The Bog
copyright 2008, Murphy
Verily, there is nothing finer than an unhurried, unscheduled movement, free from work, children, or the call of my wife, wondering what I'm doing.
A real man puts up his hunting latrine outside, downwind from the trailer or cabin where he sleeps, but in close proximity to the beer cooler. It must be a quiet place, where a man can go to contemplate life. It has to be a peaceful outdoor chapel where he can meditate or go to judge how loud he can fart as he gets older.
Sh!tters don't have to be fancy; they have to be functional. Padded toilet seats are a nice touch, as is dry toilet paper. A roof is preferable, both to keep the sun off your head for daytime dumpage, or at night, when the rain is pouring down.
It is nice to have a small table inside for your toilet paper, outdoor magazines and beer. Most young people just don't understand the importance of thirty year old copies of Field and Stream lying around the throne, waiting to be rediscovered! For guys that return to the same hunt camp (and privy) year after year, the memories associated with these publications are truly special.
Johns that have been in use for many years are often the topic of conversation. Examples include: The time Bill didn't quite make it to the can after eating his wife's homemade chili. The night that Kerry had a bear sniffing around while he was indisposed. The year Joe passed out inside, and slept there all night with his pants around his knees.
Women don't understand the importance of the outdoor loo. There's no place to put their make up, brushes and other junk. Insects bother them. They complain about smells. The complaints are illogical! Come on! Back at the house, what the heck is a washroom doing in the same building where you cook food?
Ever since man moved the outhouse inside, there has been nothing but trouble. People spend too much time there doing things that absolutely should not be done anywhere near a toilet! They lounge around in the bath. Teenagers spend half their life staring in the mirror, or flushing who knows what down the bowl, stopping up drains and generating outrageous plumber's bills. Wives insist on redecorating, which costs big money for a place you go to pinch a loaf. This is money better spent on a new pickup.
Guys, it's time to erect a tent in the backyard in the off season and exercise your God given right to uninterrupted evacuations. Long live the bog!
copyright 2008, Murphy
Verily, there is nothing finer than an unhurried, unscheduled movement, free from work, children, or the call of my wife, wondering what I'm doing.
A real man puts up his hunting latrine outside, downwind from the trailer or cabin where he sleeps, but in close proximity to the beer cooler. It must be a quiet place, where a man can go to contemplate life. It has to be a peaceful outdoor chapel where he can meditate or go to judge how loud he can fart as he gets older.
Sh!tters don't have to be fancy; they have to be functional. Padded toilet seats are a nice touch, as is dry toilet paper. A roof is preferable, both to keep the sun off your head for daytime dumpage, or at night, when the rain is pouring down.
It is nice to have a small table inside for your toilet paper, outdoor magazines and beer. Most young people just don't understand the importance of thirty year old copies of Field and Stream lying around the throne, waiting to be rediscovered! For guys that return to the same hunt camp (and privy) year after year, the memories associated with these publications are truly special.
Johns that have been in use for many years are often the topic of conversation. Examples include: The time Bill didn't quite make it to the can after eating his wife's homemade chili. The night that Kerry had a bear sniffing around while he was indisposed. The year Joe passed out inside, and slept there all night with his pants around his knees.
Women don't understand the importance of the outdoor loo. There's no place to put their make up, brushes and other junk. Insects bother them. They complain about smells. The complaints are illogical! Come on! Back at the house, what the heck is a washroom doing in the same building where you cook food?
Ever since man moved the outhouse inside, there has been nothing but trouble. People spend too much time there doing things that absolutely should not be done anywhere near a toilet! They lounge around in the bath. Teenagers spend half their life staring in the mirror, or flushing who knows what down the bowl, stopping up drains and generating outrageous plumber's bills. Wives insist on redecorating, which costs big money for a place you go to pinch a loaf. This is money better spent on a new pickup.
Guys, it's time to erect a tent in the backyard in the off season and exercise your God given right to uninterrupted evacuations. Long live the bog!
