have got stoned and done it.

We each, in finality, decide on our own moral code.

Still, if you promised to be faithful, and did it, makes you a fukkin deceitful, scum sukkin, douche bag..........regardless of morality.

:glasses7just sayin)

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

If it is an acceptable course of action to lie, then it must be acceptable to rape, or to steal, or to kill, all to achieve that which we want.

Society sets a moral code with laws and many of those laws have been based on religion, believer or non-believer doesn't come into it.

JC's Dad might have said it was bad, but then we all have free will.

 

[ansutherland]

Beating your spouse is the ultimate in marital sin. Infidelity is a close second. Morality is not relativistic, it applies to behaviours which possess the ability to injure. Aside from beating your wife, the best way to hurt her is to break your marriage vows and sleep with another woman. And the same goes for women hurting their spouses. Knowing that it bears the ability to cause immense emotional pain (and it pretty much always does get found out), it is immoral, nothing relativistic about it.

Though I see your point, I do not think it holds up. We could think of any number of things that may cause emotional pain to someone that we would not take seriously nor consider immoral. Beating your wife for sport is far different in terms of the level to which you are directly responsible as compared to something that would cause her emotion pain if, and only if, she were to find out. With regards to the relativistic nature of morals, what if the marriage vow was to never eat before she ate? Would this seem reasonable? You may agree to it, and would likely break your vow at some point, but should you feel bad? Though it caused her great emotional anguish, her request was unfair to begin with.

Though it may cause someone emotional harm to inform them that their friend/brother/sister/mother/father is a horrible person, to put that solely on the bearer of the news is not fair as the person accepting the news should act as objectively as possible. The fact that most people agree that it is immoral is not necessarily evidence for it being true and the fact that most people have such a visceral response to it shows the inability of most to deal with it objectively. Thus, it's lack of acceptance is, in our modern world, perhaps rather irrational.

If it is an acceptable course of action to lie, then it must be acceptable to rape, or to steal, or to kill, all to achieve that which we want.

Society sets a moral code with laws and many of those laws have been based on religion, believer or non-believer doesn't come into it.

JC's Dad might have said it was bad, but then we all have free will.

It's almost obscene of you to suggest that lying in this context is analogous to rape and murder. Distinguish for me how lying is in any way like rape and murder. You have lied many times in your day.....to suggest otherwise would be a total lie.....I hope we can say you have not yet taken up murder and rape.

 

[karrie]

What matters is that you follow the agreements made with your spouse. If you find a spouse who also feels fidelity is not necessary, then you'd have a point. But, so long as your spouse expects fidelity, behaving otherwise is immoral. Nothing relativistic about it.

 

[TenPenny]

With regards to the relativistic nature of morals, what if the marriage vow was to never eat before she ate? Would this seem reasonable? You may agree to it, and would likely break your vow at some point, but should you feel bad? Though it caused her great emotional anguish, her request was unfair to begin with.

You should never make a promise that you don't intend to keep. If you do, your words are meaningless and worthless.

 

[ansutherland]

8ONeed you ask!!??

The father of the late JC said it was a bad thing to do.

People have been stoned who did it.

People have got stoned and done it.

We each, in finality, decide on our own moral code.

Still, if you promised to be faithful, and did it, makes you a fukkin deceitful, scum sukkin, douche bag..........regardless of morality.

:glasses7just sayin)

By JC I am assuming Jesus? Lets not get into the immorality of religion. Christopher Hitchens has done plenty to show the absurdity of religion being moral. Further to that, people have been stoned to death for all sorts of minor things in some parts of the world.

 

[TenPenny]

JC = Johnny Cash.

 

[ansutherland]

What matters is that you follow the agreements made with your spouse. If you find a spouse who also feels fidelity is not necessary, then you'd have a point. But, so long as your spouse expects fidelity, behaving otherwise is immoral. Nothing relativistic about it.

And if your spouse expects that in the presence of other men you cover your body head to toe? If he expects you to walk no more or less that 10 paces behind him? If he expects you to not be in the company of any other men other than him and those closely related? If it is custom for him to seek extramarital exchanges yet not ok for her? And the punishment for disobedience is surely worse that a good tongue lashing.

 

[TenPenny]

And if your spouse expects that in the presence of other men you cover your body head to toe? If he expects you to walk no more or less that 10 paces behind him? If he expects you to not be in the company of any other men other than him and those closely related? If it is custom for him to seek extramarital exchanges yet not ok for her? And the punishment for disobedience is surely worse that a good tongue lashing.

Did you agree to that? If so, it's not only your husband that needs a headshake.

 

[lone wolf]

It a breach of trust immoral?

 

[ansutherland]

Did you agree to that? If so, it's not only your husband that needs a headshake.

I don't agree at all with that, I am merely pointing out that just because you agree to it im marriage does not mean it is immoral to break the agreement.

It a breach of trust immoral?

Not always.

 

[lone wolf]

If you can live with it, why bother asking them?

 

[ansutherland]

It a breach of trust immoral?

If you trust someone to do something that is unrealistic and they breach that trust, perhaps you should have known better. If it is human nature to cheat, and I think you'd be hard pressed to find a credible biologist who disagrees, then is it not unrealistic to some extent to expect that they would be eternally faithful?

 

[karrie]

And if your spouse expects that in the presence of other men you cover your body head to toe? If he expects you to walk no more or less that 10 paces behind him? If he expects you to not be in the company of any other men other than him and those closely related? If it is custom for him to seek extramarital exchanges yet not ok for her? And the punishment for disobedience is surely worse that a good tongue lashing.

I wouldn't agree to those, so my husband wouldn't have those expectations. As for changing expectations, that's a broader issue. If you're talking about wanting to change the idea that society holds regarding fidelity, that's one thing. But on a personal level, it is still immoral. And you're talking to someone whose marriage doesn't have an expectation of monogamy.

 

[TenPenny]

I don't agree at all with that, I am merely pointing out that just because you agree to it im marriage does not mean it is immoral to break the agreement.

I know I wasn't clear, I didn't mean 'you' specifically.

I mean that you shouldn't make promises you don't intend to keep.

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

It's almost obscene of you to suggest that lying in this context is analogous to rape and murder. Distinguish for me how lying is in any way like rape and murder. You have lied many times in your day.....to suggest otherwise would be a total lie.....I hope we can say you have not yet taken up murder and rape.

I'm not saying that lying is as bad as rape and murder, I am saying that if we are callous enough to lie for our gain or self centered enough to deceive those that we say we care about then why would there be a boundary for rape and murder. Yes I have lied in my life and no I've never raped or murdered, but I do think that lying is that first line we cross. I always knew that a deceitful lie was immoral and as a result I felt guilt as a result. If I did not, I might be apt to commit a more heinous act.

Generally I try to be as honest as possible unless I am trying to spare someones feelings being hurt.