By Mike Strobel ,Toronto Sun
First posted: Sunday, March 16, 2014 07:57 PM EDT | Updated: Sunday, March 16, 2014 08:47 PM EDT
Ever smoked crack cocaine? I inquire of our new wannabe mayor. It’s the first thing you ask these days.
“No,” replies candidate Carlie Ritch. “I don’t even drink much.”
Okay, ever horse-whipped a feller to within an inch of his life, blindfolded him, gagged him, spanked him, trussed him up, stuck pins in his nipples, stomped on him, spit on him and called him a dirty, mangy dog?
“Yes, why just yesterday...”
And the line between Toronto city council and sado-masochism gets even blurrier.
Carlie Ritch, 43, is better known as Mizz Barbie Bitch, a top pro dominatrix. She runs a busy dungeon downtown.
I bumped into her at the Everything To Do With Sex Show last fall. She wore ball-kicker boots and a Rob Ford button.
“I’m a Ford fan,” she told me, and later offered free advice to Rob on how he could be a better mayor.
Well, that’s like flogging a dead horse. A stubborn horse. Rob didn’t listen. So Mizz Bitch has gone the next step. She’s running for mayor.
“I’ll whip this city into shape,” is one of her campaign slogans. “I mean business” is the other.
Obediently, I shuffle down to Nathan Phillips Square for a campaign kickoff interview.
Tired of Ford’s NFL ties, John Tory’s blue shirts or Olivia Chow’s sensible shoes?
Mizz Bitch is dolled up in boss-lady pinstrips with metal spiked shoulders, a peekaboo blouse and those ball-kickin’ boots.
“I’m a warrior,” she says. “I’ll change things at City Hall.”
These are heady times for Mizz Bitch. She’s landed a regular gig on the new Todd Shapiro show on SiriusXM radio. Dragons’ Den is looking at her proposal to open a string of dominatrix schools.
Plus, business is booming at her dungeon. I am shocked — shocked! — to hear she even has clients from City Hall.
Please, PLEASE, tell me it’s Adam Vaughan. He’s looking a little whipped these days.
“Never met the man,” she says, “though I do live in his ward.” So who?
“I’ll never tell. What you do on your own time is nobody’s business.”
She’s a woman after Rob Ford’s heart, alright. “It’s not against the law to get drunk,” she says.
But the combative incumbent’s “arrogance and abuse of power” has ticked her off. And when a dominatrix says you’re too abusive...
Hence, the campaign. A website is to launch Monday and she plans to register at City Hall later this week — as Carlie Ritch — with adviser and former perennial candidate Enza “Supermodel” Anderson in tow.
I can’t imagine the vote-splitting needed for a Mizz Barbie Bitch victory. The rise of Bitch Nation, maybe?
But if she wins, first she’d “clean house.
“Councillors who’ve been there, like, 30 years, have got to go. Any (bureaucrats) not doing their job will be re-assigned or moved out.
“Being a dominatrix gives you the confidence for that.”
She’d put tolls on the Gardiner to pay to revamp it. She’d turn old Ontario Place into a music showcase, including the Metronome project. She’d cut the 44-member city council in half. She’d expand the island airport. She’d respect the taxpayer, just like that other guy.
“I’m a fixer, not a spender.” She says Olivia Chow “spends money on frivolous things” and John Tory is “elitist.”
As for scandals spoiling her regime as mayor, she insists, “I don’t have any skeletons in my closet.
“I AM the skeleton.”
She hastens to add her dominatrix schtick involves “absolutely no sex. Don’t even ask.”
She has a Doberman, two grown kids and, believe it or not, a grandson.
“I’m a single mom and I’ve worked for everything I have. I’m really that blue-collar, normal, ordinary person.”
Ordinary? Yes, Mizz Bitch, if you say so.
So the main horses — Ford, Chow, Tory, Karen Stintz, David Soknacki — are off and running in the mayoral race.
Now, we have the spurs and crop.
Strobel’s city column usually runs Monday to Thursday. email@example.com (external - login to view)
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