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Talking mongoose in the new year?



By Mike Strobel, Toronto Sun
First posted: Sunday, December 27, 2015 04:55 PM EST | Updated: Sunday, December 27, 2015 05:02 PM EST


Better head for the hills.


The seers and tea readers have weighed in on 2016 and, frankly, it does not look good.


I don’t know how my annual panel of psychics can get out of bed in the morning, with all the calamity coming our way.


No surprise, but terrorism is the biggest boogeyman of 2016.


Even tarot reader Tara Greene, normally the least gloomy of my panelists, warns that “chemical warfare is a huge danger this year. Viruses, airborne or water borne disease are the way terrorists will work,” with outbreaks of food-poisoning, Ebola, flesh-eating and mad cow diseases.


Oh, joy to the world. Make me smile, Psychic Nikki.


“Chemical attacks on Paris and New York, and terror attacks in Rome, Manchester, Moscow ... and Toronto.”


Could be worse. South America, for one, will be invaded by giant ants.


Greece gets off easy, with an 8.5 earthquake and massive flooding.


Bail us out, Anthony Carr.


“World War III is upon us! The Mideast will ignite like a Roman candle! This current ‘skirmish’ is naught but a prelude to global conflagration!!!


“In May, then October and November this world shall tremble in fear.”


Thanks, Tony. Makes it easier to plan vacations.


Gadzooks! No wonder my psychics predict a boom in euthanasia clinics. We’ll all be lined up.


But fear not. It isn’t entirely doom and gloom from Nikki (psychicnikki.com), Tara (tarotpsychictoronto.com) and Tony (anthonycarrpsychic.com). Otherwise, why would they bother with websites? They’d have skedaddled long ago.


Luckily, a variety of saviours are poised. For instance, Nikki predicts they’ll find the cure for cancer in an aquatic plant.


Donald Trump will destroy the Republican party, says Tara, which is good news at least for Hillary Clinton. Nikki sees Trump in a wheelchair. Good news for Ted Cruz.


Mr. Carr? Well, the World’s Most Documented Psychic and Saxophone Player sees a “Superman-like” hero, complete with cape, from another world arriving “in the nick of time” to rescue us from the aforementioned mayhem and doom.


If that doesn’t work, Tony predicts a sort of messianic mongoose will appear in mid-America, speaking fluent English and will “show itself to the world and demonstrate its talents,” whatever those are. The Leafs are praying it can stop a puck.


You been blowing too hard on that sax, Tony?


“I only predict the stuff that comes to me from the cosmos,” he insists. “I don’t make it up.”


Seer Carr has something for everyone, including a cure for baldness through follicular cloning, and eyeglasses that light up when whoever you’re chatting with tells a lie.


I would not recommend donning the specs while listening to a Queen’s Park Liberal. You’ll go blind.


Tara tells me she, too, expects a year of great scientific progress, although nothing approaching a talking mongoose.


“New discoveries in physics will change our basic understanding of the laws of the universe,” she says.


“New healing modalities will come into prominence, many medical breakthroughs using water and sound.”


Thank god. Looks like we’re going to need those.


Strobel’s column usually runs Monday to Thursday. Hear him at 94.9 The Rock FM, resuming after the holidays. mike.strobel@sunmedia.ca (external - login to view)


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Here’s a surefire prediction. My Christmas Fund for Variety Village will be a roaring success this year. We’re at $25,000 and climbing faster than the temperature with less than week to go. To join the fun, and get in on some cosmic draw prizes, donate at sunchristmasfund.ca.
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