Clever Clogs
Posts: 548 
Location: Kamloops, BC
Location: Kamloops, BC
March 18th, 2003, 03:08 AM
Found this on another forum (thanks Shadow) thought everyone would enjoy it and maybe get their minds off of other things, check it out...
http://www.deluxeportal.com/thread.php?id=598
Found this on another forum (thanks Shadow) thought everyone would enjoy it and maybe get their minds off of other things, check it out...
http://www.deluxeportal.com/thread.php?id=598
Genius
Posts: 783
March 18th, 2003, 11:35 AM
Here we are
Gallic Wars
-Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French -history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War
-Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates -The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when -not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
Italian Wars
-Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when -fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. -Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring
-her
War of Revolution
-Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War
-Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
-Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the -world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession
-Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which -they have loved every since.
American Revolution
-In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a -win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known -as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; -"France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution
-Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars
-Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a -Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War
-Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home -alone on a Saturday night.
World War I
-Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. -Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a -winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of -condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French -bloodline.
World War II
-Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they -finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina
-Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim -force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We -can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the -Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and -Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism
-France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims -just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he -takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you." [/b]
Here we are
Gallic Wars
-Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French -history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War
-Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates -The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when -not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
Italian Wars
-Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when -fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. -Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring
-her
War of Revolution
-Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War
-Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
-Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the -world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession
-Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which -they have loved every since.
American Revolution
-In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a -win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known -as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; -"France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution
-Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars
-Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a -Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War
-Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home -alone on a Saturday night.
World War I
-Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. -Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a -winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of -condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French -bloodline.
World War II
-Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they -finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina
-Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim -force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We -can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the -Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and -Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism
-France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims -just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he -takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you." [/b]
Genius
Posts: 783
March 18th, 2003, 11:37 AM
I just wanted to say, even though I posted it, I think the Americans are just pissed they have little support on their attack iraq stance. Although the French have never been winners, they've been allies of the United States for a long time. Why are they getting such bad attitudes from americans?
The answer is obvious.
I just wanted to say, even though I posted it, I think the Americans are just pissed they have little support on their attack iraq stance. Although the French have never been winners, they've been allies of the United States for a long time. Why are they getting such bad attitudes from americans?
The answer is obvious.
Super Genius
Posts: 1,320
Location: Canada
Location: Canada
March 18th, 2003, 02:55 PM
It's called "sour grapes"...
the good ol' US of G wanted as many "supporters" as it could in this because when the dust settles and the war crimes courts are set up, the US wants as many "friends" as possible to share the blame...a sort of "well, they did it too" thing!
God help us
It's called "sour grapes"...
the good ol' US of G wanted as many "supporters" as it could in this because when the dust settles and the war crimes courts are set up, the US wants as many "friends" as possible to share the blame...a sort of "well, they did it too" thing!
God help us
Clever Clogs
Posts: 548
Location: Kamloops, BC
Location: Kamloops, BC
March 18th, 2003, 03:22 PM
Im sure Im going to get flamed for this one, but really with the US spread so thin over most of the world what would stop all those countries who oppose them to assemble a few thousand troops, air troops, etc and overthrow (or takeover) the United States, it would be the biggest upset in military history, and maybe then the world would once again be sane.. we already know we have the support of the south
... And as I see it now, there are a lot of US soldiers (some of whom I know) leaving the country for Canada (and other places) to avoid having to go to war because they do not agree with their orders.
I know this may sound cold, my suggestion, but really.. whats to stop all those who oppose this war from just essentially walking in and doing this?
Im sure Im going to get flamed for this one, but really with the US spread so thin over most of the world what would stop all those countries who oppose them to assemble a few thousand troops, air troops, etc and overthrow (or takeover) the United States, it would be the biggest upset in military history, and maybe then the world would once again be sane.. we already know we have the support of the south
... And as I see it now, there are a lot of US soldiers (some of whom I know) leaving the country for Canada (and other places) to avoid having to go to war because they do not agree with their orders.I know this may sound cold, my suggestion, but really.. whats to stop all those who oppose this war from just essentially walking in and doing this?
March 18th, 2003, 03:26 PM
Quoting
I agree with Shmad
Im sure Im going to get flamed for this one, but really with the US spread so thin over most of the world what would stop all those countries who oppose them to assemble a few thousand troops, air troops, etc and overthrow (or takeover) the United States, it would be the biggest upset in military history, and maybe then the world would once again be sane.. we already know we have the support of the south ... And as I see it now, there are a lot of US soldiers (some of whom I know) leaving the country for Canada (and other places) to avoid having to go to war because they do not agree with their orders.
I know this may sound cold, my suggestion, but really.. whats to stop all those who oppose this war from just essentially walking in and doing this?
... And as I see it now, there are a lot of US soldiers (some of whom I know) leaving the country for Canada (and other places) to avoid having to go to war because they do not agree with their orders.I know this may sound cold, my suggestion, but really.. whats to stop all those who oppose this war from just essentially walking in and doing this?
Member
Posts: 234
Location: BC
Location: BC
March 18th, 2003, 06:06 PM
Expect more americans then ever before to cross our borders to escape america. I never thought I would say such a thing, but sadly it has come to that.
Quoting
Expect the Brownshirt type Patriot II to be passed in the next couple of weeks. The spinless media *****s in the US are making NO light of what it contains. It sets america back to the days before their constitution. It wipes away all that america was good for - free speech, freedom of association, etc.
good point Shmad...but with that thought in mind...keep an eye on North Korea and China while the US of G is otherwise distracted.
dont forget the Patriot Act Pts 1 n 2
dont forget the Patriot Act Pts 1 n 2
Expect more americans then ever before to cross our borders to escape america. I never thought I would say such a thing, but sadly it has come to that.
March 18th, 2003, 06:27 PM
I was just reading over the Patriot act.. It reminds me greatly of Hitler's rise to absolute power in between 1933 and 1935. After that, his Sturm Abteilung (aka Storm Troopers) and Himmler's SS had free reign. As the SS came to control army divisions, local police, land police and any armed organization in Germany.
Im gonna create a new thread with some extra info on the Patriot Act. If anyone has extra info, please contribute.
I was just reading over the Patriot act.. It reminds me greatly of Hitler's rise to absolute power in between 1933 and 1935. After that, his Sturm Abteilung (aka Storm Troopers) and Himmler's SS had free reign. As the SS came to control army divisions, local police, land police and any armed organization in Germany.
Im gonna create a new thread with some extra info on the Patriot Act. If anyone has extra info, please contribute.
