The Naked Politician!
copyright 2016 - Murphy
Introduction to Nude Politics in Canada – A précis for Professor Murphy’s Cdn history class (Master’s thesis to Murphy’s committee by EOS).
WARNING!! This story contains references to naked politicians! The young, sensitive individuals, or people with heart conditions SHOULD NOT read this!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Has anyone ever seen Paul Martin naked? Who? For God’s sake, did the wheels fall off your Google car? He was the 21st Prime Minister of Canada! That probably means you don’t remember the 2004 federal election either! No wonder we have to write these things!
I know what you're thinking. I’ve only read one paragraph, but for some reason, this story smells fishy. And don’t lump me in with those confused, illiterate, under 30 master’s students! I’m older, of somewhat sound mind, and remember that election. I don’t recall any stories about naked politicians!
Just never mind. Read.
You'd be right to call this BS if it happened anywhere else on earth, but it didn't. It happened in Canada.
Think of it. Dozens, nay, hundreds of unclothed, middle aged and old Liberal men and women, waddling up the steps of Parliament, in full view of the tourists. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “the seat of government”!
The image probably makes you ill, but that was just the start. It got worse.
Imagine being a high school student on a field trip to the Parliament buildings. While the RCMP is tracking down Ottawa’s best hot dog vendors or “investigating” Internet porn sites, you're in the National Capital Region, looking at that. It makes me queasy just thinking about it. Imagine your teacher trying to explain about wrinkly, old people butts...and other things.
Feeling sick yet?
It was about a week into the first ever, all nude election campaign in Canada. It was the campaign when the Liberals threatened to force their way to winning a majority government. The method was simple, but very disturbing. If you did not re-elect them en masse, they would remain naked!
Remember the Liberal ad on TV? Dozens of naked Liberals in the House of Commons, rising to applaud Paul Martin. He said,
“Mr. Speaker, the pants won’t fit, til a majority sits!”
What’s that? You don’t remember the commercial either? You’re not from Ottawa then.
The CBC refused to report what was happening, and ran newsreel footage of the 1949 federal election instead. The campaign saw Louis Saint Laurent (Liberal) defeat George Drew (Progressive Conservative). The film was black and white. And grainy. And old. Why didn’t Canadians notice?
Well, that caused quite a ruckus didn't it? CBC might not have reported it, but the print media went crazy! They ran stories - complete with pictures - of politicians appearing at various functions, wearing nothing but a smile. No matter where you went, one or more of the media outlets was covering a nudie story. And it didn't take long before the general public began to knuckle under. The pressure was just too much for your average Canadian to stand.
Lawn signs started appearing. A LIBERAL VOTE IS A VOTE FOR CLOTHES!
The Conservatives called the Grit tactic subversive. So, in an emergency meeting, there was a unanimous vote for Conservatives to strip off as well. They had to do something to neutralize the damage. But they went farther. They said that if the Liberals were put back in power, they would remain naked for as long as it took for Canadians to come to their senses. Oh dear...
Naturally, the NDP were confused over the whole thing. Jack somebody or other, their leader, said, "If the Liberals and Conservatives are doing it, then there must be a point. Effective immediately, we're disrobing as well."
Things were getting very, very bad...
Most of the fringe parties refused to undress because they said that was the old, tired strategy of the mainstream. They screamed, "We aren't normal!!" (And it was easy to believe that.)
Well, they all screamed that except the Rhinos. Rhinos always went around naked anyway and accused the Liberals of stealing their ideas.
The Liberals had stolen ideas before, so this was not a stretch. Unemployment and health insurance, as well as old age pensions were all ideas formulated by the CCF (Co-operative Commonwealth Federation) - forerunner of today’s NDP party - but enacted by Liberal governments.
Anyway, the Rhinos warned Canadians that, later on, the Liberals would claim to have started the whole nudeness thing. Nobody paid them any attention however. And the other oddball parties continued to smoke dope, worship Michael Jackson, or goats, or whatever weird things that offbeat parties did.
So where were we? Oh yes, the nude politicians. Some police departments attempted to arrest or clothe some of them. But, in Canada at least, it is not illegal to be naked. Especially in the touchy, feely climate that the Liberals helped to create. Nudity based on religious or political beliefs was allowed. Besides, some argue, the human body is a beautiful thing. Personally, after watching CPAC and the evening news, the idea of naked politicians terrified me...
The nudeness spread. University students stripped off. Bike gangs rode around in the all-together (But wore helmets. It was the law!) Seniors on fixed incomes thought being naked was great. Not having to do laundry was a real money saver. Tourists and hippies and whoever else loved the feeling of a breeze against their exposed skin all went around naked. It was Ottawa's 'Summer of Love'!
But then, like a cry from the wilderness, dry cleaning and laundry companies began to scream. Once upon a time, these two were big' business in the Capital region. Image was everything in Ottawa. To paraphrase ZZ Top, "...everybody crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man!" Not anymore. With everybody going naked, they were losing thousands of dollars of revenue every day. They were joined by the shoe people, the local men's and ladies wear stores, and a host of other related businesses. And so, in a town that depended in large measure on looking good, the wall of nudiddity began to crumble.
One by one, MPs started wearing clothes again. They returned to the House of Commons, clad in suits or dresses. Bare bums were seen less and less around town, or on television. The ordinary folk followed suit, no pun intended, not wanting to stand out in the crowd.
Within weeks, everything went back to normally abnormal again.
copyright 2016 - Murphy
Introduction to Nude Politics in Canada – A précis for Professor Murphy’s Cdn history class (Master’s thesis to Murphy’s committee by EOS).
WARNING!! This story contains references to naked politicians! The young, sensitive individuals, or people with heart conditions SHOULD NOT read this!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Has anyone ever seen Paul Martin naked? Who? For God’s sake, did the wheels fall off your Google car? He was the 21st Prime Minister of Canada! That probably means you don’t remember the 2004 federal election either! No wonder we have to write these things!
I know what you're thinking. I’ve only read one paragraph, but for some reason, this story smells fishy. And don’t lump me in with those confused, illiterate, under 30 master’s students! I’m older, of somewhat sound mind, and remember that election. I don’t recall any stories about naked politicians!
Just never mind. Read.
You'd be right to call this BS if it happened anywhere else on earth, but it didn't. It happened in Canada.
Think of it. Dozens, nay, hundreds of unclothed, middle aged and old Liberal men and women, waddling up the steps of Parliament, in full view of the tourists. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “the seat of government”!
The image probably makes you ill, but that was just the start. It got worse.
Imagine being a high school student on a field trip to the Parliament buildings. While the RCMP is tracking down Ottawa’s best hot dog vendors or “investigating” Internet porn sites, you're in the National Capital Region, looking at that. It makes me queasy just thinking about it. Imagine your teacher trying to explain about wrinkly, old people butts...and other things.
Feeling sick yet?
It was about a week into the first ever, all nude election campaign in Canada. It was the campaign when the Liberals threatened to force their way to winning a majority government. The method was simple, but very disturbing. If you did not re-elect them en masse, they would remain naked!
Remember the Liberal ad on TV? Dozens of naked Liberals in the House of Commons, rising to applaud Paul Martin. He said,
“Mr. Speaker, the pants won’t fit, til a majority sits!”
What’s that? You don’t remember the commercial either? You’re not from Ottawa then.
The CBC refused to report what was happening, and ran newsreel footage of the 1949 federal election instead. The campaign saw Louis Saint Laurent (Liberal) defeat George Drew (Progressive Conservative). The film was black and white. And grainy. And old. Why didn’t Canadians notice?
Well, that caused quite a ruckus didn't it? CBC might not have reported it, but the print media went crazy! They ran stories - complete with pictures - of politicians appearing at various functions, wearing nothing but a smile. No matter where you went, one or more of the media outlets was covering a nudie story. And it didn't take long before the general public began to knuckle under. The pressure was just too much for your average Canadian to stand.
Lawn signs started appearing. A LIBERAL VOTE IS A VOTE FOR CLOTHES!
The Conservatives called the Grit tactic subversive. So, in an emergency meeting, there was a unanimous vote for Conservatives to strip off as well. They had to do something to neutralize the damage. But they went farther. They said that if the Liberals were put back in power, they would remain naked for as long as it took for Canadians to come to their senses. Oh dear...
Naturally, the NDP were confused over the whole thing. Jack somebody or other, their leader, said, "If the Liberals and Conservatives are doing it, then there must be a point. Effective immediately, we're disrobing as well."
Things were getting very, very bad...
Most of the fringe parties refused to undress because they said that was the old, tired strategy of the mainstream. They screamed, "We aren't normal!!" (And it was easy to believe that.)
Well, they all screamed that except the Rhinos. Rhinos always went around naked anyway and accused the Liberals of stealing their ideas.
The Liberals had stolen ideas before, so this was not a stretch. Unemployment and health insurance, as well as old age pensions were all ideas formulated by the CCF (Co-operative Commonwealth Federation) - forerunner of today’s NDP party - but enacted by Liberal governments.
Anyway, the Rhinos warned Canadians that, later on, the Liberals would claim to have started the whole nudeness thing. Nobody paid them any attention however. And the other oddball parties continued to smoke dope, worship Michael Jackson, or goats, or whatever weird things that offbeat parties did.
So where were we? Oh yes, the nude politicians. Some police departments attempted to arrest or clothe some of them. But, in Canada at least, it is not illegal to be naked. Especially in the touchy, feely climate that the Liberals helped to create. Nudity based on religious or political beliefs was allowed. Besides, some argue, the human body is a beautiful thing. Personally, after watching CPAC and the evening news, the idea of naked politicians terrified me...
The nudeness spread. University students stripped off. Bike gangs rode around in the all-together (But wore helmets. It was the law!) Seniors on fixed incomes thought being naked was great. Not having to do laundry was a real money saver. Tourists and hippies and whoever else loved the feeling of a breeze against their exposed skin all went around naked. It was Ottawa's 'Summer of Love'!
But then, like a cry from the wilderness, dry cleaning and laundry companies began to scream. Once upon a time, these two were big' business in the Capital region. Image was everything in Ottawa. To paraphrase ZZ Top, "...everybody crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man!" Not anymore. With everybody going naked, they were losing thousands of dollars of revenue every day. They were joined by the shoe people, the local men's and ladies wear stores, and a host of other related businesses. And so, in a town that depended in large measure on looking good, the wall of nudiddity began to crumble.
One by one, MPs started wearing clothes again. They returned to the House of Commons, clad in suits or dresses. Bare bums were seen less and less around town, or on television. The ordinary folk followed suit, no pun intended, not wanting to stand out in the crowd.
Within weeks, everything went back to normally abnormal again.
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