This guys is either the smartest or dumdest landlord

tay

Hall of Fame Member
May 20, 2012
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I have tenants moving out of a 3 bedroom basement apartment in August, the apartment is for rent September 1st. This apartment has not been maintained or cared for in any way whatsoever, and is quite frankly disgusting. I don't know how anyone could possibly live in this much filth; however, after 5 years in the rental business I know that MANY people do. So instead of me investing a bunch of money into this unit and then running the risk of renting to someone who's going to destroy it again, I'm looking to rent to someone who lives a similar lifestyle as my current tenants. I know there are alot of you out there, so lets be honest with one another up front. I'm not going to ask you to keep the place clean, or be respectful of my property; afterall you're not going to listen anyhow!

Ideally the new tenants would have very little motivation to do anything in life except lay around their apartment all day. You will likely shower 1-2 times a week, but week long stretches are certainly not out of the question. You have a tendancy to use every last piece of dishware you own before even thinking about doing dishes, and in the meantime, the dirty plates, cups, pots and pans etc. will pile up on your countertop and attract ants and fruit flies.

There is coin op laundry in the building but you likely won't use it often, instead you'll choose to wear dirty clothes day afer day until even your own stink is too much for you to bare. You likely own dressers, and the apartment has several closets, but you won't use any of them. Instead, your clothes will be spread out across all the floors throughout the apartment, so even if you did have clean ones, you would not be able to find or identify them.

You likely have at least one pet, likely a cat, because like most people I've met who can't even take care of themselves, you for some reason have decided it would be "fun" to own animals that you also neglect to take care of. The litter box, if you even bother to have one, will hardly ever be changed and the apartment will wreak of cat urine and feces.

You likely have a kid or two, not because you neccessarily wanted any kids, or thought you could provide a solid foundation for raising children, it's just that your sexual desires were frought with the same reckless abandon as your day-to-day life, and therefore you have had a "mistake" or two along your splendid journey through life.

You smoke too right? Of course you do, why wouldn't you, you're on a fixed income and cigarettes are expensive. Not a problem, the walls haven't been painted in a decade, and your bad habit is going to be my reason for not painting them now!

Never held a broom, mop, or vacuum cleaner? Well that's perfect because these floors have never seen any of these cleaning devices, it's a match made in heaven!!

Ever heard of Windex, Comet, or Spray 9? No? That's great too, I won't even bother telling you why, just trust me when I say we'll have no trouble getting along.

Of course there is no security deposit required, no landlord references, and no lease. We'll just take it month-to-month. As long as you pay rent, you can stay as long as you like and I will NEVER increase the rent on you! Heat, lights and hot water are included. I'd even have cable and internet hooked up for you and add it on the rent if you'd like.

If you're interested in viewing this disgusting apartment please contact me for a viewing. I won't enter the apartment with you because I am not a fan of the smell of ammonia, but I will direct you to the door. I haven't taken any pictures for the same reason, sorry to disappoint.





Disgusting 3 Bedroom Apt for Rent. Utilities Included. | 3 bedroom | Fredericton | Kijiji